What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Springer80]

I actually like the idea of not letting the abusers to win and to vow against not letting them have control over me now. However, I wouldn't like it if someone said it to me. Don't they think that is what I'm working on?!

I agree...I mean its not a win/lose situation particularly but when you aren't 'causing a fuss' cos you've been in denial or working yourself to death or using drugs to keep your problems quiet they aren't being faced with any issues, so although your really struggling they haven't got anything to comment on because you don't trust them with it. As soon as you stop the bad coping mechanisms, suddenly your letting your side down. :grumpy:

 

[DharmaGirl]

My T told me my job is to work on therapy. That made me feel better since I was a workaholic before my back surgery.

I also hate let it go, or leave the past in the past. My brain has a huge injury because of my past. I can leave the past in the past, but my brain is still injured. The only way to fix it is to acknowledge the past and deal with it, then let it go. You just keep on popping those pills and telling me to let it go.

 

[Sara1999]

My T told me my job is to work on therapy. That made me feel better since I was a workaholic before my back surgery.

I have therapy twice a week, and I plan nothing else for those days because it can be so intense and exhausting that I am not up for doing anything afterward. I am looking for a part time job, and I figure that is ok for now because I am doing other "work" 2 days a week. I'm glad you have a counselor who acknowledges the work involved. Mine has been similarly encouraging.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I go twice a week too, and I usually have to nap after. I work on this stuff all week long too.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hate the one you have to let go. I once asked a person how do you let go? He did not know what to say. Of course he is into being positive and no negativity in his life.

 

[Britt.f7]

My mom always said she let things ago and didn't hold on to them. However, she never really got over my dad leaving her when I was four. When she was older she had a hard time dealing with her illness. She smoked and, sometimes, ate excessively(bad choice foods), even though she knew her health could not handle it...so it was definitely emotional issues. I don't think she let go. I think she was simply in denial.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Some of the most misguided 'advice' I actualy got from a T I went to at some point, and this is some of her best work:

In respone to my hypervigilance and constant feeling of being in danger: "Why don't you just drink some chamomile tea and read a good book?

My bf at that time and I had drifted apart. I ended it, but I was really grieving the loss of him and our beautiful relationship. " Don't worry, you will meet someone new!" "I am not worried, and I don't want to meet someone new. I am grieving!"

My father is an alcoholic, and had been in the hospital for cancer for quite some time. His release was coming up, and I was anxious if he would begin drinking again, as soon as he was out of their care.

Her respone: " Maybe alcohol just won't taste good to him any longer!" "I don't think my father has been drinking a bottle of gin a day, for 15 years, mixed with chocolatemilk, because it taste freeking awesome!"

Instead of just stop seeing her, I booked one last appointment and spent the hour letting her know that I was not only unsatisfied, but appalled by her lack of knowlegde and insight in PTSD, alcholism, life and love in general. And that she must have read her psycology books upside down!

Hopefully, something went through to her, for the benefit of her next client ;)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Geez Crazyhorse I admire you so much for having the skills and ability to go back and do that. You must be a really strong person. I am amazed by you. I wish I could have your skills. How do you do it? :cool:

 

[CrazyHorse]

Hi Gizmo :)

Thank you for your kind words! I have been reading a lot of your posts and comments, and seen your compassion for people, and I admire you too!

After my trauma I have developed an aspect in my personality I have named 'the bulldozer!' This is an aspect I like my self. Driven by 'no more bulls**t. I am in the driver seat now'.

But as with everything, balance is the key. I am working on becoming softer, because sometimes I can shoot myself in the foot by being a bulldozer. I have to learn to chose my battles, but with that T, I think I chose well ;)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was that way myself along time ago, and I shot myself many times. I have learned to gentle myself because the shame and guilt was killing me. I hated it when I lost my temper with people even though some of them deserved it. It was bad and hard on me. It would haunt me for along time so I understand what you mean. Pat yourself on the back for that one though, you did good.

 

[CrazyHorse]

It is not quite that way for me:)

I do not lose my temper, I am just very, very straight forward, and that makes people feel insecure and make me feel even more alien sometimes :) I should learn to just shake my head, quietly, to myself, and not take up discussions or battles with people who are not important to me anyway.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thanks for the clarification. I used to be quite blunt. But it caused me too much grief. I am learning to just shut my mouth and walk away' It is in trying to achieve balance. I do not have the skills yet, but with practice I can get there. I do not like to get into it with people who do not see or hear me. I am so weary of it. If I can keep my mouth shut long enough I might look like I know what I am doing. Well that is my theory anyways.

I noticed that you said you would not do it with people that are not important to you. Do you try with the people you do care about even though they verbally attack you? I am really interested in what you have to say. I have respect and admiration for you. Even though I do not know you yet.