What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[CrazyHorse]

Thank you again, Gizmo :)

The people I care about, and who cares about me, actually find me secure to be around. They can always count on my intergity. They do sometimes find me a bit annoying, for example, when a friend calls me up complaining about her husband for the 100 times, searching for pity and comfirmation that her husband is just a big idiot, I will respond in terms like: "I do not pity you. It might be difficult, yes, but you always have a choice. I save my pity for the 13 year old girl in Afganistan who is sold to a husband she did not chose herself, and has no tools to change her life!"

Or when people complain to me about their job and their boss, I'll might say: "nobody is forcing you, yes, jobs do not hang trees these days, but I think I will save my pity for the children who is abducted and forced to commit slave like labour, with no possibility of changing their situation.

I Do not say things like this to diminish their problems, but sometimes we forget how lucky we are, and that most of us do have the tools to change life situations that bother us. Life situations that we willingly, and freely, chose in the first place.

 

[Britt.f7]

Maybe alcohol just won't taste good to him any longe

Maybe she meant that he would no longer have the desire for it and just worded it incorrectly. She really should have thought it out more before she opened her mouth. And I did have a friend whose mother was an alcoholic over 20 years, who, when she went through Cancer treatment on her brain, she stopped wanting alcohol. It was like a switch turned off. It was very strange.

I think it is amazing that you spoke up. I think of all the t's and doctors I have been to that I wish I would have spoken up and told why I am no longer seeing them. I wish I had that strength. Kudos to you!:)

 

[CrazyHorse]

I Do not say things like this to diminish their problems, but sometimes we forget how lucky we are, and that most of us do have the tools to change life situations that bother us.

I just feel the urge to elaborate this: My approach may seem harsh in writing, when you can not hear my tone of voice. It is never my intention to dismiss any problems as unimportant. Nor is it revieved that way. I only respond to people in that fashion, who knows me well, and when appropriate. I would never respond that way in anything related to PTSD etc.

 

[Thinkingman85]

- I never meant to hurt you
- Things could be a lot worse. Look at all the suffering in the world.
- You have a great opportunity right now. Why won't you capitalize on it?

 

[sweetgirl1975]

Wow!! Well I feel better after reading most of this thread, people are so ignorant! I came home from supper at my mother's place pissed off like I usually do, she says the most unhelpful things. It makes me feel a bit better that I am again, not the only one with a mother who just does not get it. "It could be worse." Really, I'm not sure how much worse you want me to feel. I wish I was dead but I am too damn nice to do anything to hurt you, you idiot!!! ahhhh :)

 

[MissMacD]

It could be worse is a good one.

Obviously the people saying it are trying in some way to help see the bright side of things but honestly when I haven't eaten or slept properly in months there isn't a whole lot worse that things could be because nothing really matters to me anymore. If anyone walked a mile in my shoes the last thing they'd say is 'it could be worse' they'd be begging for me to take my shoes back.

 

[Britt.f7]

I hate "it could be worse", my dad always says that. It only makes me feel worse!

 

[Sara1999]

I've posted a few already, but I got a new one yesterday:

-"I heard about your 'accident'."

No. An accident is when you back into something with your car, or you slip on a patch of ice and sprain your ankle, or you drop your mom's favorite bowl and it shatters. It is not an "accident" when someone shoots you for not giving them what they want. It is a conscious decision. I understand that there is not really a good descriptor ("incident", "what happened to you", "the worst day of your life", etc.?), but "accident" makes me a little angry, like "oops, no big deal", or even like it is somehow my fault. I know that is not the intention, it was said with concern and sincerity, but it is still frustrating.

 

[Abstract]

I wish I was dead but I am too damn nice to do anything to hurt you, you idiot!!!

Sweetgirl, :roflmao: that is it exactly!

 

[Abstract]

As soon as you stop the bad coping mechanisms, suddenly your letting your side down.

hen actually I spent 20 years in denial, avoidance and minimization and never talked about it

You both have said something that touches on a very sore point for me. Springer, I actually find "don't let them win" a helpful concept for me as I get a little fight back and it doesn't tend to cause self judgment and shame but if any of the people in my life that tend to invalidate me said it (read family etc) then it would affect me badly. If someone said it here it wouldn't.

But all of this for me is that people have no idea how hard it is to actually be a visible mess, be kind enough to myself to allow the outside veneer of perfect coping to fall and actually start owning up to the truth. And the feeling that others really don't care about the reality. They just want to feel more comfortable and not see it. It makes me feel like there is a chasm the width of the world between where I am and any of them understanding.

 

[Nighthawk]

My stupid EX Pilates instructor over two or three sessions made the below comments. I stopped going.

There are a lot of people worse off.

You think your mood could be better.

Lets try being positive.

It's all in your mind:eek: If you change your outlook it would be easier :banghead:

Listen it takes me more effort to get myself here than you know. When you push on my aching body you trigger an ffiiiiing emotional response. I don't have energy to walk yet alone listen to you bitch about my mood. While I force myself to be moved, get out of my comfort zone and be in more pain for an hour.

 

[Tanishq]

It's all in your mind:eek: If you change your outlook it would be easier :banghead:

I would question them back. If it is in your mind, what is the meaning of going outside? Brain is not outside. It's inside your head.

It can be frustrating.