I Was Wondering How Most Of You Are Doing?

[DharmaGirl]

Arg, I just got roped into inviting more people to my house. Now I will have to clean.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I'm full of hope. That is a much better place to be.

sorry about the loss of your mom and her not being there in the room with you when you go for surgery. Can you bring something that reminds you of her in the room with you? I believe that those we love are always around us and I think she will be in the room with you and watching over you.

My mom has been in the same position as your dad and it is not easy. I used to buy gifts for her to give my sisters kids to help her out before I had my own children. Now she can afford gifts but it is still hard for her.

Have you ever done a yankee trader party? You regift a gift you received in the past and you wrap it up and draw numbers based on number of gifts. So seven gifts then seven numbers. The first person opens their gift and the next person that opens their gift has the option to steal the previous persons gift. It is fun for laughs and doesn't cost anything other than wrapping the gift.

 

[ms spock]

My friend M died and so this Xmas approaching is hard for me.

However, I am having a lot of relief lately. I have been relaxing. I have been grieving. I have been letting go. Not only about M but also about my family and my life.

I think Whitney's Story idea is starting a new tradition each year is a great idea.

 

[sorcha]

I tried to back out of Christmas Day, my excuse was 'let everyone enjoy themselves I will make it depressing' I was advised to 'go change my way of thinking' so it's the 9th, I still feel this way, I would quite like to watch boys open presents, let them go for a nice large family lunch and me to hide home alone. I'm not allowed. This time last year, well on the 5th, I seen my ex for the last time, I have an overwhelming urge to know how he is which is strange as I detest him/what he has become and what he has done. Doesn't make me want to know how he is less. I am forcing myself to to do other things to stop phoning, him I don't even know his number, I took his name out of my phone and replaced his name with something else, I looked under B@stard but he isn't there....

 

[Whitneys story]

Sorcha, Keep remembering you are so much better than you Ex. Stand tall! Maybe even write his name on the bottom of your shoe and have a nice walk.

It is tough being a Mom, hugs when you need them!

More Hugs, Whitney

 

[Sandstone]

Last Christmas I as almost functional. I had lots of family and friends here and only had to hide intermittently.

This year I am just siitting, hoping December will go away

 

[Britt.f7]

I have an overwhelming urge to know how he is which is strange as I detest him/what he has become and what he has done.

You cared about him for a long time, so I don't think it is strange for you to know how he is.

I know this is really, really, difficult for you. I remember how it was for my mom when my dad left, for years after, and, frankly, I wish I didn't. Well at least not to the extent that I did. That probably has more to do with the games they played then anything.

I know when my mom died last year and we went to Thanksgiving and Christmas, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to celebrate it in anyway. I did, for my sister and my kids. I put on my mostly happy face and I did it for them. It certainly wasn't for me.

I wish I could help you with suggestions. Anytime, before something difficult, I imagine myself taking a deep breath. I wish you peace during this very difficult time.

You regift a gift you received in the past and you wrap it up and draw numbers based on number of gifts

No, we have never done this, but it is a good idea. Perhaps it would be most of the gifts we got over the years for guy/girl gift exchanges! lol ;)

Nice idea about my mom. The surgery and nurses will all remind me of her because my mom use to be a surgical nurse and I grew up around that environment. Though I didn't give it much thought until now(no fault of yours), I also realize this is where she spent the last 3.5 weeks of her life. I hope I don't run into the same medical professionals.

 

[sorcha]

Thank you both. :) Britt sorry you had to endure 'games' we played games for over a year, the games finally stopped this year, in my head they stopped 5th December last year, in his head he could have came back until a text I sent after his current g/friend called me and said 'he knows he can come back any-time, this worries me' I could have been nasty and said he could but I felt sorry for her, I laughed and said 'no way, never in a million years would I have that back here', backed it up with text to him saying 'no more games, go away, leave us alone, I would never take you back, I walked on glass when you lived here F@@k off [insert more sweary words] of a human', cut off all phones and he was gone.

No idea why today of all day I wanted to see/speak to him, perhaps because I have slept for 3 nights, perhaps remeron kicking in and making me un-angry with him. I need to be angry with him. I am not scared of him, he didn't kill me, he was a bully and dominator but he doesn't scare me, I would like to hit him with a baseball bat now, see if he likes it, the irony of that is if I did it to him I would get locked up.... I am such an idiot for putting up with that, he hit my leg, I would like to hit his head.

I called him he said "hello" twice and I hung up, he sounds the same as he always did. Then I went one further and decided to look at his facebook page, with him g/friend and baby who is now in care, 2 congratulations messages, poor child has never left hospital.

I had a bit to do with her being in care, that and me and my sons being in counselling.... he most likely hates me like I should him and usually do, in fact I do hate him most of the time. I will go see my W.Aid counseller this week, get some badass hate back into my system. I do hate him but I also do grieve for the b@stard, no, not for him but for he has done to me and my boys lives.

I detest this time of year way too many, fake nice memories ! I destroyed every picture of him, everything he bought me, everything WE used, bit annoyed I threw my TV out for my bedroom as I miss that and my steamer for the vegetables, I was thorough if nothing else.... when I moved house, I have half a wedding album :) now I have his face in my head again, via 5 silly minutes on Facebook!

Sorry bit of an over thought typed out there..... maybe now its out it wont bit me in my ass in my sleep!

 

[Britt.f7]

Sorcha, no need to be sorry. Seemed well thought out and much needed. Always better to get it out of the head I say instead of letting it circle around inside. ;):)

 

[The Albatross]

Checking in... my approach this year has been pretty beneficial. Breaking it down into smaller bits and not having preconceived expectations is working in a more satisfying way.

I'm going to the boat parade tonight, and I'm taking my mister to the "Night at the Zoo" with Christmas lights. I'm going to my mothers Christmas cantata, and all those would have been stress or anxiety producing last year.

A friend gave me pecans to shell... and I'm making mini pumpkin pound cakes to deliver to some of my neighbors and some senior friends and both our mothers.

I have no expectations for Christmas or Christmas eve til the week before and am finding it manageable. I may extend a Christmas eve gift to my mother and actual Christmas day is already confusing but I am refusing to make any commitments. I'm playing golf with this holiday and am "playing it where it lays". I am trying to stay open and available, but also mindful of my own capacity for face time.

I am more comfortable than I have been in previous years. Just wanted to report that and say... I have no interest anymore in an idealized Christmas and what it "should be"... I'm managing the one I want as opportunities present themselves, and my husband and I are picking and choosing. He is calmer and more relaxed this year and so am I.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Feeling down today. I am hurting over past stuff and not feeling angry as I need to feel. I just feel hurt. I know the hurt lies under the anger. I am doing the best I can. I think I need to journal.

 

[Britt.f7]

(((Gizmo)))