Relationship Relieved I Can Say Goodbye

[Court]

As many ppl have read my post about hubby being deployed he was diagnosed with mild ptsd prior to leaving. For 3 months he loved me and all was great he complained a lot about hating it there his team mates and the war in general then it was me. Not wanting to be married but claims he won't make a final decision til he returns home. Our marriage has been full of ups and downs.

After 16 years and 3 wonderful kids I am content with his choice. I have told him I'm not going to fight him on the divorce and I agree that he has said too much recently. I feel in my heart I can be a better mom and individual and progress in life. I worry about my children as the love their dad and always talk about how lucky they are we are still together as most children they know come from broken homes.

I know life will be tough at first I have been a stay at home for 13 years and haven't worked. I have registered for college and want to start this new chapter! I'm taking a lot of crap from others saying I should not be making this choice while he is gone and he maybe will see the light upon seeing us. It's frustrating!

I don't want to be alone yet alone seems superb compared to miserable. Sorry I'm kinda venting but is it wrong to be done??? I love him and care about him but I'm done being verbally abused and being blamed for all the wrong in his life. I'm not filing for divorce until he returns home. I have told him I want the divorce also but he is now calling me more and emailing me and skyping I want to be left alone. He started to call me babe 3 days ago. How do I get him to back off in a nice way. I only email him when he is going on a mission to tell him I hope he is safe.

Ugh I know I'm all over the place and I apologize in advance. Thanks for putting up with me!!!

Court

 

[sisu]

I am proud of you for making this decision for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN. Negativity and hopelessness can be contagious if you're on the receving end of the verbal vomit. Your kids need their mom to be happy and healthy for them. They will be fine as long as they feel secure and know that they are loved.

I did not experience the verbal abuse that you did, but I did experience a boyfriend who wasn't doing his part in the relationship. And on top of that he was selfish and self serving. Like you, I am done.

The biggest difference between people who have more and those who have less in relationships is that the ones who have more believe they deserve it. Kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy. YOU DESERVE MORE! I DESERVE MORE!

Hugs to you Court!!

 

[monicaelise]

I'm taking a lot of crap from others saying I should not be making this choice while he is gone and he maybe will see the light upon seeing us.

It's your life, you're the only one that truly knows what you've been through. To hell with "others".

I don't want to be alone yet alone seems superb compared to miserable.

Being alone is superb compared to being miserable. I've been married (10 years), I've had several 2-3 year relationships, and I've done a lot of dating. Being alone is ALWAYS better than being with someone who treats you poorly. That's a fact.

 

[nursenurse]

It is never wrong to admit when you are done, when you are indeed, done. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You need peace and stability. He needs to work on himself. Hopefully you guys can still be civil parents together, but do be prepared for a negative reaction from him, and hold your ground. And never worry about what others say or think, you have to sleep with yourself, remember? Good luck, I think you will be just fine :)

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm taking a lot of crap from others saying I should not be making this choice while he is gone and he maybe will see the light upon seeing us.

You are making the choice that is right for you. It's not like you are abandoning him while he is deployed. He has stated that he wants a divorce, and he is verbally abusing you and blaming you for all his issues. You are just being proactive for your and your children's future. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty.

If he isn't willing to work on himself and your marriage, then you really don't have a choice but to move on and plan for your future without him. You can't stick in a holding pattern that is slowly driving you crazy while waiting on him to make up his mind either.

Stay strong Court!

 

[Court]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I am not filing anything as of right now and hope we can co parent in a positive way. I am still in our home we had built last year as my children are comfortable here and have many friends here. They also are counting down til daddy returns. They are clueless for now as I feel he needs to be there rather make me the bad guy.

I on the other hand dread the homecoming and him either being a complete jerk or decide he made a mistake. He is not welcome in my bed or anything else of the sorts. I will never keep the children from him as my own father took off when I was 1 and 30 years later I still have never meet him.

Things get a bit easier day by day but the fact he want to call and talk and gets mad when I have nothing to say or the emails that I don't reply too. I feel he has crappy communication with our kids when he pays $99 a month for Internet in his room but can email me but not bother with them. Errr

I hope others find the support and kind words as encouraging as I do and I hope you all know how grateful I am for this forum!

Court