Can't Take Other Sufferers Seriously?

[Ehare]

Anything is possible with hard work. What I find though is to take little conscious steps otherwise I fly and then crash and burn.

 

[Ozuda]

I do take little conscious steps (Except for one time) but any activity makes my psychological state act up.

 

[Ehare]

Its OK. You are young. The trick of it is to keep building up your coping skills and emotional tolerance skills and to then keep working on the trauma.

Are you managing to be homeschooled? Have you looked at DBT? http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

 

[Abe]

Now you are recognising the thoughts that are causing your problems, you can begin to changleare them.

I found your post more than blunt, I found it rude, unhepful, insulting and equally if not more presuming of what I am and am not capable of and/or of the state of my recovery.

There are no obstacles gotton over, and work isn't a place of fun and happiness.

I'm happy for you that you didn't have any obstacles to defeat and I never said I thought work was fun or happy. Just that I am currently not able to work - I have long periods of depersonalisation where I am trapped in this alien body for hours at a time, literally unable to move. I dissociate and come to with very bad self-harm to the extent I've been repeatedly taken to A&E and hospitalised. I have intense derealisation, anxiety and panic attacks, avoidant personality disorder and agorophobia, amongst other things. I'm not playing a victim card or being helpless, what I go through on a daily basis is debilitating and I wish I could function enough to hold down a 2 hour/week job if there was such a thing, but I actually can't, therefore I admire the ability of those with PTSD to work and wish that one day in the future I could work towards something similar, that wish is my envy. I fear that anyone will presume I am able to work without understanding me. As regards other social or romantic aspects, these are things I aso hope one day I am capable of experiencing.

they can't help it.

The truth is you're right, is I can't help it assessing for risk - it's not a concious decision, but I hardly imagine anything more than I can see, or read. Just because I love your T-Shirt and would love one the same or similar does not mean I presume your life is peachy. Luckily I've just started therapy and providing my therapist has more constructive advice than to not think bad thoughts if I don't want them then I may make some progress.

 

[Abe]

To the other many understanding replies:

I think someone who has a garden ... eating the vegetables themselves.

I like this idea and this seems marginally more attainable :)

I actually think working on recovery and trauma is the hardest and most impressive work there is. I never judge someone for not working in a 9 - 5 job as a result of PTSD. Or any health issue for that matter. I understand and think jealousy is normal.

Both of these things are a relief to hear from someone other than myself.

I don't have to be "as good as". I just have to be the best that I can be. That doesn't let me off the hook, because I need to work hard and challenge myself to improve, in order to be the best for me. But it means I don't have to feel afraid because someone else is doing "better than me".

This is nice idea that I will work towards.

 

[Ehare]

Just having my own little moment here. I have a few things I struggle with that are less common and I am beginning to suspect that some who don't experience them are judging me. Judging that it is because I am not trying hard enough. That I must be doing something wrong to be struggling. That it would not be happening otherwise. Because they don't deal with them. I could be wrong of course but I may be right. Sometimes what people don't say is more telling than what they do say....

 

[Opij]

I'm happy for you that you didn't have any obstacles to defeat

This completely misreads what I said.

But, I'm sorry if you find my bluntness rude. But you sit in judgement of others claiming that they are boasting? So others will defend that criticism.

You put yourself as the weaker, little person, looking up to me as the stronger person. And you have no understanding or empathy of how that is used in the abuse that I have experienced. It is setting up someone else to blame, someone to take your problems out on and it used as a justification to control and beat others down. I'm not saying you are that abuser, I am trying to give you some awareness of how your words can effect others.

I'm 40 years old, and I've been in a place mentally, where the idea of working was something I couldn't even consider. My life was drugs and serving the man I was with at that time.

After that, I blamed myself for everything he did, and I worked all hours to make up for my shame, so that I could better myself. When I had children with my new partner, made a big thing of telling me he was earning so he was boss. That reinforced that without work I will be abused.

So how dare you try to judge me as boastful, or put me on a pedestal of perfection that poor old you aspire to be like. It is pure ignorance on your part.

