Living With A "startle-response" - Any Suggestions?

[Springer80]

I would like something that was calming when my partner put his key in the front door, that would go "Don't panic, it's someone you love"........ and keep me posted on the PTSD friendly products (this made me smile a great deal).

Have you thought about asking him to text you as he is arriving at your house...getting you to come and open the door? Glad the ideas made you smile....I'm developing some now....

 

[safenow]

I recommend you learn as many grounding techniques as you can. When one doesn't work you can do another. I also recommend you work with a good trauma therapist to process each trauma until triggers are no longer a major issue for you.

I had to learn a new one just this week, and I am a 67 years old female with PTSD from multiple traumas. I also have Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) which is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Thus, it can get rather complicated at times.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Springer: I would just jump at the text. I'll get better, I need to learn to calm myself more. I've started associating certain noises etc with other things, and I need to, um, unlearn the associations. Like when you hear a noise outside at night, remind yourself it's drunk people walking past, and there's no need to investigate. Silly hypervigilance.

@safenow: I really think this is what I need to work on. I like the one where you remind yourself quickly of: where you are, what you can see, what year it is, what can you smell (not always pleasant if someone is using manure on their garden, ha), your feet are on the ground, what you can feel, what you can hear, breathe. I don't know if that technique is called something, but someone taught me it and I adapted it. I've seen techniques similar mentioned on here too. I would like to remember to do it more, although I'm getting better at calming myself and reassuring myself that things are ok, which I think stops my body going into overdrive. My therapy is all a bit up in the air at the moment, but I shall see what is happening soon.

DID sounds very complicated safenow, and I know it's different from PTSD, so you are coping with a lot. I wish you all the best in learning to cope. I also think it's fantastic, in a way, that you can still find new ways to help (although obviously it isn't great having to learn a new one, it's still good there are other techniques out there).

Glad I started this thread, lots of positive ways to get better (wish my therapy was doong the same), thanks.

 

[Loner]

I didn't read all the replies for this thread, I just skimmed them, but they mostly seemed to be talking about calming/grounding techniques. I am going to propose something different. Embrace that startle response, and learn how to use it in a healthy manner. What I am talking about, is start doing things that require high levels of awareness and quick reflexes. For me it is mountain biking, skiing, stuff like that. It could be paintball, who knows, racquetball, whatever. Instead of a heightened level of awareness being something that creates anxiety and fear, find ways to put yourself in environments where it becomes an exuberant joy to feel your mind and body reacting at a high level to challenging but fairly safe (emotionally at least) situations.

The startle response is an evolutionary defense mechanism, animals that reacted quicker to danger and were more aware of their surroundings were less likely to be eaten by predators or whatever and animals that got big dumps of adrenalin and could run faster when they were scared were safer as well. For many people in modern society, and especially people with ptsd, this defense mechanism is run amok. We still experience the stimuli that create the heightened stress levels, but we no longer actually need to spring away from that lion or whatever, so the endorphins find no release, you just get that heightened stress level many times throughout your day and it just builds up inside you, which is not healthy. Find ways to use the endorphins and startle response in the way they are evolutionarily appropriate, that is, ways where those endorphins actually do find their way into your muscles to make you run faster or react quicker and the stress will be released, and you will find yourself more relaxed in every day life. You may think, oh 'adventure/extreme' sports aren't for me, they might seem scary, but just find something. It doesn't have to be dangerous (although that seems to help get those endorphins flowing) it could bejuggling, whatever.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Loner: That's a very interesting idea. I think I have no money to do the things you suggested and I'm a bit too physically fragile to do some extreme sports, with a complete lack of co-ordination as well (trust me, if you had ever seen me try to juggle, you would immediately realise how much I lack skills that are appropriate to catch things, ha). My sport at the moment is changing channels on the remote and surfing the net. You've given me something to think about though. I like running. I'm not sure if that counts as the kind of thing you are suggesting though.

 

[Loner]

Running is good but its just exercise. Exercise is important and will help too, but find something that requires a bit more in the way of spatial awareness and quick reactions. You say you don't have coordination, most people who think that about themselves just haven't developed it. Besides, its not about being good at something, its about challenging your mind and body to react quickly and be alert in a healthy way instead of a fearful and anxious way.

I'll suggest video games as an alternative. Not the greatest choice because they are not physically active so those endorphins still don't get dumped into your muscles, which is the main way they get burnt off, but at least its something that you can focus your mental energy on.

