Sounding Like A Child?

[Akoya Dawn]

Hi Everyone -
I'm new here and please forgive me if this is a question that has already been asked.
a little background: I have a history of childhood sexual abuse, plus two rapes within the past ten years. I have been seeing my current Therapist, going on 7 months now. We have yet to talk about the trauma of my childhood, but I can already tell that I know more about PTSD and sexual abuse than she does. She is more of a Marriage Family Therapist and doesn't specialize in trauma. I'm not willing to find a new Therapist because I just don't want to start over.

My question is - when I start thinking about how to talk about the trauma, in my head I totally sound like a little child. I'm so afraid that I will begin talking about it with her and all of the sudden sound like a little child. I don't even know what is going on, so how do I know that she will know what is going on???! Is this normal?? I mean, being afraid to talk because you know that your voice and the way you sound will sound like a little child? Maybe I'm just crazy? I'm afraid my Therapist will think I'm crazy...

Any advice or anything would be greatly appreciated...
thank you!

 

[Abstract]

Hi! And welcome. I actually think it is totally normal to sound and use language like a child if what you are talking about happened as a child. I think its part of re experiencing in some sense. The memory is also there and interpreted by your child mind. Maybe when you have worked through it and integrated it properly you will use adult words and adult you.

You are not crazy and are just traumatised.

Personally I wouldn't be able to talk about this stuff with a marriage therapist though. It has astounded me what some therapists don't know.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok I'm going to tell you this point blank.

You are making a HUGE mistake.

If you had a heart problem would you say oh well I already have a neurologist and don't want to bother finding a cardiologist because hey, they're both doctors so they can both help me equally well. Uhm, no.

Someone inexperienced with trauma can EASILY retraumatize you. Yes, it's happened to me and it sucks to be left high and dry with no one to turn to immediately.

And the child thing.... You're dealing with a marriage counselor so she may have no idea how to deal with regression other than what she learned in that one chapter of a book she was reading as part of a class to fulfill an elective requirement while in school.

 

[Pencil]

I agree with SoL wholeheartedly!!

 

[safenow]

I agree with SOL. Find yourself a good trauma therapist as soon as you can. Don't waste your time or money on the wrong kind of therapist. You are only hurting yourself by sticking with this one.

Safenow.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Someone inexperienced with trauma can EASILY retraumatize you.

You hit the nail on the head with that. My therapist has 26 years of trauma experience and he tells me when I talk about my early trauma my tone of voice changes, my language changes, my whole demeanor changes. I hadn't noticed so I felt weird when he told me but I'm assuming it happens a lot.

 

[Abstract]

That is definitely what happened to me... And it didn't take that much.

 

[fyredrift23]

Hi Akoya Dawn, and welcome to the forum! :)

I understand not wanting to switch to a different mental health professional after building up a rapport with this one. It can be a lot of work, and sharing can be very difficult and time-consuming. It sounds like you have been working with this provider long enough to feel she has gotten to know you at least decently well.

I gotta say, though, I agree with others here to an extent. If completely switching would be too much right now, would you be able to/interested in seeing a different professional in addition to the one you are seeing now? Personally, my therapist, while not a trauma specialist, per se, has extensive experience with trauma situations. A psychologist I saw while in college was not, and, though she was very good, she would not have been able to meet some of my needs.

It sounds like, right now, you are ready to discuss your experiences with sexual abuse. You need to be able to effectively delve into your history while, simultaneously, running as low a risk of re-traumatization as possible. All that really means is it's definitely in your best interest to work with someone who knows what they're doing.

All traumas are delicate and need to be handled gently. If you're noticing a regression in mannerisms, speech, thought, etc. when you discuss the sexual abuse that took place in your childhood, this is all the more reason to seriously consider finding a professional who can help you appropiately.

The "little you" that is recalling these events while you're in a therapy session needs the help of an adult who is no stranger to witnessing this (very normal!) reaction in order to make sense of it and be able to process what took place more fully.

Best of luck to you, you're doing great work! :D