What Is Therapy For?

[Pencil]

Pencil, if you allow it, i'm sending you a safe, gentle hug. and if it's okay, may I brush your hair while we talk?

Now I'm crying. Thank you for your kindness, Safenow. I needed someone to be human, like you, not 'professional' and being clever with 'optimal frustration' until I faint, puke or die.

 

[Pencil]

The bad can make you so much worse and make it take years

Oh hell yes! I've experienced one really horrendous one - and so I stayed the hell away from therapy for 11 years. Then, when I accidentally connected with T1, and started feeling crazy, I thought I needed therapy. The sad thing is that I learned everything I now know about complex trauma and traumatic transference and so on from my own reading. It was such a relief to be able to see so clearly what has been going on all my life, and not simply feel like a mess, a failure, a disaster, a loser, a f*ck-up. Of course I'm all of those things, but at least I can explain it. Not one of the four therapists even tried to explain my feelings and behavior. And the last one really tried to be supportive, but somehow things kept going wrong. On one level I experienced her as very kind and gentle (which could simply point to a very professional and practiced 'bedside-manner'), but at the same time I often felt traumatised by therapy. It confused the hell out of me and made me feel too useless for therapy, which can make one feel fairly desperate. Thank you Safenow.

 

[Pencil]

I lived outside for a little over a year and a half when I was a small child.

Safenow, it really makes me sad to read about the stuff you've gone through, and I'm so glad you experience peace now.

 

[safenow]

I needed someone to be human, like you,

Wow. I will take that as a compliment. I've been called a lot of things in my life, but you are the first to call me a human. Thank you.

 

[Pencil]

Safenow, you said something about me not needing therapy now that made me realize something I've been thinking for a while - I went for therapy for all the wrong reasons. One has to be fairly solid to go through that process, while I went because I felt I was disintegrating. Quite odd to realize that therapy is not for when one is in a severe emotional crisis. So, my question 'What is therapy for?' has partly been answered.

So, I'm back at needing a grandmother. Can I adopt you?

 

[safenow]

On one level I experienced her as very kind and gentle (which could simply point to a very professional and practiced 'bedside-manner'), but at the same time I often felt traumatized by therapy.

She probably is kind and gentle, or you wouldn't have felt that. I don't care how much people practice "bedside-manner" if they feel it, then it works. If they don't, then it doesn't. Most humans don't know how to handle people like us. PTSD brings out the "real" person. And most people can't handle that. It's an honor to know the people here. For all our wrinkles and farts and silly problems, we are all pretty good people.

I want to thank you for asking the questions you ask and saying the things you did in your earlier post. After talking to you, I realized it has been at least a week since I've been able to go outside. I put on my warmest bathrobe and went out to my patio. The inversion is still strong, but I needed that breath of fresh air. I saw two planets outside, as well as the snow that has drifted onto my patio. The ice cycles hanging from the roof were beautiful. There was smoke from a neighbor's fireplace (the third floor have fireplaces). It felt good, even though it's only 12 degree's right now.

Anytime you feel like talking, if I'm online, invite me to chat and I'll meet you in chat. You can say anything you feel like talking about. I won't tell anyone.[DOUBLEPOST=1358858370][/DOUBLEPOST]

Can I adopt you?

Yes.

 

[Pencil]

Anytime you feel like talking, if I'm online, invite me to chat and I'll meet you in chat. You can say anything you feel like talking about. I won't tell anyone.

Thank you! :hug: And now I'm going to follow your advice and wash my face :) And then I need to try and get some work done. What have you been called? Supergranny?

The inversion is still strong

Would you care to explain?

 

[safenow]

LOL. Supergranny. Now that is funny. I'm just old Gram M.

Inversion is actually a type of smog. It's when the air pollution is so bad if you have a weather map the air is RED. It hurts to breathe when it's like that. People with any type of lung condition can end up either dying or in the hospital.

 

[Pencil]

She probably is kind and gentle,

She is. She was also supportive - above and beyond the call of duty. But, in the end, it is duty, and I, for all the wrong reasons, needed more than that. I couldn't sit and poke around my insides where it was just too raw. I felt, and told her, that therapy feels like rubbing salt into wounds. How does one get 'attached' during such a process?

