Can't Take Other Sufferers Seriously?

[Akeso]

its frustrating to have high functionality thrown in my face (by people I actually know) with a side of judgment. These experiences carry over so that I'm skeptical of anyone who talks about their suffering but also throws around the high functioning thing.

Which seems very unfair to the people on the forum. And surely it's projecting? Projecting what you see in people in real life onto forum members, to the extent of questioning their diagnosis or honesty.

I think, treat people as you wish to be treated. You don't want to be judged or not take seriously, so...

 

[Wozesi]

These experiences carry over so that I'm skeptical of anyone who talks about their suffering but also throws around the high functioning thing.

This is what projection is. It is when we start projecting experiences we have onto everyone.

Then the judgment continues and so on.

I think you really are projecting as you are talking in blanket statements about other sufferers on this site too and I have almost never seen that here. Really there is an element of you judging yourself and you are not owning that.

I find it is wise to be really careful about who I discuss things with in real time. Most of us won't be understood there unless in certain settings. I don't think I have ever seen anyone on here describe being understood by all around them in realtime so you are no different to anyone else on here in that respect.

There are also responses that we can be doing that trigger others to respond to us in these ways and we need to consider that too.

If you just discuss all you can't do and are always playing victim then that is an example of something that will trigger people to start saying "get it together". Have a read of "games people play" transactional analysis if you actually want things to change. Sometimes peoples response to us (from those who have similar experiences) is about what they think will help us the most and is absolutely nothing to do with judgement.

My biggest guess is that you need to work through your own feelings about not working and stop getting distracted by how you choose to see others motivations.

 

[Porep]

Honestly I don't see how it's "unfair" to people on the forum. I don't reply to them or interact with them in any way. I just move on to another post. They have no idea how I really feel. It's not like I reply to them and say "you freaking liar, you are high functioning so you don't have PTSD and have no right to be here!"

I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same. That's all. Nobody goes from one situation to the next without carrying some sort of baggage from the past.

I stated in my second post that I have been judged in real life and my skepticism carries over onto the forum. I didn't ignore any replies. I'm not one of those people who replies to every single post but I have read them all. My second post was a clarification of the first, but the situation seems to still be unclear so I must have not explained myself well.

I have a feeling that people can't identify because they haven't been in a similar situation. I never said it was "ok" to think like this. I just stated that I do and why I do and was wondering if anyone else thought the same.

Someone at some point stated that the judgment was here on the forum and somehow that was attributed to me. Then it was turned around to say I'm being judgmental. But, I didn't say that people here were judging me. I said it happens in my life.

 

[Meri]

OK. I think you expressed it in an unfortunate way. It did come across as judgmental in your first posts - if it hadn't you wouldn't have got the responses you did.

I think you still need to be careful about how you express things. You didn't reply to anyone on the forum directly calling them a liar but if you post that idea here without being clear exactly what you're saying then you might as well have. You're interacting with them in this way. Anyone who's high functioning would identify themselves as who you're talking about.

I still don't understand whether you really think high functioning forum members might possibly be liars. I don't think you understand why this is sensitive.

 

[Jufodaz]

I guess I'm high-functioning in the sense that I have a very easy job that I can do in my sleep, even though I have anxiety attacks all day I'm able to do my job. However I'm completely isolated socially and when I read about other members here who have spouses, families, significant others, I admit I feel jealous. I don't think they are suffering any less than I am, but they had a magic moment in their lives where they were able to trust and love someone despite everything they've been through, and I haven't had that magic moment yet because I've always been paralyzed by my fear.

I do try to be positive on the forum. I've probably gone through about fifteen years of my life that I was suicidal. However I don't go on and on about it because I know it's going to depress other people and god forbid maybe even make them think in that direction. I've mentioned it in passing though. I try to be positive but it doesn't mean that I haven't lived every day of my life in hell. I try to keep a balance in what I write between confessing dark secrets and saying positive things that I hope will lift others up.

 

[Wozesi]

Sometimes I read posts and I wonder if they really have PTSD. The ones where people post about being super high functioning (bragging?) and in the same (virtual) breath complain about life

It just makes me question how these super high functioning people can have PTSD when they are so unaffected. I just walk away. I hate being judged.

The title is that you cant take other sufferers seriously and then followed by the above. I don't think there is any other possible way to take that than that it applies to those on site. Even if the rest relates to life outside which I can see in retrospect you meant a little differently to how I first read it.

So the question is if you believe those on here (whether further along than you or not) are judging you when they share things that have helped them or give you other ways of seeing what you are discussing. If you disbelieve they have PTSD if they show any rational thinking or discuss being able to work in some way. If you see what they say as condescension or bragging when they manage to achieve something and share. If you are inspired by others having progressed and feel happy for them or if you just disbelieve that they ever struggled or had/have PTSD. Whether you are offended when people on here say they have experienced something similar or if you feel comforted and not alone.

I don't reply to them or interact with them in any way. I just move on to another post. They have no idea how I really feel.

So you have this as an undercurrect to the way you interact on the site. That is sad. Mostly sad for you as I see it as very unhelpful for your recovery. And yes, it is unfair to others too. Just because we don't say anything doesn't mean that our projections are not unfair. We are putting our own stuff onto others that don't deserve it. And that is why people have answered here as they - they are offended and have a right to be. If I went around thinking that you were fabricating PTSD then you would have a right to be offended by that.

Most of us have problems with projections of some type. Working against them is important as taking ownership is the only way we get better.

