Poll Does Your Family Neglect You Emotionally?

[Britt.f7]

Hi, Invisible-Guy, You would think, since I told her way after it happened and the crisis was low, she would have been able to handle it. I know she must have discussed it with my cousin because my cousin sent me a card with a poem that she said helped her get through hard times. At least my cousin, her favorite niece, hasn't cut me out.

You know, as I do, suicide isn't about the other people. This isn't about her. It is and was about me. I didn't expect, nor need, her to hold my hand and come running to me, but I surely didn't expect her to cut me off. Especially since she and my mother were close sisters(I lost my mother about a year before this happened).

I'm sad to see I'm not the only one. Thanks for the support.

 

[Changing4Best]

Britt, there is a chat that will be held on Feb 3rd, if I recall, all about Suicidal Ideation which you may want to sign up for. It is in the Online Events section right now, for sign-up.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thanks Sheila. I've kept the notice on the top of my page to remind me, should I over come my fear of being in a chat. I've got some time to work through that fear. Thankfully.

 

[saffy]

yes I have never had emotional support and now I do not trust anyone with my emotions at all. everyone thinks I am just fine. That is ok, I do not want pity or fixing. I am used to sorting out my own emotions.

However, if my emotions start in public it is a trigger so I always smile and look cheery :)

Saffy :)

 

[Changing4Best]

My dad always had a smile when he was in public, it drove us nuts, because he never smiled like that to us! Nevertheless, folks probably thought my dad was the happiest guy. He never took exception to hardly anyone or got into any kind of tiff, though one time he had a fit about something they wanted to teach us at church and called for a vote. He won. He was very happy about that, though I wished they had taught us at church what he denied me from learning. I regret it now. I forgive him though, as he had a really rough childhood with an abusive father and the church he attended has some wierd teachings, so if he worried that we would be taught that kind of stuff, I cannot blame him!

 

[shoulderblades]

Apart from early last year when I attended my grandfather's funeral, I haven't had any contact with my family for ten years because of how much they psychologically and emotionally abused and neglected me.

 

[Philippa]

That's pretty much how I have been as well shoulderblades...though not for as long apart as you and your family. It's been about a year and a half since I saw my mother, and a year or so since I saw my father and brother. My other brother lives a few suburbs away, and I saw him briefly a few months ago, but I generally don't like to interact with him too much...he's a bigger asshole everytime I see him it seems.

 

[saffy]

Just because they are supposed to be 'family' does not mean you have to like the person. If that makes sense.

I hated everything my mother and stepdad stood for, If it was someone in the street I would avoid them like the plague so why should I put with it just because they are supposed to be 'family'. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say ;)

best wishes
Saffy
:)

 

[shoulderblades]

If it was someone in the street I would avoid them like the plague so why should I put with it just because they are supposed to be 'family'.

Precisely. In many cases, our family members are people we'd never in a million years socialise with if they weren't family members. That's absolutely true for my family, anyway.

 

[Philippa]

Diversity in the family unit can be interesting for a while, at least I found it to be in my late teens, but very quickly it became apparent to me that I was from a different planet all together to them.

I got used to their company, but there weren't too many times past a certain age, where I genuinely wanted to be around them, and that is how I feel now as well. I miss the people I used to know when I was younger...I don't miss the people they became when I grew older...and I don't really want to talk to them.

I also don't think that I'm the person they wanted me to be either, and aren't on the same wavelength about anything it seems. How can one be expected to want to spend time with people who live a lie, when I am a conscious person who is interested in honest relationships?

 

[saffy]

I also don't think that I'm the person they wanted me to be either

Sound like it is very conditional. You will never make them happy, no matter how perfect you can be to please them. What person do they want to condition you into. Is it really you, or is it what they want? And then comes the guilt about it.

I have been through this, always conditions to their attention, love or acceptance.

For me I lost my whole identity trying to fullfill their conditions. I never could and did not want to be accepted by them any more based on these impossible conditions because it was not who I was inside, no wonder I was in so much inner conflict.

Their conditions meant I had to be a certain 'type' or person. I was not that type and they made me feel guilty and unloved and unworthy because of it.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Ayasha]

Sadly, yes, I was raised to never cry or act upset at all. I was raised to be perfect--be the perfect child therefore you can only be happy all the time. If I ever did show my emotions I got into a lot of trouble and it could go as far as getting spanked or yelled at.

Over the holidays, for example, father yelled at me for crying when I was upset. In his eyes, crying is whiny and is not tolerated.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that a friend told me he considered that to be along the lines of neglect/abuse.