 

[rightkindofme]

I am having trouble with this after feeling it was mostly handled. I used to hit people really hard who scared me. It wasn't even particularly conscious. I was defending myself. People stopped trying to scare me because I was pretty obviously a cornered wild animal.

Now I have little kids and they think it is funny. Hitting them isn't an option. So we struggle.

 

[Bernie's_mom]

I am going to propose something different. Embrace that startle response

I like that! I don't think I would be into extreme sporting either though...

I am most likely to be startled at work. One time my boss came up suddenly on my left and I went airborne. I very "casually" wished him a good morning and then we both just laughed and were extremely relieved that I hadn't just dropped the dozen eggs I was holding.

Another guy at work sometimes makes a game of making me startle. Fun? At work? I'm willing to be a good sport for something like that. I don't think he has any idea that I have PTSD. And I'm not telling--it would wreck the fun.

So, the game is: my trying to be one step ahead of him--catch him on his approach (since I tend toward dissociation, this helps me stay more alert and focused. If I'm hypervigilant, this helps me channel it). Once in a while he can still get me. We both just laugh. Maybe I'll lightly punch him in the arm (release some adrenaline) or maybe I'll give him a quick bear hug (assurance that I really am okay). Therapy in the workplace. Who knew?!

 

[rainy_daze]

@rightkindofme: That must be really difficult, having young children. I hope some of the things people posted will help you with it. Noise really bother me. I hope you can find time to yourself, and if not, a way to adapt.

@Bernie's_mom: Sounds like a good game. I bet it beats workplace blues any day.

I am getting a little better with this, although I am having to remind my loved ones that it is not ok. I am hearing the odd "sorry" now, and I am doing my best to not feel guilty about explaining why I got a fright. I need to wind the stress levels down and empty my internal cup from as much stress as I physically can. I have been doing a bit of self-monitoring, and I realise I get startled in certain situations, and one of the main ones is when I am very busy or concentrating on a task. Now that I feel more aware, I think I can start working on how to tackle this.

I don't think I can start on any sort of sports yet, for a number of reasons, but I do need to start exercising and find a way to relese some stress in healthy ways. If I had money, I would buy a huge punching bag and punch it until I no longer felt so angry. Until I find a way to channel that though, I am taking baby steps to toning the stress levels down by breathing, reassuring myself, telling other people they have given me a fright, discussing this in a calm (as physically possible way) and allowing myself to be heard. If I am not heard, I know I have the option to just leave. I feel safer knowing I have this option, almost like I am more in control.

With saying all of that, I just jumped at the sound of the door opening. God, I hate this.

 

[safenow]

Find ways to use the endorphins and startle response in the way they are evolutionarily appropriate, t

When you are in a wheelchair indoors, how would you do that?

 

[Loner]

When you are in a wheelchair indoors, how would you do that?

Juggling, knife throwing, firearms, video games, 5 finger fillet, etc. Sorry if this is rude, but if you look for excuses you will find them. I'm sorry you're in a wheel chair, but thats your life, make the best of it. Its not my job to think up healthy ways for you to let out your stress and to use your heightened sense of awareness in a healthy way. Its your life. Figure out something. I gave advice that trying to calm yourself down is perhaps not as useful as directing this energy in positive ways. You can take that advice and adapt it to your life, or not. Its up to you.

I don't think I can start on any sort of sports yet, for a number of reasons, but I do need to start exercising and find a way to relese some stress in healthy ways. If I had money, I would buy a huge punching bag and punch it until I no longer felt so angry. Until I find a way to channel that though, I am taking baby steps to toning the stress levels down by breathing, reassuring myself, telling other people they have given me a fright, discussing this in a calm (as physically possible way) and allowing myself to be heard. If I am not heard, I know I have the option to just leave. I feel safer knowing I have this option, almost like I am more in control.

What reasons? Start small. Practice simple agility exercises. Also, a boxing bag isnt that expensive. A hundred bucks will get you a used one. I bet theres a hundred bucks worth of luxury items you could cut out fora month or two. Just saying.

 

[safenow]

Its not my job to think up healthy ways for you to let out your stress and to use your heightened sense of awareness in a healthy way. Its your life. Figure out something.

I was looking for additional ways, not disrespect. Thank you for the tips.