I work at my job, I come home and I work in my job as a mother. I don't have friends. I don't have a partner. And I'm able to understand how I am just as dysfunctional doing what I'm doing now, as I was when I couldn't work.

I recognise it as a problem in myself, and I go and work hard at dealing with my problems in the hope of a more balanced future. I don't justify my problems by blaming others for them, because that is not a healthy way of thinking. The reason I'm speaking on this thread, is because you are making judgements about other people, that I need to be able to stand up to.

Sometimes that judging others, is something that reinforces the belief that others are judging you.

 

[Pibe]

I don't believe you are boasting and I don't hold you on a pedestal of perfection nor do I blame others. I simply see one aspect of your life I'd like my life to be similar to. Not all of it, just one bit or a few. The fact that you are able to have that positive with PTSD gives me hope. But thinking positives things about myself is threatening and fearing the judgement of others scares me (that probably makes me two faced). I am not justifying my bad behaviours but I am explaining them. But now I'm not so sure that what I mean by them is that bad - although what you understand them to be is horrible, im quite sure you've misunderstood me, but maybe you are right - in which case my own judgement only myself is I'm a horrible, terrible sick person.

 

[Ehare]

I suspect so much of all of this for so many of us is the fear of being judged and the pain of being misunderstood - not seen.

I suspect there will always be someone who does judge us in the way we fear and probably the way we judge ourselves as a lot of this is also probably about projection.

I think getting to a place where we can accept that and not let it hurt too much is probably useful but incredibly hard to to. Does it really matter if others judge us? Its crazy how hard it is to feel that.

Some people are more narrow and judgemental than others. It's funny as I seem to gravitate towards them maybe in some almost self harming way. Or maybe it is again familiar - being around people who are more likely to judge me. There is something frantic that is awakened somehow. It becomes too important what they think. Yet another indication of how f'd up I am. Someone has just said something helpful to me and yet what I can most see in it makes me feel everyone on the site is judging me.

 

[Monuco]

I simply see one aspect of your life I'd like my life to be similar to. Not all of it, just one bit or a few. The fact that you are able to have that positive with PTSD gives me hope. But thinking positives things about myself is threatening and fearing the judgement of others scares me

If you are the original poster of this thread, then it is the fact that you were not taking other people seriously that is hurtful to others. But we are all here to learn, and if you can realise that it's unpleasant behaviour to tell others that you don't take them seriously (unless they are comedians), then you are doing great for learning that. I don't think anyone here would judge you for learning.

 

[Abe]

I am not the original poster of this thread, many comments ago I gave the original poster some reasons as to why my own behaviours seemed like I was passing judgement when in fact I was struggling with a combination of learned fears and interpretations for safety. The OP seemed to find this helpful and whilst judging others may seem like a problem for them (to which they admitted it was an unpleasant trait for them and merely wanted to know whether others do anything similar), everyone is judging the OP for judging others. So everyone is all in the same boat. No one knows who, what, why or how our individual trauma affects us as an individual and therefore your responses are equally as judgemental of the OP (an example would be that early childhood trauma affects an individuals personality and so drastically it would be akin to redefining gravity) - the only thing is the OP knows that their behaviour is wrong and has said as much and also mentioned they might like constructive advice as to how to change or help fix these issues.

 

[Ehare]

I don't know actually. I think the way the OP worded the issue and continued after was a step over the line in my opinion. There is a difference between saying we have these fears or judgements whilst taking some responsibility for them and acknowledging they may be unfair and just dumping our issues on others which is a bit how the OP came across to me.

People are judging the OP for judging. They are understandably reacting legitimately to being judged. It isn't fair when we dump or project our issues onto others. It does happen and we deserve compassion when it does but we need to take ownership and also show some compassion. Something the OP could have benefited from. In my opinion your comments are different in certain ways and you do show more self awareness.

I am not sure if this happens to you or not but I have had to be wary of relating on some level to someone and then thinking I am exactly the same as them. It has meant I have ended up in trouble as a result when if I had truly looked I would have seen the differences. We can have similar feelings but have essential differences too that do change things.