Triggered By A Friend Posting Underage Porn, By Avoidance Behavior, And By Authority Figures

[BloomInWinter]

Deathray, given your experience, you might find Froggie's diary helpful. But, also triggering.

There are good people everywhere trying to do our part to beat these perps. Your friend doesn't sound healthy, wise, nor caring. Anyone who did that to me would be reported to the police, informed never to contact me again, and booted from my life.

 

[shoulderblades]

I know the picture of which you speak. Saw it tonight. Went into near-crippling panic attack. Not impressed. I understand how you feel.

Also, I cannot believe the way the police have acted towards you. And yet, I'm somewhat horrified to find that I'm also not surprised at the same time. The "justice" system here is so eff'ed up and needs a serious, serious overhaul.

Maybe write your friend an email and talk about the things you've mentioned here. I know she'll likely not take it well and may hide from you, but she is also caring and I think would pull her head back out of the sand to talk with you about it eventually. I do think finding some way of telling her (writing a letter/email might be better because it's not as physically confrontational and you can take your time to phrase what you want to say) would be a good idea, though. It's not fair that you're having to deal with this, and you have a right to speak up about your safety and your need to feel safe and have your safety respected. You will not be doing anything wrong by speaking up about your need to be and feel safe and to avoid being triggered.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'd cut all ties with her. She's bad news and will take others down with her.

DEFINITELY do NOT write about any of this to her, as it is creating evidence against YOU.

Save yourself.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

Update.
4am
Talks, drinks, painkillers (yeah I know) weed, and I'm up because excruciating muscle spasms in my lower back and legs won't let me sleep.

Can barely stand to let my husband near me because I'm not feeling defended, even though I understand he doesn't want to tell her right now that he was upset too. Stupid me needing to feel protected and safe and going crazy when I don't. Shut down to a shell.

Suicidal ideation, depression, all of the social phobia and wishing to disconnect from the world coming back. Not coping. Quietly and politely not coping. Exhausted. Defeated.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

I'm not sure if this belongs here or under flashbacks and I can't find a 'triggers' section. I have a lot of trouble navigating websites. I decided to put it here as I'm practically having a panic attack because I'm afraid the mods will get mad at me.

I'm triggered by the thought of authority figures being upset with me, or of bad consequences from authority figures. It's stupid because the mods here are nice. But every time I go to post I'm terrified I'll get something wrong and be banned. I'm afraid I'm not being active enough to warrant support, but I find coming on here so hard still that it's a huge uphill battleme

I have removed identifying information from your first post. Please DO NOT post identifying information about another person...

Teflon Duck,

I absolutely understand that, as an Administrator, you needed to moderate my post and to respond to the issue. However, considering that I had stated in my post how much I am triggered by these matters, perhaps slightly gentler wording could have been used?

I genuinely didn't mean to/think I was going against your legal charter, and am happy to apologize/take on advice. But the way things were couched really triggered me on top of everything else in this post.

 

[anthony]

I am sorry. I have read your legal policies and believed I was acting within the laws stated, as the social networking site I mentioned is a public platform, and usernames and the contents of all accounts are not password restricted and viewable by anyone.

Hi Deathray,

The problem is that laws become very grey when you mention something in a negative context and mention things such as child porn along with it. I would be negligent as the administrator by not staying on the side of caution.

You aren't in trouble. You're simply notified to please not do it, and that the instance has been removed. The laws are now catching up with the Internet, and things are not as simple now.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Teflon Duck,

His name is Anthony but 'Teflon duck' works too. :)

Are you feeling any better after your last post from Tuesday? (post #16)

 

[ms spock]

Protect yourself. Report the suspected underage porn because if you don't, and she gets caught, the server will have a record of you visiting that site. ...and you could find law enforcement at your door.

You do have to report, ethically and morally, if not for your own protection.

There is something a bit nasty about her posting such an image if she is supposedly a feminist with a similar background to you and me. It seems to me like a bit of punishment of you to me.

Is this a friendship you really need in your life? Can you start investing more in friendships with other people?

Your friend doesn't sound healthy, wise, nor caring. Anyone who did that to me would be reported to the police, informed never to contact me again, and booted from my life.

I agree with BloomInWinter's assessment that this is not a friend at all.

I would block someone who would jeopardise herself and YOU by posting such content. In my life there would be no second chances - this is not acceptable behaviour.

