Relationship Committed To Him And His Ptsd

[sconley0945]

I met the most amazing man I could meet after a terrible 2 marriage and 8 year relationship with my ex in which I fled from my home state of Tennessee with my children. I met him online and though we had made plans to skydive in the coming weeks as a first date, I wanted to meet him sooner. I felt weird as our face date would be meeting him while jumping out of a plane and screaming my head off. We met up and love sparked, however he told me he suffered from PTSD and I took that for granted.

As time went on and he began to change I thought it was just me, but he assured me while alone together, he loved me. Now that I had the stroke of luck to further try to figure out why, I found this website. I want to help him, be there for him, and let him know that I will fight this with him. My heart tells me that the man I met is in there somewhere but being hidden because of his past.

He was in the Army, and even our first date he asked me would I believe him if he said he had killed 32 people. He looked down as he said as though it would it scare me, but in my eyes it was you or them. He even told me about his first kill and some scary interactions while on another date and I listened intently. I could tell it helped him. To me a great story, but had I known what it meant for him, I would have asked to hear the next 31 times.

Unfortunately, a simple misunderstand caused him to shut down and a death in his family pulled him further away. He used to text me good morning every morning and now will only text me if I text him first, he is withdrawn, and often hard to get information out.

But I am not like everyone else. I want to be here and there for him. Please tell me how to help him... What are some things to expect during our relationship? I am willing to be here and do whatever it takes to let him know that this disease will not win, he will never have to worry about being alone ever again.

 

[Dallas]

Hi Sconley-
Is he in treatment or therapy? If he is it will be easier for your relationship. If he's not in therapy it may be more difficult and you may want to think twice about things. But either way, I would let him make more of the initiating moves. Instead of texting him first, I would let him text or call you. That will give you a better way to assess how he's feeling about you, himself and the relationship. Don't worry, he won't forget about you. Meantime, just focus on your own life. He will call you. If he doesn't feel like talking when you are together, don't force him. He will open up. Just take it slow, let him make the moves and stay focused on your own life, career, friends, hobbies, which is what everyone should do anyway, in any relationship.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[HopeForever]

Sconely, I am no expert, but after about 6 months, I am getting more used to the routine. He never opens up to his mom or sister, and I think its because they are too pushy. But with me, he always comes around at some point and opens his heart to me. Sometimes its days after he's been withdrawn, or even a week or a couple, but its like we have an unspoken respect, and he knows I'm not going to push him, and he comes to me when he's ready.

I know how hard it is to not get those regular texts and to be withdrawn..the first time it happened my heart felt like it was literally ripped out, weeks went by, I researched and researched and this website helped me survive, then I got the text, "do you hate me? I would, I think you need to come over so we can talk."

Just be patient, a couple of months I went overboard and lost my patience and wrote him this heart felt letter that sent him over the edge..and he hardly talked to me for a couple of weeks. So just keep coming back to this sight for support to help you get through until he comes around again :-)

 

[Hashi]

stay focused on your own life, career, friends, hobbies, which is what everyone should do anyway, in any relationship.

I completely agree. Taking good care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for him.

I'm sure you'll see from many supporter posts here that having boundaries is important, not only for you but also for him to keep perspective and to have motivation to work on recovery. Boundaries are difficult for everyone, and can be especially so for those of us with a very bad relationship experience in our history. Self-care and maintaining your own identity will help with this.

I think it's wonderful that you can see the man behind the PTSD. Remember to also see the man with PTSD, because you're going to be spending a lot of time with him too and that's the relationship you have right now. It sounds like you're being realistic that there'll be issues, and I hope this site will help you. I wish you all the best.