Raised the topic last night. Did not scream or shout, or raise my voice.
When it became apparent that he just didn't get it, I asked a few well thought out questions.
What about ANY of your responses to HER (volunteers) answers to your questions was positive or constructive?
Could ANY of your responses be seen in a positive light?
How is stating that I am supposedly bedridden and unable to do ANYTHING for the dog in any way helpful to the picture we were trying to offer as a foster home?
Given that you reply off the cuff, and don't put things together - do you think that all the negative behaviours of the dogs that the volunteer was describing could have been a result of someone who was incapable of handling the dog?
If you had been looking for constructive rather than destructive ways to look at the situation - why not ask me what solutions I had afterwards?
I am extremely good with dogs, everyone who knows me well has seen this for a fact, if you really did believe in my abilities to foster and 'ressurect' these dogs, why are you so concerned about their supposed behaviours?
The volunteer described dogs which were "good luck in keeping them off the couch", had separation anxiety, tore things up after being left alone for 40minutes, and dogs who went to the toilet inside, and took 2-3 days to figure out the personality of the dog.
How many of these traits match dogs from your past?
Do you think this is indicative of someone who knows what they are doing on a knowledgeable level?
If you have a concern about the dogs, why not ask me - the person who will be negating all of these issues - not the volunteer - how to deal with it?
Where in your responses was there any indication in the faith of my supposed abilities that you rave about to other people?
After several questions like this, and both of us managed to reach an equilibrium, and he did state several times that he could see that his benchmarks for things were much lower than mine, and that he had not supported me, and had been rather inappropriate.
I stated to him that I had placed trust in him not to be an ass, and he had completely and utterly let me down, hurt, humiliated and destroyed me and left me with no confidence in not having to deal with his negative responses to the dog.
He did also mention - which I hate - but is in my nature, that I tend to try to find ways around things that I've been told 'no' to, and he didn't want to be walked over. I don't know that I walk over him, but I will certainly try hard to bring someone around to my point of view with logic and appropriate scenarios.
I said that this was fair enough, but given that I had asked him for each of his concerns, and addressed and negated each one - how was I walking over him?
I also said to him that it would not be fair for him to complain about things like fleas, cats getting chased etc, because - given my track history - had I ever let an animal get hurt in my care, or remain in poor condition?
He was very chagrined at that question.
He stated that he felt that my understanding of how the situation would turn out if I DID go ahead and get the dog was incorrect and almost demanded an opportunity to prove me wrong.
He said that he understood that his responses had removed my faith in him (in THIS particular topic), and he wanted the opportunity to get to know the dog, and understand what it was about, before he started having issues.
I bluntly stated throughout the entire conversation that based on his behavior with the volunteer, as well as conversations prior - I did not feel supported, and could not risk the likelyhood of having to deal with his shit.
At the end of it, I could see that he was really unhappy with himself, and he had also realised that his concerns would be listened to at any time.....but the conversation last night was not the time to raise those concerns.
I did also say to him that if he did have concerns, to write them down, and I would provide a response to each of them, or find a solution until he was happy - his concerns to me were completely valid, but his behaviour was not!
He did also say that he wanted to do this for my health, as well as the baby's, and that both of those were really important to him - and yes - before I open my mouth - he could see that he had not supported that point of view by him for him.
At the end of the whole thing I just said to him that we had come to an agreeable equilibrium (although I still had not agreed to bring home the dog), I forgave him for the whole incident, and I would like to start fresh.
Did I handle this ok?
I didn't want to walk over him or guilt trip him into anything, I just wanted to let him know that he had REALLY let me down, and how he had done that.
