Can't Take Other Sufferers Seriously?

[Iki]

Kija (op), none of us are perfect here, or expect others to be. Your wording in the op may have been a bit off, and people have expressed that when they read your words, they were offended.

Mistakes are there to learn from, and when you stop offending people you may find that they are willing to discuss, empathise and maybe even help a bit with the issue you're having.

But in this latest post, you've come in all defensive and telling people that you know what they're going to say and shooting people up before they've had chance to give anything back.

It's not uncommon for people with PTSD and/or attachment difficulties to put up that defense before anything bad has happened, and I'm sure that people here will understand.

But that doesn't mean it's ok for you to behave like this.

Back to the issue. I'm not good with people who act like victims when they are facing everyday issues. I don't have much sympathy for them. But I recognise that it's me who is unusual, thy are just doing what everyone else does. And the reason that I'm jealous is because sometimes I'm a child again who wants somebody to pick her up and make everything better - and it never happened, and that pisses me off and it brings back those feelings. But I do recognise them as my feelings, and doing so gives me what I need to work on.

The issue you have here are your feelings, and if you can work back through them to find where they come from, and who they are really aimed at, then you can start helping yourself. And as long as you are taking ownership of your feelings, not spitting them out at other people, then I am happy to talk here and be there for you to talk to.

 

[Aril]

I'm interpreting this as a rant...a vent and it's totally ok with me if the OP doesn't feel sympathy for anyone who has it better than they do. I'm Ofu, and I think I have shown empathy for what you feel here. Sure, you don't have to apologize for being where you are at and having trouble with that...just as I don't have to apologize for being in a better place and expressing that without the intent to brag, just to share. Human are humans and different realities will often not mix, so I understand that.

Yes, people who have it better than others have the luxury of forgetting that they have lots of good things in their lives to be happy about, and can often forget to count their blessings. It doesn't mean that there aren't some things that are still hard in their lives though. Life can be hard no matter where you are at.

If someone is literally whining over spilt milk then I can fully understand why it would annoy someone at rock bottom...in that case, don't read their threads or put them on ignore and save yourself the aggravation.

 

[Aril]

Isn't it possible that you also interpret peoples words as being bragging when in reality they may just be sharing where they are at with the hope that others might be happy for them? Is that also you twisting their words around and making meaning that may not be there? Isn't that also...projection, as you have accused others of here?

 

[Zevan]

OP again.

@Iki

I love how everything is being SO skewed! Seriously, I DARE you to identify me out on the forums and tell me who I am based on this so called negative behavior that I am spewing everywhere! Because really, you can't as I have never shared this sentiment anywhere else!

Don't tell me that my FEELINGS are a mistake as you would be wrong. Feelings are NEVER wrong (psych 101!), rather it is the behavior that is wrong, and I have never treated people badly for declaring they work 80 hours a week or have a spouse and 5 kids! (Again, I ignore them!)

I haven't made ANY mistakes, I don't want empathy, nor do I want help! (I never asked for help...)

You see me as a victim and that's sad. I don't act like a victim. I merely made a post stating my feelings but I'm being told my feelings are wrong.

@Aril gets it.

I don't understand this "requirement" for universal empathy. Apparently my homeless/rich analogy went over the head of @Iki as I'm still being told that as a poor person I must empathize with those who have a lot yet aren't grateful for it.

 

[Tewu]

Don't tell me that my FEELINGS are a mistake as you would be wrong. Feelings are NEVER wrong (psych 101!), rather it is the behavior that is wrong,

Where does the post say that your feelings are wrong? It doesn't. It says that your behavior isn't acceptable.

I have never treated people badly for declaring they work 80 hours a week or have a spouse and 5 kids! (Again, I ignore them!)

But you haven't ignored them, you've written this thread.

And in this post, you are still acting aggressively. If you don't want help, then I'll leave you to it. But you're not going to get over it that way are you.

Some of the people here, (including the person who actually created and works many hours on this site for you to come and express your feelings on), have sought help, have gone through the fear of admitting that they struggle, and have worked and continue working everyday to maintain the best health they can.

iki (that's me), has been homeless, and I spent my time working at getting some place to live... the last thing on my mind was what other people were doing.

If you don't want anyone to discuss this with you, and just want agreement, then there is no point.

 

[Aril]

Aril here. I've also been homeless...so the point is that many of the people you are spouting off about as bragging about their positions now and being highly functional may have once been where you are now OP and have worked damn hard to pull themselves up and out of that circumstance. So far 2 of us have admitted to that being the case. I didn't see where anyone was saying your feelings are wrong...you were being called out on your aggression and behaviour.

 

[Aril]

I'm not saying you have to empathize with anyone in a better off position than you...but try and recognize that it wasn't always wine and roses and that many of us have also been at rock bottom...which is where you need to be before you can work your way back out and back to a more functional way of living. I wish you well with that.

 

[Pisal]

I should be dead too, OP.

Here's the thing: everyone's disease/disorder is different, and can change over time also. I get that it is causing you suffering (in the DBT sense of the word) to think about what those other people have. When I'm low, anyone mentioning a friend or a spouse will set me right over the edge (because I do not and will not ever have those things). So, I get away from the Internet.

Because sometimes it's easier not comparing lives when you don't look at other lives in the first place. Then, you come back when you're ready.

Ultimately though, the only thing that should matter to you is you and your context, not you and your context within someone else's "better" context - if that makes sense.

 

[Gipeso]

I think everyone experiences their ptsd in different ways. There is a list of symptoms and one sufferer may not have the same set as others. With me I have waves of super high functioning and not functioning at all. It can very intimidating to me to see others who suffer manage so well. There is a woman I work with who suffered through more then I have and she manages so fine, yet I am in constant fear of people and more. It is hard sometimes, I feel as though I am not working hard enough. But your experience is your own. If others judge it does not change what is. I would say to move on to other post. I can recall one specific post I got that seemed accusing of lying or showing signs of delusion, either way they did not know the facts so I just let it be. Good luck on your recovery.