Triggers - Emotions & Other Complex Situation Or Is That Not Possible?

[Abstract]

Thanks Pime No!

I was thinking about the thread and after I read your response I went back and read it again from start to end. I still feel like a stressor does not really explain the experiences I am talking about somehow. Not after reading Anthony's examples.

From what I understand, the key difference between the two is the fact that if it is a trigger, it must be directly connected to the trauma itself, causing symptoms like a flashback, whereas a stressor can cause you e.g. to get nervous, a panic attack but the cause of the stress in that situation is not directly connected to your past trauma.

That's the way I understand it too but what happens if it is a complex combination of emotions and it is directly connected to trauma? There are a mass of things that would really instantly send me into flight and fight and from which it would take me a while to come down from but that I would clearly see as stressors.

(they exist, I do have one!)

Ha! :playful:

. So, the fact it's still a frying pan may well cause you to feel panicky, overwhelmed, ready for flight, but since it's NOT DIRECTLY RELATED to your past trauma, it is a stressor. Also, the person who does the cooking is a woman, and there is not THAT PARTICULAR MOVEMENT that could trigger you.

I totally understand what you are saying here and I too would describe that as a stressor.

There are many things that partially relate to things that make me draw breath and feel panicky but that I would see as a stressor.

I, personally, would never say someone who went through that assault with a steel frying pan could not get triggered by someone with a teflon pink-colored frying pan.

And this is relevant as well as sometimes its as if things just click into position in a strange and unexpected way.

This is, I think from introspection and self-awareness, because I am more "there", in the sense

And this is relevant because I think this is what happens when I don't realise it is a trigger. If I know things are triggers then I think my mind finds ways to try to process it and protect me.

Thanks again! It made me think...

 

[Abstract]

Errror,

I end up thinking that he will decide that I am too much of a hassle and that he will just leave m

I think this is a perfect example of a stressor in my opinion. You are thinking things and evaluating them and that is causing an gradual increase in stress.

And heaven knows what affects these things sometimes! Time, place? I have no idea.

 

[Abstract]

A nine mm

Sorry that happened Max. Obviously either a flashback or trauma related hallucination/intrusion.

 

[Err0r]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Max.

 

[fyredrift23]

Wow, Meadowsweet, your definitions were right on! I love how you explained that :tup:

Abstract:
Not sure if you're still looking for help, but I always viewed "stressor" and "trigger" in a way similar to what Meadowsweet described.

The key difference, for me, is that a trigger can be very quiet or subtle. I may have reacted/responded a certain way in my environment but not know why, let alone know I'm even reacting to something to begin with. I've always considered "triggers" to be quite deep, whereas "stressors" can be much more simple. However, they do seem to overlap quite a bit, I understand! I'm still learning all this stuff myself so, please, do not consider me an expert by any means, lol.

Here's a personal example:
About 2 or 3 months ago, a family friend arranged for me to have an interview with someone from a governmental department. It was for a file clerk position, essentially, and I have an extensive background in clerical work. I earned my Bachelor's degree only 2 years ago, and I had worked all while I was in school. This should have been a piece of cake for me, basically, lol.

However, after graduating, I spent the next 2 years battling Depression and, at one point, fighting for my very life (suicidal, pretty much). Finding employment wasn't necessarily the most important thing in my life then! I stayed with family and stuff, so I got by with their support, and insurance covered my medication and weekly therapy sessions.

Well, I was scheduled to have a phone-interview right after one of those sessions. I hadn't interviewed for anything in, literally, years, so I was very nervous. I also knew my family friend was connecting me and putting in a good word, so I really didn't want to screw up and make her look bad. I was out in public, so, instead of riding the train and having the next stop constantly blaring in the interviewer's ear, I opted for the Barnes & Noble across from my therapist's office.

All that was mentioned in the above paragraph were what I call "stressors." Therapy sessions involve sharing highly sensitive and personal information, so I always experience some level of anxiety. I was out and had to find a decently quiet place for a 30-40 min phone interview. My family friend was putting herself out there, and my interviewing skills were rusty. "Stressors" galore. (Also, I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything by putting quotes around the word. I'm just trying to set it off from the rest of them :) )

Now, here's where it gets interesting, lol. Everything was going super well until the end of the interview. The lady started questioning me about the "gap" in my work history. When I tried to explain without giving away my personal business, she straight-up asked me the same question, expecting a different & better answer I suppose. Anyway, she was a flat-out jerk to me. All of the good stuff and great stuff we had just spoken about (she was encouraging and sweet, etc.) went right out the window. It didn't matter anymore all of a sudden. It's as if she set me up. I'm a recent college grad, very intelligent, lots of potential, applying for a very simple job (she said so herself!) one minute. The next, you'd think I had been arrested for shoplifting or failed a drug test.

I got SO upset, Abstract. I was incredibly embarassed, and I felt like I moron. I thought I was doing so WELL and answered her "work-gap" question perfectly, the best I could off-the-cuff. I totally thought I had the job. I was feeling so proud of myself! Then, I was chopped down in one fell swoop, plummeting to the Earth. She left me no "out," basically, Abstract, no way to "save myself" or regain my footing. I was simply chopped right on down. And, boy, did that ground HURT! :cry:

THIS is the part that I would describe as my "trigger." After it was all over, I had to go into the store's bathroom and cry as silently as I could, I was so upset. I was in there for a good 10 minutes. I felt scared and awful and alone. I predicted future failures with interviews, future let-downs. I was doggin' myself out, makin' myself feel as low & worthless as possible.