Which brings me to wondering if you able to work towards recovery or if you are rather still stuck in a place where just want to identify with being where you are. I truly am not judging at all when I say that and what I am referring to has nothing to do with how severe someones symptoms are and is more about if they able to work towards change or not.

I truly hope you can use this thread to free yourself a little and gain from other people here. Its sad to think of all the unnecessary pain you carry around and the lost opportunities. It is actually possible for others to genuinely wish us well and hope things improve for us. Especially those of us who share in this awful illness and who to some extent or the other have been where we are.

 

[Ulat]

You know, the kind of "I've overcome it, why can't you?!?" sort of condescension. It just makes me question how these super high functioning people can have PTSD when they are so unaffected.

I have had the opposite. I have PTSD from child sex abuse. My husband has a pal who has PTSD from being a war correspondent in Iraq and Afghanistan. When I have spoken with this pal he denies the PTSD because he has not been through anything like I have. He feels that he is not 'entitled' to get PTSD - 'after all I was not even a soldier'. But his life was threatened and he saw horrific things that he could not report nonetheless.

He has been persuaded to go into therapy, after years of looking for a 'physical diagnosis' and he says it is helping ( a little) although I think he has the wrong therapist - not challenging his denial enough in my opinion.

 

[Ejoru]

Sometimes I read posts and I wonder if they really have PTSD. The ones where people post about being super high functioning (bragging?) and in the same (virtual) breath complain about life.

I am in the high-functioning category. I hold down a good job. I also complain about life!

The thing is, I cope with my CPTSD much of the time, but I have to work harder than my colleagues to do my job. I have taken periods of sick leave that they simply don't understand, on the other hand I get that people without a job would be happy to be in a position to be able to take sick leave.

I don't think I brag. I have learned late in life to be proud of my achievements. That isn't bragging it is about self-esteem and learning to like myself.

 

[Uguka]

I am always grateful when others share how they have managed to make something work as I hope to learn from it. Some of us find one area easier to make progress with and others another. That's one of the things we should be getting from a forum such as this. It shouldn't just be about saying how awful it is without trying to change.

 

[Ajot]

Firstly I don't think you expressed it badly, I think you expressed it and people misunderstood you - which is very easy to do unfortunately.

I feel intimidated by those who are high functioning and disappointed that I'm not. I also feel that this invalidates me - but not because of their actions or words, but because I use there ability as a bar to which I should be able to reach, because I'm not it hits me like a punch in the stomach.

For me I know that this isn't the case. Retrospectively I know that had PTSD from about the age of 10, I had somatic pains to deal with as well all the many psychological issues. From the age of about 3, my nan (who was very involved in my upbringing) used to tell me I was stupid and pathetic because I was lactose intolerant and later on (5) that I needed my tonsils removed - I was always ill, I was told because my father was of a poor background, of bad genetic quality and as such, and as an illegitimate child, I was a disgrace (though my sisters, from the same father was not). When I got bullied (death threats and daily beatings, not just name calling) she seemed to think that was good for me.

After I started suffering visibly, she said I was making it up, my mum was confused - I had so many problems, so much of the time. My doctors treated me with scepticism but over the years I had many blood tests and other check ups - all with no results. I ended up in hospital under observation for extreme stomach pains - I was given an ultrasound which showed irregularities, but when asked if I had had sex I vehemently denied it (and so did my mum, I never went out, I was socially deficient), I didn't tell the hospital staff but I had extreme vaginal bleeding I had a very early miscarriage - from the abuse I was scared to tell of - so again I was mislabelled as a faker and an attention seeker. After that I was misdiagnosed and ignored by the child psychologists/psychiatrists I saw, outcast by the teachers at my school, the few friends I had and the worst straw for me - completely disbelieved by my mum.

I don't function well, I have no social life, no job and can't live on my own (I've done it but not well), I can't seem to do anything others can - I thought that was PTSD and the other disorders I have, but when I hear of others doing well with PTSD, it's apparent it's just me. Sometimes I can pretend to for a few days or a week or so, but then it takes me quite literally several years to recover from it and I can't understand why. The last bout I never recovered from and then my PTSD exploded worse than ever before. When I see or hear of others functioning well, I feel as if I'm being told I'm deficient, I'm not worthy, I'm useless and a waste of space - I know I'm not, I know it's projection, but I still feel that way. Even if it's observed from a long distance or the well-functioning people don't even know of my existence, my seeing or hearing, or how much it affects me.

So I can't understand how people with PTSD can hold down a job, have a relationship or friends, how they can live on their own. And them doing so well does feel like they're bragging (though they aren't) or that they're thinking "I've overcome it, why can't you?!?" but for me I know it's a case of me thinking "They've overcome it, why can't you?!?". I feel that they're judging me when really I'm judging myself. So I do know what you feel in my own way - I don't presume it's the exact same, but I do understand the principle. **Sigh**, that doesn't really help the problem, but at least I understand what you mean and how it feels (on some level).

 

[Nuwe]

Ajot, I think you're incredibly good at expressing yourself. I really get what you say. I think you have a lot of awareness, self-awareness and wisdom.

I kind of want to echo what you've said - I know I'm not helping you with anything (I wish I could) but I understand what you mean.

Being high functioning is one thing, being awesome is another. I think your post here is awesome.

 

[Abe]

Oh thank you, but I'm not all that awesome - I do have a lot of self awareness, but never when I really need it - it's only useful to me in relation to others, for some reason I can't apply it to myself. I seem to beat myself up over everything, but where I can (such as here) I like being able to add my $0.02 especially when the out come is positive. I like the idea of being wise though however unlikely at 24! :)