Grounding Techniques?

[DarkPhoenix]

Hi
I'm new here. I hope its ok that I dive right in...

I've been with my therapist for a number of months now for PTSD (and a fun list of other issues). I adore him, and I trust him more than I've trusted anyone in a very, very long time. I really lucked out finding him... My problem is that I keep screwing up. I screw up for a number of reasons, I'm sure, but the one that makes me crazy is that I don't really have any good tools to cope with the PTSD. Every time I think I've found a way to deal with it and I'm heading in a good direction, I make a turn somewhere and I end up feeling like such a loser. He asked me to give him the control, and I told him that he could have it, that I don't want the control anymore.

I trust that he would never intentionally steer me wrong, but I feel like I'm missing some key piece of advice. We have never gone over anything that actually helps ease the flashbacks. When I'm with him, I'm usually ok, but I feel like I don't have enough skills to get me through when I'm not with him. When I ask what I should do when I'm having flashbacks, he tells me to do the breathing he taught me, and to get into old hobbies to distract myself, and to try to replace bad images with imaginary good ones...Unfortunately, none of those things do anything to help me when I'm having flashbacks. The diaphramatic breathing makes my heart race more and I start feeling like I'm having a heart attack, I'm not capable (nor am I willing) to pretend that what happened is not what happened by imagining something different. Frankly, I find that to be an insulting suggestion, but regardless, I'm not imaginative enough to do it anyway. All I can picture is what actually happened. And the hobbies thing, while a very good idea when I have the presence of mind to do it, isn't something I can do when my mind and/or my body is stuck elsewhere. I can rarely seem to even remember that I have hobbies, let alone go and take part in them while having flashbacks.

I keep trying to do things to stop the flashbacks, but they're not always good things. Some may be somewhat destructive. I'm desperate for something that works, and that I can actually do while I'm being bombarded with imagery and stuff like that. Sometimes, I guess I just sort of frantically look for something - anything - that works. I asked him again what I should do, and he told me to stop doing things on my own, and let him direct me. . .Something Id be more than happy to do, if he'd listen when I tell him that his ideas aren't working/aren't for me.

I need to have a way of controlling the flashbacks when they hit me. I've seen "grounding techniques" mentioned here a few times. Can someone clue me in on those? Maybe if I have something that works, and is not destructive, then I can finally let him really take control, and I wont keep feeling like I'm messing up all the time. We're both getting really frustrated with me.

Sorry this was so long. I'd appreciate anything you got!
Thanks!!

 

[I Can Do This]

The hairs on my head stand up when I read that he wants you to hand over your control to him. I don't understand how that is supposed to be helpful to you - and I feel highly suspicious of his intentions. A Therapist's role is to teach you how to handle what you previously could not - not to give it to them so you become dependent on them for everything. As you said, you can't manage the flashbacks when you aren't with him - because he truly hasn't given you any tools.

What kind of therapist is he? I strongly suggest searching for someone who is experienced with PTSD and has training in Somatic Experience, EMDR or one of the newer fields of research. Old school therapy has very little usefulness with PTSD. Please consider this, I hope he is a good caring doctor but this is soooooo counterintuitive!

 

[DarkPhoenix]

Lol. I think the control thing sounds creepier than it is. :D He thinks I'm a bit of a control freak (he may be right), and I think he's trying to teach me that I don't have to be in control of everything all the time. I'm kind of a mess. While the PTSD bothers me the most, I have a slew of other things that I also need to take care of in therapy. I think maybe he's trying his best to help me with as many issues as he can at one time so I don't get too frustrated with everything weighing me down. The handing-over-control thing feels more like a creative fix than anything else. And I trust him enough to let him have the control. And I certainly don't know what I'm doing, so it feels right to give it over to someone who knows where I'm supposed to be heading, so he can get me there. But he's not domineering at all or anything like that. It's more like a leader/follower thing.

I thank you for your concern though! I probably would have felt the same way if I had just read that. I should have been more clear about it. My apologies.

I believe he's strictly CBT, and he is pretty experienced with PTSD. . .I never actually asked him how many cases he's worked with, but I know he works with veterens at the VA with PTSD, so he's definately trained.

Even with this (granted, huge) gap in treatment, I really don't want to find a new therapist. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about it, but I think I'd be miserable seeing anyone other than him. And I really do believe he can help me, if I could just change myself in the ways he wants me to. I'm just sooo bad at seeing what I'm doing wrong when it comes to thoughts and beliefs and things like that... I've got to be the most frustrating patient he's ever had, but he is incredibly patient with me, and he is really trying to help me, and in some ways, he is helping me feel better by leaps and bounds. Even when I can tell I'm driving him crazy, he makes sure to let me know he cares about me, and I can always feel that he cares about me. That's a feeling I don't often get to feel. Outside of therapy, I'm alone (I'm agoraphobic and I cut off all my friends a long time ago). Just knowing how much he cares, is more helpful than anything any other therapist has ever given me. He makes me feel really safe.

The only way I feel like my needs aren't being met at all, is in that I dont have any usable skills to get myself grounded when Im having flashbacks.

A while back, somebody had told me to eat ice when im having flashbacks. Is that a grounding technique? Is that the type of thing I should be looking for?

 

[Venusian]

A while back, somebody had told me to eat ice when im having flashbacks. Is that a grounding technique? Is that the type of thing I should be looking for?

That is exactly the type of thing that you should be doing. Anything that draws your attention to your actual surroundings and brings you back to the here and now. There are different breathing techniques that work for me because when you concentrate on your breathing and how it feels drawing it in and out, using the different parts of your body and noticing how it feels, and just getting air into your lungs. Many times when the flashbacks happen I find myself having a hard time breathing because that was a part of the trauma. Learning to control my breathing helped pull me out of the flashback and also gave me some insite into why it triggered me so badly. One technique I find especially good is while you breath make it feel like you are breathing in from the souls of your feet and follow your breath up to the top of your head and then breath out from the top of your head and follow it to the souls of your feet. Just control your breath so that you don't pass out.

There are a lot of good threads on here that have a lot of suggestions, just search for "grounding". Remember to practice as many as you can before you need them so that they come back to you easier when you need them. Not all things work for everyone and they may not work everytime so it is important to try different things.

 

[MomOfTwo]

I am just learning grounding. I was given the 3,3,3 principle as the doctor called it. Scan the room and look at three things, touch 3 different textures, hear three different things. Get up and walk around and stomp my feet, wave my arms.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

Those are good suggestions. I will give them a try.

Thank you!