Now, I spoke with our family friend (who deeply empathized with me, thank God!) soon after, met up with a friend, told my understanding mother. I was feeling MUCH better by the end of the day. However, it wasn't until a few days and a rather long journal entry later that I discovered WHY I reacted like that. Think about it, why in the world would one bimbo interviewing me for one simple-ass job send me to a Barnes & Noble bathroom stall?

I found out that this was exactly the way my mother made me feel when I was in elementary school and, particularly, high school (so, about ages 11 to 17). I'd bring home an exemplary report card with, say, 5 "A's" and 1 lonely "B." This was constant, mind you. I stayed on the "A" honor roll in grade school and "High Honors" Honor Roll in high school. Seriously. Every. Single. Time. I even won an academic letter award in high school for maintaining a 4.0 grade point average for 2 consecutive semesters. A rare award indeed!

Yet every. single. time. my mother would say,"That's great!...but what about this 'B?'" I'd always be like,"...I dunno *mumble* *mumble.*" The hell was I supposed to say to THAT?! The hell kinda question is that?! To a kid?? A freakin' child?? When that stupid bitch that "interviewed" me trapped me in a corner, it brought back a wave of all those terrible things I'd feel every report card season :( I thought I had done SO well in school. My mother even constantly bragged about my grades and made copies for whoever wanted 'em. I thought I'd get a reward for bustin' my ass, like my friends did when they got "B's" or just friggin' passed their damn classes. Instead, it was,"Good job!...but do better next time."

Thank you for bearing with me, Abstract (and everyone else!). Mind you, I don't believe anything is universal, I just think we share some things in common (stressors) more than other things (triggers).
But, basically, I look at it like this: if both you and me and J and Q and that girl down the street can feel similar tension about an event/person/thing, that's a "stressor." Paper due tomorrow and you haven't started, lost a job, got in a fight with a friend, puppy ran away. All of those can be considered "stressors" in most circles.

If, when you were 3, and your grandmother got you a Mickey Mouse stuffed animal, and she passed away when you were 12, seeing a Mickey Mouse plushie at a Disney Store you visit when you're 16 might bring you to tears.

It is safe to say that, generally, Mickey plushies don't cause one to cry on-sight. I call that a "trigger," friend ;)

Hope that helps! Great thread! :D

 

[Abstract]

Hi Firedrift,

Thanks for the answer. This is a very informative thread that Anthony started if you feel like looking: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.9903/[/DLMURL]

I am very sorry you had such a disappointment and that things went wrong half way through. I am sorry that nothing was ever good enough for your mother and understand why it affected you in that way. Its very painful for a child to feel like that.

I was always a child that wanted to please and it took me until my late thirties to realise that how well I was doing was really other than the point. I was always "stupid" and "useless" etc but when I did well at something it seemed like the negative attention escalated enormously. I din't realise that consciously and rather just spent my energy trying harder: try harder -don't do anything well. In my thirties I at last realised it was all just a means of control and a way to demean me.

What occurred to me on reading your experiences is what Transactional Analysis calls "Rubber Banding". Where situations pull us back to how we felt as a child or in the past.

 

[Err0r]

I kind of wanted to add a question to this thread - I hope you don't mind, Abstract.

Do you guys keep lists of your triggers/stressors? I've honestly never really considered it, and even though I'm not working with a T yet, I think it may be helpful in the future.

On the otherhand, I know that certain things triggers/stressors become more heightened depending on what kind of state of mind you are at the time.

Thoughts? Have any of you found it helpful? Unhelpful?

EDIT: Sorry, I just realized some of this was discussed in a previous post (the Stressor vs. Trigger post) but if you don't mind, I would still love your input (as it may differ from what others have said on the thread).

 

[fyredrift23]

Thanks for your sweet reply, Abstract :)

And Err0r, I never thought to do that! That sounds like a great idea, and I don't see how writing down triggers & stressors could be a bad thing. It seems like it would definitely help alert you to things that can cause you trouble. Also, it feels better when, after being triggered, you know what happened and why.

Cool suggestion! :cool:

 

[Mayday]

For me, a trigger is something that causes an immediate, more noticeable response, whereas a stressor is kind of a toned down version of a trigger, and I might not even notice the effects of it until later on. It's also easier for me to be a bit more objective or detached about a stressor, whereas a trigger will affect me much stronger and will cause reactions in me that I can't control.

I will have to go read the stressors and triggers thread now

 

[Abstract]

lists of your triggers/stressors?

Error, I don't mind. Happy for the thread to go where it goes. I have heard that it is a helpful thing to do and did make an attempt. I still find so much confusing. I decided I need a therapist before doing more. It seems to help me sometimes if I am prepared and realise something is a potential problem.

It's also easier for me to be a bit more objective or detached about a stressor, whereas a trigger will affect me much stronger and will cause reactions in me that I can't control.

This is along the lines of what I felt Mayday but then after reading Anthony's thread I dismissed a lot of things as stressors. Because it did not lead directly back to something that happened. But then there is an enormous gap anyway and I am not even sure about what happened or didn't I suppose.

Some things truly feel like proper triggers but I don't exactly know what the trigger would have been or why. :confused: