Have found using the time, which I can't get back asleep, after 3-4.5 hour of rest, to let my mind wander, as I write whatever come to the surface. Often letting my festering memories of abuse, escape without the additional trauma of the brutal flashbacks, of the past 5 years. Which allows me, to get 3-4 hours of more sleep, afterwards.
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I Have Nightmares Almost Every Night
- Post starter ashdawn8287
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EverOnly358
Platinum Member
Therisa - Journaling in the middle of the night really works? I know that I wake up in the middle of the night and get stuck thinking about my traumas. And they just circle and circle around in my head. I'm going to try this. Thanks! (And I'm so sorry that you're suffering from bad memories! I hope it gets better for you.)
DMerish, you said, "Regular sleep-wake schedule helps also." Any particular advice? I find the more I try force myself into a set schedule, the worse my sleep patterns get. Any alarm clock frightens me and sets the day off on a bad note. Right now, I go to sleep when I'm really tired, but that tends to move my sleep schedule all over the place, because I have so much trouble falling asleep. Anyways, I would love any advice for making a sleep-wake schedule work from people who understand how hard it is to get to sleep. (My husband can fall asleep anywhere anytime in like 2 minutes, so unfair!!! ;D)
DMerish, you said, "Regular sleep-wake schedule helps also." Any particular advice? I find the more I try force myself into a set schedule, the worse my sleep patterns get. Any alarm clock frightens me and sets the day off on a bad note. Right now, I go to sleep when I'm really tired, but that tends to move my sleep schedule all over the place, because I have so much trouble falling asleep. Anyways, I would love any advice for making a sleep-wake schedule work from people who understand how hard it is to get to sleep. (My husband can fall asleep anywhere anytime in like 2 minutes, so unfair!!! ;D)
- Post starter
- #15
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
I wake up early and stuck to a routine. Clean, class, this forum, yoga, groups blah blah. I exhaust myself so I fall asleep at night.
I like drinking hot tea before bed too.
Stay away from caffeine after 3pm.
Journaling is great! It helps getting all that crap out of your head and onto paper infront of you. You will notice and learn a lot about yourself. I try to write negative crap then rge read it then wrote positive stuff. Really shows the power of words.
I like drinking hot tea before bed too.
Stay away from caffeine after 3pm.
Journaling is great! It helps getting all that crap out of your head and onto paper infront of you. You will notice and learn a lot about yourself. I try to write negative crap then rge read it then wrote positive stuff. Really shows the power of words.
wow and WOW!!! I was not expecting that... I did the laughter yoga half an hour before going down and a bit of quiet prayerful meditation just before. I actually got back up after an hour of not shutting off, I could feel the anxiety kicking in because I dread nightmares so much. I distracted myself for a bit, fell asleep, I've just woken up after at least 11hrs sleep straight!!! I can't believe it (cannot find a shocked smiley- might have to whinge to Anthony)
Ohhhhhhh pleeeeeeeeease let this continue!!!! I can't remember the last time I slept that well... Oh, and no nightmares!?! Well, if I did I can't remember them!
Good luck everyone!!! I hope your sleep is just as good, if not better :woot:
Ohhhhhhh pleeeeeeeeease let this continue!!!! I can't remember the last time I slept that well... Oh, and no nightmares!?! Well, if I did I can't remember them!
Good luck everyone!!! I hope your sleep is just as good, if not better :woot:
Ashdawn, I was a little reluctant to say this the other day- just wasn't coping so great...
My heart goes out to you for your bed and sleep itself being a trigger! That's just awful. One of my main 'location triggers' is the bathroom. All this time later I hate closing the door, no matter what I'm doing.
I think I know something that might help you. This is not something I've read or heard about- I'm the only person I know of that does this. Maybe you can think of it as a type of meditation. First, I think you might need to spend time with a four year old (if you don't know any at the moment) to get a real sense of just how vulnerable, easy to please, quick to love etc they are. You need to remember just how precious and vulnerable you were at 4 specifically... And then your adult self needs to talk to your four year old self and give your four year old self exactly what she needs.
Depending on what age me- I need to speak to, I'll say things like "I'm an adult now (do a grounding action) I can protect you. They told you lies, they weren't allowed to do those things to you. They should be locked up in prison forever because of what they did. They will not ever hurt you again. You are safe now when you go to the bathroom (I visualise my adult self holding my child self's hand and walking to the bathroom- I know she feels safe. I stay with her) You won't ever even have to see them again. I am here to keep you safe. They had no right to touch you, or hurt you, or trick you. I won't let them trick you again" i say whatever my child self needs to hear- or needed to hear, but didn't have anyone to say it. All the while I'm saying this, I visualise myself protectively holding my child self, caressing her hair, kissing her forehead... Anything that makes her feel completely loved and safe.
I've been doing it long enough now so that even when I'm in public and my inner child self is triggered, the words come easily to pacify and calm her. Even if the trigger is so intense I have to leave, I know doing this definitely reduces the intensity of what I feel!
I really hope this helps!
My heart goes out to you for your bed and sleep itself being a trigger! That's just awful. One of my main 'location triggers' is the bathroom. All this time later I hate closing the door, no matter what I'm doing.
I think I know something that might help you. This is not something I've read or heard about- I'm the only person I know of that does this. Maybe you can think of it as a type of meditation. First, I think you might need to spend time with a four year old (if you don't know any at the moment) to get a real sense of just how vulnerable, easy to please, quick to love etc they are. You need to remember just how precious and vulnerable you were at 4 specifically... And then your adult self needs to talk to your four year old self and give your four year old self exactly what she needs.
Depending on what age me- I need to speak to, I'll say things like "I'm an adult now (do a grounding action) I can protect you. They told you lies, they weren't allowed to do those things to you. They should be locked up in prison forever because of what they did. They will not ever hurt you again. You are safe now when you go to the bathroom (I visualise my adult self holding my child self's hand and walking to the bathroom- I know she feels safe. I stay with her) You won't ever even have to see them again. I am here to keep you safe. They had no right to touch you, or hurt you, or trick you. I won't let them trick you again" i say whatever my child self needs to hear- or needed to hear, but didn't have anyone to say it. All the while I'm saying this, I visualise myself protectively holding my child self, caressing her hair, kissing her forehead... Anything that makes her feel completely loved and safe.
I've been doing it long enough now so that even when I'm in public and my inner child self is triggered, the words come easily to pacify and calm her. Even if the trigger is so intense I have to leave, I know doing this definitely reduces the intensity of what I feel!
I really hope this helps!
Last edited:
Seasounds
Diamond Member
As clearing the abuse involved different layers, every repetitive nightmare had its own needs, in order to release it. It took skill and patience (sometimes years). But remember, you can do it! If you choose to do what I did, please choose to work with highly trained professionals, because releasing anger is different than re-traumatizing yourself. It can be a fine line. Professionals can help you, avoid self-injury.
When nightmares were repetitive, and were not helped by relaxation, meditation, or general talk therapy, I found working with my voice (Llinklater Technique), my dreams, my anger, or taking Model Mugging ( a unique self-defense class), or having deep tissue work, helpful. Moving the emotions, through and out the body, helped free me from freeze, flight, or fright mode, and move me into a new equilibrium.
Examine your nightmare, understand what your fear is, and what you can't do-in the nightmare. Then, find a way to safely explore that need, and to develop the related skill, in real life. It may take some experimenting and the insight of a therapist.
Many therapists are afraid of their own anger, so be prepared to hunt and get referrals. Also, be prepared to find one who is skillful, and helos you error on the side of safety.
When nightmares were repetitive, and were not helped by relaxation, meditation, or general talk therapy, I found working with my voice (Llinklater Technique), my dreams, my anger, or taking Model Mugging ( a unique self-defense class), or having deep tissue work, helpful. Moving the emotions, through and out the body, helped free me from freeze, flight, or fright mode, and move me into a new equilibrium.
Examine your nightmare, understand what your fear is, and what you can't do-in the nightmare. Then, find a way to safely explore that need, and to develop the related skill, in real life. It may take some experimenting and the insight of a therapist.
Many therapists are afraid of their own anger, so be prepared to hunt and get referrals. Also, be prepared to find one who is skillful, and helos you error on the side of safety.
- Post starter
- #20
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
Flyaway I am so glad you slept!!! I also went all night sleeping with NO nightmares.
I have talked to my 4 year old self and wrote her a note. We are good friends now :).
My nightmares about the sexual abuse are over. The nightmares now circle around my early adulthood. I was in 2 physical abusive relationships. That whole course lasted about 6 years. So I know it deals with domestic violence. That's what im trying to work on now.
Now I have 3 therapists lol, a great psychiatrist, and a lot of different outlets. I do need to come to terms with the physical violence. I feel I am in denial about it or I'm down playing it because domestic violence happens all the time.
I have flashbacks of blood. One ex drug me down the stairs, drug me on concrete by my hair whipping me around by my hair. As soon as I got free I ran away and inside to my apartment where 2 of my guy friends were.
