Was After The Trauma, Trauma In Itself?

[Venusian]

In my life there have been a lot of traumas, aside from the big significant one that caused the PTSD there have been many smaller ones that probably contributed but wouldn't have caused it on their own. I have had a few comments on my posts, well intentioned and on the face of it, good advice about getting through flashbacks. Things like remembering when you were safe. When I was "safe" I walked into what was supposed to be a "safe" place where I expected to get help and comfort, my classroom inside a church. I was yelled at, I was punished and I was dismissed and I wasn't allowed to say a word. I had almost died, possibly did die and was revived, and no one noticed. I had to walk home and my mother was busy with the younger children and I had to help, and no one noticed.

Now, when I think about the trauma, my homecoming is a part of it and it is never a good part. I was alive, I was "safe" but no one could understand what I tried to tell them. If someone had just asked, "Are you alright?" and actually listened would things have turned out differently? Would I still be up tonight on this forum?

I know most people here have had similar experiences. No one has actually called it for what it is..., it is trauma and it compounds the trauma already inflicted.

 

[maddog]

Venusian, I think it is beyond dispute that what happens immediately and shortly following a traumatic event, most particularly in terms of the support (or lack of) provided to the person, has an enormous impact on that person's outcomes in terms of post traumatic response. Even significant traumas can be managed and processed well in many instances, with very positive outcomes for the sufferer, if the appropriate response is provided in a timely manner, whereas even, by comparison, relatively mild traumas can result in significant traumatic injury if they are not dealt with and the person receives no or counterproductive responses afterwards.

Yes, I too have nothing much to think of when I'm encouraged to think about a time I felt safe - nothing other than the memory of betrayals much like the ones you describe which undoubtedly compounded the traumas and are, in significant part, responsible for how damaged I am today.

All that to say... I get it, I truly do. Particularly as children, when we are so vulnerable and reliant on those around us to provide us with support resources we cannot seek ourselves, the actions and inactions of others can do immeasureable damage. It hurts to think that those adults who couldn't/didn't protect us from the trauma couldn't/didn't even manage to take care of us afterwards, and that is, as you say, a form of trauma all its own.

Maddog

 

[timid_flower]

I agree. I've always felt the reaction I received after speaking up about the abuse was traumatic. At the time, I needed to receive support and to be protected. I got the complete opposite. I never felt completely safe again, and lost all trust in people. When I think about it now, I always see that experience as part of my trauma.

 

[GreenFrog2]

After my adult trauma I had to go to the funeral of a colleague who had just committed suicide (we were both being severely bullied). I withdrew from social interaction due to this. I can't remember being offered any support, and often still think that the isolation, and lack of opportunity to talk and process the events, has led to my developing PTSD.

I was sacked as a part of the bulling and the perpetrators have since then spent a not inconsiderable amount of time telling lies and spreading gossip about me in the industry where I work. So, I get to re-visit the trauma on a regular basis. I think it is slowly dissipating, but as there are several of them, and only one of me I have had very little in the way of credibility so tend to get isolated at work as well........

 

[MissMacD]

My trauma was compounded over many years. It started when I was 5 and I am now 29. I think that for me the most traumatizing thing was being absolutely alone in those experiences and having nobody to turn to. The lack of support and people that I could trust in that time forced me to grow up to fast and adopt my own ways of surviving. If you never pull the weeds in your garden before you know it the flowers will be suffocated. My garden has seen few flowers over the past few years as big stinky murky weeds have kept the sun from getting in. Now I get to start the process of removing over two decades worth of weeds and I have no idea what is underneath but I have every intention of finding those long lost flowers.

 

[Venusian]

There is another thread that is being discussed now about how someone wants to help other people that are caught up in a very traumatic natural disaster that is happening now. It suddenly made me think that while everyone talks about how bad the reactions they were getting from people that they turned to for help and how that made them feel so much worse, no one actually called it a trauma.

If we can't call it a traumatic experience then we can't find a good way to deal with the aftermath of it. When I think about what happens in my area how first responders can help out I know a lot of people do try and lessen the impact. Small children get teddy bears that are donated to ambulance services, people are wrapped in blankets to lessen the impact of shock but it is a comfort getting something warm to snuggle into. But it is just the initial contact and so often even that little bit of compassion is forgotten.

I am not sure exactly what I am asking, I guess I am just fishing for some discussion on what we can do or discussion on what could have been done better. Would the confirmation that the help we didn't get when we needed it was in itself a trauma, would that help? Is there another term that would fit better? Maybe a contributing trauma?

 

[NarcSis]

From a medics standpoint I was always concerned about mitigating traumatic experience for my patients, psychological first aid was a big part of what I did.

Personally, this option was not there for me after my trauma, we "dusted ourselves off" and carried on to the next call. You know, I don't remember the rest of that day save for one brief instant? As my sick days skyrocketed no manager thought to ask what was wrong, they simply threatened me with punishment. The fact that a month after my trauma somehow the paperwork surrounding it got called into question and the whole incident was brought back front and centre in the form of a flashback witnessed by coworkers and a supervisor....and I was offered 'a few minutes' to collect myself...told me that in my trauma, I would find no help or support from work.

That was 5 years ago and I still struggle to function from day to day. In 5 years I've had zero contact from managers, administrators or coworkers - alone and abandoned by what I called my 'family'.

Yes definitely the post trauma responses by others and the social response/environment has a Huge impact on the recovery process - it adds insult to injury....sort of complicates the necessary grieving process if that analogy makes sense.

 

[safenow]

It makes perfect sense, medic72. My first trauma was when I was little. But I handled it well, as the police officer wrapped me in a blanket and carried me to his car. The next truama didn't go so well. The police came busting into the house, arrested the bad guys, but when we got to police headquarters they ask if I'd invited them into the house. I mean, please. They stripped me naked and took pictures of my wounds, and no one even thought to close the door. I won't go on in detail, but lets just say those who cleaned up the mess made more of a mess.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Would the confirmation that the help we didn't get when we needed it was in itself a trauma, would that help? Is there another term that would fit better? Maybe a contributing trauma?

In rape cases, such as my own, it is reffered to as 'secondary hurt'! The secondary hurt I experienced from friends, family, police etc. is such a big part of my trauma, and I believe it plays a huge part in why I developed PTSD.

 

[NarcSis]

Safenow and Crazyhorse, those types of behaviours by my colleagues at work always provoked rage in me. Teen victims of "alleged" rape treated brutally like perpetrators rather than victims by FEMALE officers and medics!!!! I could never, ever understand that.

I'm sorry for all you've endured. Hugs.

 

[Marie10]

I can relate. When I was raped on my birthday 2 years ago by two men, I went to the hospital where they did the rape kit and told me they would call a cab to take me home. I told them I could not leave and do not feel well physically and psychologically. They reluctantly kept me overnight and in the morning had a state worker explain how I would be put in a mental institution if I cannot leave. I gathered what little strength I had a called my "best friend". I never heard from her and took a cab home. She finally called, I told her what happened and she suggested that because I was tipsy I might've misconstrued the event.
So yes, after the event I was faced with another one. I could not tell anyone and was in so much pain.

Afterwards for the next 6 months I used drugs on a daily basis and very heavily just to help blot it out.

The DA said that the case would be too hard to bring to court since it would be their word against mine.
Since this was not my first rape, I felt traumatized by the event and this time the events afterward from the hospital and the "friend".