Maybe write your friend an email

If possible it is best not to do conflict via email or text. But that is not always possible.

However under these cirumstances it is crucial not to write an email about it as it could make you look complicit in child sexual abuse and child pornography - it is best to seek legal advice before writing such a letter. I would strongly suggest and advise NOT writing about this incident.

DEFINITELY do NOT write about any of this to her, as it is creating evidence against YOU.

You could end up in serious legal trouble as a consumer of this image. This is not something that you need or want on your legal record.

 

[wyrd_dragon]

You do have to report, ethically and morally, if not for your own protection.

I've reported the post to the website, as they have really good guidelines about this kind of content. I agree that further discussion with her (about this post or otherwise) is hazardous to my safety and my mental health. So I've discontinued discussion regarding it and no longer follow her on the site.

I also agree that her doing this is an absolute disconnect with her stated politics and back ground. I feel she is in danger of being harmful to herself and others, and have stepped back to allow other people in her life to deal with the issue. In any case, she's taken my query of her post as some sort of attempt to 'police her sexuality' and 'control how she expresses her feelings' so I'm done there.

I feel I've done the ethical thing by reporting it to the site admins, and my partner (who is an IT professional) safely and anonymously tracked the images back to their source and the model was (unfortunately) technically of age. It's the particular choice of images and context that renders it still 'underage' as far as representation goes, and therefore concerning and hazardous.

Unfortunately, as far as most international law goes, I fear the image is not technically illegal :(

This does not make it any less harmful or triggering to me.

I really appreciate all your support and advice.

Are you feeling any better after your last post from Tuesday? (post #16)

Oh dear -- I tend to use usernames so I just assumed 'Teflon Duck' was appropriate. I'll remember the distinction in future :)

I am feeling more stable now, and less effected. Mostly because I've been pushed so far I have finally disconnected from the issue.

I'm still upset that this person has 180'd on me so incredibly. There's a repeated pattern of people in my life branding me as horrible and controlling when I confront them with issues, and it really destabilizes me.

I understand that this behavior means she's not worth my concern, but after maybe six such incidences in my life, it's hard to remain aloof when the same accusations happen over and over.

I am doing my best to try and stay safe with my husband and in my close and trusted circle of friends. I have a wonderful support network, and that has helped me through the week.

I've yet to hear back from the site about the issue, but I'm confident it's because they are investigating in depth and I'll hear something positive in the near future.

Thanks so much.

Hi Deathray,
You aren't in trouble.

Anthony,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reassure me. It really really helped. I appreciate it immensely. It went a long way to making me able to calm myself about the entire situation.

-DR

 

[ms spock]

I'm still upset that this person has 180'd on me so incredibly. There's a repeated pattern of people in my life branding me as horrible and controlling when I confront them with issues, and it really destabilizes me.

I understand that this behavior means she's not worth my concern, but after maybe six such incidences in my life, it's hard to remain aloof when the same accusations happen over and over.

You need a better selection process Deathray. You are choosing inappropriate people to begin with. You need to choose people who are basically okay and respectful to begin with.

I also agree that her doing this is an absolute disconnect with her stated politics and back ground. I feel she is in danger of being harmful to herself and others, and have stepped back to allow other people in her life to deal with the issue. In any case, she's taken my query of her post as some sort of attempt to 'police her sexuality' and 'control how she expresses her feelings' so I'm done there.

That is absolute rubbish DeathRay. It is a way of not taking responsibility and not owning her inappropriate behaviour. Or on the other hand, it is highly disturbing!

I am glad you are done with her.

Can you make friends that don't have so many problems themselves, have friendships bases on other things?

 

[intothelight]

DeathRay,

You really did do a good job in handling this situation. You did everything right.

As far as your friend goes, she is the one with the problem and how she interpreted your attempt to address a serious issue is her bad, not yours. It is funny how quick we are to blame ourselves for other peoples opinions and interpretations as something we have done "wrong" or something inherently "wrong" in us. Truth is, people have their own opinions and perceptions, and it really has little to do with us. Their perception is their perception.

Relationships are difficult enough, but throw PTSD into the mix and it brings with it a unique set of challenges. While your former friend may have had a lot of common experience to share with you, she also had a lot of unresolved issues. So keep your boundaries and be true to yourself.