Poll How Are Your Friendships?

[Changing4Best]

Quite often I have been betrayed and let down or disgusted by their egocentric selfish human behaviour. Especially materialism, or stupid comments about money etc.

I had a best friend once that I trusted and loved. I used to give her $25.00 every month so she could stay above water with her finances. Then I could no longer afford to give her any money as the economy worsened.

All of a sudden she dumped me, telling me that her daughter had gotten too close to me and was disobeying her using the excuse that I wasn't there to enforce what she asked her daughter to do. I had been helping her to keep her pre-teenager in line, by backing her up and advising her daughter to behave when I was there. I guess that this became her daughter's excuse then, to disobey her mother unless I was there.

This all conveniently coincided with my stopping the money gifts though, and so I doubted that the reason she gave me was the real one. I felt used!

I moved to another state, and now on Facebook she tells me how much she misses me. I'm betting it's the $25.00 that she really misses still. She can no longer squeeze a car into her budget, she lives in subsidized housing (so do I!) and she will not long from now lose her child support when her 16 year old daughter reaches the age of 18. She'll also lose her apartment, as it is for single mothers!

I think what hurts the most is that I really believed she was my best friend! Little did I know that $25.00 a month could BUY a friend (supposed friend anyway!). I'll NEVER make that mistake again! Not that I could afford to anyway.

 

[who am i kim]

I would like to say what are friends as I do not really know ? I moved often in my primary school years, other children did not want to have me as there friend, my mother got rid of any children I did bring home as they were unsuitable in her eyes. So I did not learn about friendship and really do understand it.

 

[4gtfl1]

The only friend that's stuck by through thick and thin had a bad stroke last year, so other than family, I don't really have friends anymore. I'm a little too messed up to have friends right now anyway. Might as well just wait a little while instead of burning new bridges I guess. My wife is my best friend though :)

 

[Changing4Best]

My wife is my best friend though :).

I'm glad that she is and that would seem to be that your marriage is going well, so I am very happy for you on that! Keep working at it! It can get better and better....

 

[4gtfl1]

Thanks :) There's a few times when I thought it was over, but she's an amazing person.

 

[Changing4Best]

...what are friends
as I do not really know ? ...my mother got rid of any children I did
bring home as they were unsuitable in her eyes. So I did not learn
about friendship...

I'm so sorry Kim! What a drag.

However, I'd like to take a shot at your question, though for sure it is a difficult one to answer, as friendships tend to be unique and individual, each friend is different, and each relationship is also. None the less, here goes:

A friend is someone who will stand by you when you are down or in trouble. A friend is someone who will stick up for you behind your back when others are tearing you down. A friend is someone who enjoys spending time with you, and who you enjoy spending time with. A friend is someone you share with: food, time, energies, love, ideas, hugs, caring and listening, common interests, hobbies, sometimes even cloths, if you are the same or similar size.

Sometimes friends are there in our lives for a season or short time, sometimes they are there for a long time. Some folks have lifelong friends that they have had since childhood, BUT! It is never too late to start, even in old age. Sometimes friends come and go, like if a
woman has children and is too busy caring for them, but then later when they go to school, suddenly she has time for you again.

Everyone else, feel free to add to my thoughts on what friendship is to you personally or just in general! Have fun.

 

[MagiLisu]

A friend is someone who will stand by you when you are down or in
trouble. A friend is someone who will stick up for you behind your
back when others are tearing you down. A friend is someone who enjoys
spending time with you, and who you enjoy spending time with. A friend
is someone you share with: food, time, energies, love, ideas, hugs,
caring and listening, common interests, hobbies, sometimes even
cloths, if you are the same or similar size.

Apart from my spouse I guess I don't have one then:(

 

[Changing4Best]

Apart from my spouse I ... don't have one:(

Sometimes we have to go out and be brave and make one for ourselves. Now don't get discouraged if that prospective friend turns you down. Chances are that the first one you choose won't be the right fit. However, as you go down the line, one will stand out who truely appreciates you, who likes you, who understands your quirks (or at least puts up with them). If you don't try, however, you'll never know!

Sometimes a potential friend will fall into your life in one of the settings you just happen to go to. Also, all friends start off as aquaintances. Friendship either grows from that or it doesn't.

May the Lord be with you in your quest for friendship!

 

[MagiLisu]

Thanks sheila barrera & lostinthere, I just wouldn't know where to begin. Yesterday at work my colleagues were talking about their friendships, group holidays, boozing night outs and I had nothing to say, nothing to add. Just made me feel so alone and hate myself.

If I hate myself how can anyone else like me?

 

[nomedic1]

I don't have friends, feel I don't deserve that connection.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yesterday at work my colleagues were talking about their ...boozing night outs.... If I hate myself how can anyone else like me?

First off, you are better off without drinking nights out. It was best to not get involved in that conversation.

Secondly, work at loving yourself. Buy yourself a gift, take yourself out to eat somewhere (and don't worry about being alone). That is, unless you hate crowds or somethinig. I often go out to MacDonalds for a value meal of some kind, just to get out, and just to be around people.

I listen to others' conversations, sometimes finding something of interest that I did not know. Sometimes, if I am feeling brave and outgoing, I even join in. Sometimes they accept me butting in, sometimes not. When they do, sometimes they even invite me to sit with them. Or the place will be full, no free tables and since I am alone, someone asks me sheepishly if they might sit with me. I am only too glad to oblige.

I've met some interesting people that way. One of them did become a friend for awhile, but she's elderly and as she gets older, I think she wants to socialize less or something. Or maybe she does not have the money to eat out anymore. None the less, we had some interesting times out, until she kind of disappeared.

 

[MagiLisu]

First off, you are better off without drinking nights out. It was best to not get involved in that conversation

I suppose it's not so much wanting to go out and drink myself into oblivion, it's the fact that I didn't have any stories. I haven't done any recent socialising with people. I wake up, go to work, and come home. If I don't go to work then chances are I won't go out, unless it's to see family.

I do go to places like McDonalds on my own, I have no problem going out on my own. I have no problems with someone sitting down with me and talking. I admire people who can just start a conversation with anyone, I had (have) a friend like that, they lives far away now and has a whole new life and I suppose I envy that.

I just see people everywhere with friends, and I just feel like that has and will never be me. I go to work and hear about all these wonderful friendships people have, and all I have to contribute was another weekend doing the same things as last weekend.

It takes so much effort for me to open up and talk to people, and I just feel like I am always the odd one out who never has anything in common with people.