Is Life With Ptsd Worth Living?

[InHell11]

And if they get worse rather than better? I guess I am just not used to things ever getting better, they never have in the past so not sure how they would now. Every time I start thinking things are improving maybe just a little something sets me back, and it seems like I am back where I started.

I guess it gets better just isn't something I can cling to anymore, since when it doesn't then I feel stupid for actually getting my hopes up. So I'm trying to find ways to convince myself its worth it even if it doesn't get better but then of course I am sick of how I feel.

 

[rightkindofme]

Well, I ascribe to the roller coaster model theory of life. Things go up and things go down. Yes, there is bad ahead of you.

Really and truly, every day of your life has been a complete misery? Then move. Go somewhere else. Meet new people. Try a new kind of job. It will be hard but it isn't harder than staying where you are.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Not sure if I can get the trazodone there because its a re-fill through the same place I go to therapy, so its on their records

Just ask the pharmacist at Walmart or Target to transfer your prescription. They do it all the time. Sleep is so important when you are feeling bad.

 

[InHell11]

When I am doing especially bad I'll normally tell myself to wait until I get out of that space to see how I feel about it.

I have tried that before and sometimes it works. However it doesn't seem like I am moving in the direction of getting out of that space seems more like I am just getting more and more consumed by it.

With applying for SSI is it possible that the stress is aggravating things at the moment?

Yeah, I am sure that is a significant factor.

 

[InHell11]

Just ask the pharmacist at Walmart or Target to transfer your prescription.

I feel pathetic saying it but that's like asking me to climb an entire mountain, that is how bad I am at dealing with people even over simple matters, but next time I have money maybe I'll try then again it might be just as cheap where I already get it.Sleep is important but I still am getting sleep and I still have some trazodone left since I've mostly only been taking it for sleep and not anxiety.

 

[heidi]

I have tried that before and sometimes it works. However it doesn't seem like I am moving in the direction of getting out of that space seems more like I am just getting more and more consumed by it

But I think that space can last a long time. The fact that you are so low right now shows it's possible there is still room for you to move out of feeling this bad. Like it's at the low end of your spectrum and there is room for at least some bounce back and you won't be feeling this bad forever.

Also with applying for that stuff and all that stuff that comes with it you are succeeding in doing that. A lot of people would have problems problem solving when at this level and being focused enough to stay with it. I think you're looking out for yourself and I think you're doing it.

 

[InHell11]

Really and truly, every day of your life has been a complete misery? Then move. Go somewhere else. Meet new people. Try a new kind of job. It will be hard but it isn't harder than staying where you are.

The first bit about the roller coaster model makes sense. Anyways every single day of my life has not been complete misery, but a large portion of it. I was chronically ostracized and bullied starting at a young age and I didn't have the choice to not go to school so I got to sit there and take all the damage it did that is part of my issue just having my self worth and such destroyed. I mean a lot of it is just past stuff that can't be undone that still severely effects me.

As for my current situation its not ideal, but I don't have the option to move as I have no income. I am certainly not in a good place to try going out to meet new people, not to mention once again I can't afford to anyways I can hardly afford a bit of bus fare to get out of my moms place and see other people like my dad or my brother. I am actually pretty intimidated by people, not even sure how to go about meeting them if someone approaches me and starts up a conversation its usually not so bad, but I can't even bring myself to approach anyone let alone talk to them.

And I would work if I could, since it would get me income and then I'd have a bit more options but it would seem SSI is the best option since I am hardly functional at home let alone on a job.

 

[InHell11]

@ heidi, I suppose so I guess I am just worried part of looking after myself will involve the psych ward. Since I am not so sure the bouncing back a little to the point I at least have more motivation for life will occur before I become harmful to myself over not being able to take how I feel.

I guess it wouldn't hurt the SSI process, unless of course it got in the way of completing paper work and such. I just don't want to resort to that again but I have to do what I have to do even if it includes that.

 

[heidi]

ohhh.. I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly.

Maybe this whole question of is it worth it is sort of not important. Because it's probably not and yet maybe you know that you are still going to do what you have to do for yourself.

It's the drudgery of survival I guess.

But I admire you because you're so young and you have no support and yet you've been doing it this long.

I still think there is room for you to feel better and you are at an especially bad place right now.

Also did you mean that feeling so bad that you are considering going to a place right now? Or are you talking about worrying about needing to in the future?

 

[InHell11]

Also did you mean that feeling so bad that you are considering going to a place right now? Or are you talking about worrying about needing to in the future?

Its hard to say, I am probably going to bring it up with my therapist today because I am a little confused about it. I mean I don't have any specific suicide/self harm plans but I feel like if something was to really upset me I'd have a hard time not giving into those thoughts.

I am thinking feeling like I am unsafe around myself is probably a good indication I should go sooner rather than later.

 

[nimkekaa]

so I wonder if I even have PTSD

Have you been diagnosed?

I have only been taking it when I absolutely need it not as much as its recommended

Sometimes not taking it as prescribed can have bad side affects. I would be honest with who prescribes it and see if maybe not taking the meds as recommended could be adding to the way you are feeling.

I am thinking feeling like I am unsafe around myself is probably a good indication I should go sooner rather than later

Sounds like good advice to me!

 

[xena21]

I feel pathetic saying it but that's like asking me to climb an entire mountain, that is how bad I am at dealing with people even over simple matters

I feel for you. I understand where you are coming from and the level of torment must be immense. I am sorry you are feeling this way. When I saw a therapist (that I didn't stay with) the other day, she asked how my grooming habits were and suggested for me to take a shower once a day, after I had told her I was taking one once a week. It felt like the same as you describe. I was overwhelmed and just felt so depleted. I thought that it was such an uphill battle that she and the world didn't understand.

So I get the feeling of hopelessness that you describe even in your simplest tasks. Don't feel bad about it. I know you probably have some guilt or shame, at least I always do. Though I know you are suffering with a heavy load that most people really just don't get...not even many therapists. I hope your therapist is a good one that does get it, and is able to help you find the right path to take. If that means going to the hospital or getting more treatment another way than I hope you are not ashamed. You need support.

I wish you the best.