I Was Wondering How Most Of You Are Doing?

[HangInThere]

I was just curious on how you guys are doing this holiday season? I seem more depressed than ever work has slowed to almost zero and I cant seem to get out of the self critical mind set. Im always thinking Im not good enough,dont eat that, why did you do that, why are thinking that. My whole mindset is self judgement. And I wont leave the house . When I do I cant wait to get back..

My wife works all the time and I never see her, pretty much alone all the time..

I feel very defensive and always have. I dont want anyone around but do..Thats crazy..
I feel like "Why am I doing this? Is this all their is to life why keep going.

Im just really tired of this battle and never being able to just let go and enjoy..

Sorry I asked how you all were and talked about myself...Enough whining

Thank you for reading..

 

[discarded]

Hi HanginThere. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, the festive season does have that affect on a lot of us. My workplace on the other hand is picking up pace big time. I work at a postal outlet and come 1st Dec the whole world goes crazy or so it would seem. I can't wait until 5.00pm 24th Dec so I can collapse in a heap.

I too am feeling depressed, this will be my first Christmas as a separated wife. This year has been incredibly difficult for my husband and I and so I took the initiative to give him space to sort out his PTSD. I am miserable and he is just slowly drinking himself to death. Oh well, you did ask. Cheer up and have a Merry Christmas!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

The holidays have a depressing affect on those of us who do not have a good support system of family, therapist, and friends. Mabe it does have a depressing affect on them too. I am no authority. I really do not know. I am struggling but we are doing the tree and the christmas shopping. I do not know yet what we will do on christmas. My daughter announced that she wants a divorce from her husband for emotional and verbal abuse. He is making her feel like she is going crazy so she is back in therapy and on medication.

It is very sad so we are up in the air about what will go on. I will be glad when the holidays are over. The two granddaughters have birthdays in December too. We are going out to go shopping tommorow. I have a feeling of meloncholy. I wish to shake it. I was so much better off last year. But with the news of my daughter I am of course supporting her in what she wants to do. It will take her time. I guess I sound like I am whining too.

I am enjoying watching christmas movies on the hallmark channel. They are good and wholesome. I think the holidays are what we make of them. Mabe for some it is better not to celebrate depending on how they feel.

I want my granddaughters to come over and decorate our tree. I got them hot choclolate and cookies to be an extra treat. It will be fun. I am just trying to arrange a date with my daughter. Well that is my take on it. It is for the kids. Making fun and good memories. I hope you can make yourself some good memories that are full of good distractions and diversions. I wish you the best. Good luck.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm guarded and not depressed per se... but am keeping my focus to the week ahead. It will be the week before Christmas soon enough... and I can decide then what I will and won't do, what my level of participation will be, and breaking up the "season" in smaller bites is what works the best for me. I actually love Christmas... but have moderate discomfort at celebrating it with anyone other than my spouse. For the rest, I choose an evening and "visit" delivering Christmas gifts. I prefer my Christmas to be quiet and private. Maybe one day that will change... but I am happier and more peaceful if I keep it simple and the less personalities around the better.

 

[intothelight]

I will be in the hospital over Christmas. But I have been thinking about things I can make or bring with me that I can have distributed to either the children' s hospital or maybe other patients who do not have family or friends that can celebrate with them.

Just trying to think of ways to brighten someone's life as that is what the season is about to me. My Christmas present is this hospitalization will be giving me a second chance at life, and that is a fantastic gift.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I prefer my Christmas to be quiet and private.

Me too!

 

[Bilby]

I used to be a big Christmas person. Not so much now as family members have died and along with that my feeling of 'all is right with the world' that I used to get every Christmas seemed to disappear. It's a shame really, as I have three children who I want to experience the magic of Christmas and to have wonderful memories of it. I try incredibly hard for their sake, although I wonder sometimes if they see through it and don't 'feel' the joy of Christmas as I try so hard for them to do....

Plus there are other complications that make things difficult too.

 

[goingonhope]

This Christmast Holiday Season like the last couple, I feel so damn frustrated, sad :cry: and disheartened, however prior to these, and for those previous 12 yrs., I've just loved the holiday season and especially Christmas eve and day. :inlove:

"Smiling always turns to crying," so says he. :tdown: Or, is it "Laughing turns to tears." ...one or the other.

Anyhow, I've often known how to keep a good attitude, be true to myself and loving and kind to others, so I will continue to be my best, even though inwardly I feel mostly miserable ......at this time in my life.

 

[Tanishq]

Hello hanginthere,

yes, having this ptsd trouble can lead one to self judgement and also to doubting oneself. It's not an easy road.

You need not to feel alone here. We are like you and we all are normal beings fighting to come out from this injury.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I was just curious on how you guys are doing this holiday season? I seem more depressed than ever work has slowed to almost zero and I cant seem to get out of the self critical mind set. Im always thinking Im not good enough,dont eat that, why did you do that, why are thinking that. My whole mindset is self judgement. And I wont leave the house . When I do I cant wait to get back..

Sorry you are going through this period in your recovery.

It seems to be a common theme with people with PTSD expecting perfection of themselves. I never liked the holidays growing up but do remember being really young and believing in Santa. I have done advent calendars with my children, baked with them and want them to have a different experience even though it is hard for me.

My children are so excited about Santa. They were too little for him last year so this year should be fun. Seeing Christmas or other events through their eyes is very special to me. I am priveledged to be their mom. They are one of the few sources of joy in my life. To see what they experience has been great.

 

[Britt.f7]

First, no one here is whining. Stating how you are feeling is not whining. You're not carrying on. Well, at least I don't see it as whining.

Christmas use to be very difficult for me. I would get depressed two weeks before Christmas. Took me years to realize, and a therapists help, that every year since my friends died, I mourned them. Once I dealt with that and the guilt I felt, it became easier for me.

I was worried about this Christmas because it is the first year we are not doing anything on Christmas eve. We use to always celebrate with my mom, but she died last year. So I have that on my mind. It also saddens me that my dad is in a position where he can not buy gifts for anyone(I'm mostly concerned about the kids). Still, I don't think my dad has been in that position since we were kids.

I'm also having surgery the day after Christmas. No biggie, but it will be the first time I've had surgery without my mom there. She was a surgical nurse so she always watched over what they were doing when she could. I'm finding that to be the most difficult. Not the surgery, just knowing she won't be there.

I think if we hadn't finally gotten my meds under control I would be in much worse shape. I'm better then I was even a couple weeks ago. I'm full of hope. That is a much better place to be.

 

[Whitneys story]

I have learned over the years that for many reasons it is not always healthy to recreate past holidays.

I try to start a new tradition every year. I have been amazed at the response. I find things at the 1$ store and make them personal. Everyone gets one and even adults are like little kids wondering what the year will bring.