Greetings to all. :)
I have recently become aware that I suffer from a form of PTSD. I suppose I suspected that something like this was my problem for a while, but I didn't think about it really being PTSD. Typically, one thinks of PTSD sufferers as those who've gone through severe physical trauma or abuse, or who've been through horrific experiences. How can I compare my situation to those who've had "real" trauma occur? Maybe I was just an over-sensitive kid who should have "toughened-up" more, instead of whining about things.
Nonetheless, here I am. It seems that, when a child is surrounded by enough day-to-day negativity over a very long period of time -- my first 11 years, to start -- this can also cause significant trauma. I've spent over a decade on and off in therapy for anxiety and depression; but, only over the past year, through four therapists and a library of books and articles, did I finally understand what my real problems were.
I have to say that I'm damn angry about all of this. Angry that I'm having to go through this. Angry that it takes so damn long, and that I have no idea *how* long. Angry that there's no real plan or technique to use for healing, nothing I can do except wait for it to take it's own course. And angry that, while it is running it's course, I have to spend day after day living with a perpetual cloud of malaise hanging over me, filtering every present event with the sadness and fear of the past. Yes, this is me feeling sorry for myself at the moment. ;) I'm really curious, though -- did anyone else here feel angry about learning of this also?
I'm also somewhat angry that PTSD is so poorly understood. I've always been empathetic to veterans reporting trauma from combat situations; however, now I know exactly how poorly they've really been treated over the years. And, as far as therapy and psychology are concerned, I think a lot of people spend a lot of money and potentially years accomplishing very little, looking at very superficial issues, only to find-out that, to really "heal", you've got to get at the root causes of your issues, instead of expecting that "positive thought" and "pills" will make everything better (this has certainly been some of my experience).
I don't mean to come-off as sarcastic or bitter. It's just been a rough few months coming to these realizations, on top of dealing with the trauma itself. I'm not even sure I'm getting better, but I *think* I am starting to. We'll see.
Anyway, this is turning into a novel, which is one of the recommendations of what *not* to do, so I'll stop here. I hope we're all on our way to beating this, and pioneering the way for those who come after us. :)
Peter
I have recently become aware that I suffer from a form of PTSD. I suppose I suspected that something like this was my problem for a while, but I didn't think about it really being PTSD. Typically, one thinks of PTSD sufferers as those who've gone through severe physical trauma or abuse, or who've been through horrific experiences. How can I compare my situation to those who've had "real" trauma occur? Maybe I was just an over-sensitive kid who should have "toughened-up" more, instead of whining about things.
Nonetheless, here I am. It seems that, when a child is surrounded by enough day-to-day negativity over a very long period of time -- my first 11 years, to start -- this can also cause significant trauma. I've spent over a decade on and off in therapy for anxiety and depression; but, only over the past year, through four therapists and a library of books and articles, did I finally understand what my real problems were.
I have to say that I'm damn angry about all of this. Angry that I'm having to go through this. Angry that it takes so damn long, and that I have no idea *how* long. Angry that there's no real plan or technique to use for healing, nothing I can do except wait for it to take it's own course. And angry that, while it is running it's course, I have to spend day after day living with a perpetual cloud of malaise hanging over me, filtering every present event with the sadness and fear of the past. Yes, this is me feeling sorry for myself at the moment. ;) I'm really curious, though -- did anyone else here feel angry about learning of this also?
I'm also somewhat angry that PTSD is so poorly understood. I've always been empathetic to veterans reporting trauma from combat situations; however, now I know exactly how poorly they've really been treated over the years. And, as far as therapy and psychology are concerned, I think a lot of people spend a lot of money and potentially years accomplishing very little, looking at very superficial issues, only to find-out that, to really "heal", you've got to get at the root causes of your issues, instead of expecting that "positive thought" and "pills" will make everything better (this has certainly been some of my experience).
I don't mean to come-off as sarcastic or bitter. It's just been a rough few months coming to these realizations, on top of dealing with the trauma itself. I'm not even sure I'm getting better, but I *think* I am starting to. We'll see.
Anyway, this is turning into a novel, which is one of the recommendations of what *not* to do, so I'll stop here. I hope we're all on our way to beating this, and pioneering the way for those who come after us. :)
Peter