Okay, I'm beginning to see what therapy is not for; I still wonder what it is for. But I guess it will take me a long time to get to the point where I can benefit from therapy, and hopefully, by then it won't be necessary. But then again, according to the therapist, unresolved trauma keeps messing up one's life until it is resolved, and it can only be dealt with successfully with another person (especially attachment problems, I guess). But dealing with it sends me into a tailspin and then I'll be back at square 1.

I repeat: I am in awe of anyone who can deal with therapy!

 

[safenow]

according to the therapist, unresolved trauma keeps messing up one's life until it is resolved, and it can only be dealt with successfully with another person

I agree with her. however, that doesn't mean you should sit around dwelling on the negative every minute of every day until you figure it out. OH NO.

To my way of thinking, therapy is to learn something, then practice it on your own. If you mess up, you talk to the therapist to find out if you are doing it right. If they say yes, then you practice some more. IF they say no, then make them explain again, in words you can understand. When you feed it back to them, if it's right, then you go practice that for a while.

I've been called retarded because I am so many unlearned inside. I've also been called a genius. I might be both, it's no big deal. The main thing for me, is I need to understand the why of things before I can decide if I want to do the things.

Right after I was rescued, they (the doctor's, nurses, social workers, therapists, etc.) worked very hard to turn me into a human. They showed me all the physical stuff I needed to do. They even tried to show the why I needed to do them that way. I learned how to use a fork and a plate and a knife. I learned how to sit on furniture and sleep in a bed. I learned how to use a toilet and flush and wipe myself clean. I learned how to brush my teeth. I learnd how to stand upright and walk. I learned things that help me in life to be social. I learned the why of all those things and keep doing them even today.

But in the foster homes I saw continued abuse of others in ways the humans didn't realize was abuse. Like yelling at a child when they made a mistake. Yelling doesn't tell them why they should or should not do something. When a child knows the why that thing will make them happy, they are more than willing to do it without being reminded.

Major trauma had me very screwed up for most of my adult life. But no one ever showed me an example of the right way to process that trauma. That's why I stayed so screwed up for so many years.

In 1980's, for the first time, I saw how a real human family in suppose to handle life's situations. All the way from major trauma, like an earthquake that kills a loved one, to normal everyday situations. Real families do not tell the child they are a mistake, they are bad. Instead, they show them they are good and just made a mistake. The adults confess when they make a mistake and work at correcting whatever the problem is. Together that family handled some major stuff and reached out in kindness to this crazy multi with clean, pure love. The taught me so much on how to love people. I pray I never forget that example again.

Resolving a problem with another person does not mean sitting around feeling sorry for any mistakes anyone made. It means doing things to heal. Like keeping a journal with your thoughts. Writing down things that help, as well as things that don't. Then going out and practicing what you've learned. Talking to a therapist or reading books to learn skills, but not moving in with them every week for the rest of your life.

Just the opinions of an old retarded Christian Human.

 

[Pencil]

The taught me so much on how to love people.

That I've never had.

For most of my adult life I was completely disconnected from my childhood. It was when my sister died that it all came down on top of me like an avalanche, and when I saw the trauma counselor, all my difficulties with attachment and became obvious - especially as I learned of the concept for the first time. I then thought I needed therapy to, ) deal with the panic attacks, as well as the reality of what happened, 2) heal in order not to transfer any of this to my daughter.

This, however, did not work :(. If one's major difficulties are in the realm of relationships, it makes sense to me that it has to heal in a relationship, and my guess is only a therapist can deal with it.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Everyone sounds so sane about therapy

Not me, Pencil! I sounded exactly like you! I am a little better and now I don't see him as the evil therapist quite so often. We have a joke - good therapist/evil therapist (my perceptions, same therapist). It is hard to build trust and keep it, but after a while the evil therapist comes less and less. I realized that when I saw him as evil, it was just transference. I hope I made some kind of sense here.