I ran to my bedroom and locked it. My ex came flying back in and kicked my bedroom door in. Mind you, two of my guy friends I grew up with my whole life were there and did not stop him. I was on my bed, he jumped on top of me and screamed at me as loud as he could right in my face. In my attempt to get free I elbowed him in the nose and it started bleeding.
He held me down and shook his head and blood all over me for about 10 minutes while yelling the most degrading and horrible things. While my guy friends sat in the other room and did nothing.
That was the end of the relationship and friendship of those "friends" of mine.
He stalked me, climbed my balcony and broke in. Kicked my front door in. I called the cops but quickly just shut it all out. A lady came to my apartment who was part of a domestic violence organization. I shut her out. I isolated. I never dealt with it.
The other abusive relationship was extremely verbal and emotional. He pushed me a few times. It didn't last as long. The second he punched me in the face I kicked him out. That was the end.
My nightmares involve situations where those exact feelings I had in both those relationships cames up. I have severe nightmares about trust. I have nightmares about attacking both of them. Or I wake up because I see there faces again and it is just too much. The emotional aspect of those situations really screwed me up.
Flyaway my conversations are full once I get to my laptop I'll delete them and send you a message.
I have talked to my 4 year old self and wrote her a note. We are good friends now :).
My nightmares about the sexual abuse are over. The nightmares now circle around my early adulthood. I was in 2 physical abusive relationships. That whole course lasted about 6 years. So I know it deals with domestic violence. That's what im trying to work on now.
Now I have 3 therapists lol, a great psychiatrist, and a lot of different outlets. I do need to come to terms with the physical violence. I feel I am in denial about it or I'm down playing it because domestic violence happens all the time.
I have flashbacks of blood. One ex drug me down the stairs, drug me on concrete by my hair whipping me around by my hair. As soon as I got free I ran away and inside to my apartment where 2 of my guy friends were.
I ran to my bedroom and locked it. My ex came flying back in and kicked my bedroom door in. Mind you, two of my guy friends I grew up with my whole life were there and did not stop him. I was on my bed, he jumped on top of me and screamed at me as loud as he could right in my face. In my attempt to get free I elbowed him in the nose and it started bleeding.
He held me down and shook his head and blood all over me for about 10 minutes while yelling the most degrading and horrible things. While my guy friends sat in the other room and did nothing.
That was the end of the relationship and friendship of those "friends" of mine.
He stalked me, climbed my balcony and broke in. Kicked my front door in. I called the cops but quickly just shut it all out. A lady came to my apartment who was part of a domestic violence organization. I shut her out. I isolated. I never dealt with it.
The other abusive relationship was extremely verbal and emotional. He pushed me a few times. It didn't last as long. The second he punched me in the face I kicked him out. That was the end.
My nightmares involve situations where those exact feelings I had in both those relationships cames up. I have severe nightmares about trust. I have nightmares about attacking both of them. Or I wake up because I see there faces again and it is just too much. The emotional aspect of those situations really screwed me up.
Flyaway my conversations are full once I get to my laptop I'll delete them and send you a message.
- Post starter
- #22
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
Also, I completely changed the type of men I went after, after both those situations.
I have known my fiancée since I was 12. It opened my eyes to just how great my fiancée is. He was there for me. He stuck by my side and cheered me on. Sometimes my nightmares involve him as the attacker so it is a struggle when I wake up with feelings of the past and my fiancée was the attacker in my dreams not the exes. I know it is all related.
I feel guilty for having those dreams because my fiancée is truely a wonderful man and respects women.
I have known my fiancée since I was 12. It opened my eyes to just how great my fiancée is. He was there for me. He stuck by my side and cheered me on. Sometimes my nightmares involve him as the attacker so it is a struggle when I wake up with feelings of the past and my fiancée was the attacker in my dreams not the exes. I know it is all related.
I feel guilty for having those dreams because my fiancée is truely a wonderful man and respects women.
- Post starter
- #23
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
Thanks nomedic it was a long long process and lots of healing that has made me like that. I wasn't always this positive. :)
- Post starter
- #24
ashdawn8287
Platinum Member
Oh and also despite my parents lack of concern and protection and my abusive exes I have a WONDERFUL grandfather who helped me my whole entire life.
A year ago he got Alzheimer's. He is on his "death bed." He is at home though so I am happy he isn't in a nursing home. He has two care takers that rotate shifts. With my ptsd and how much I absolutely adore and love him, it is very hard seeing him like that. My visits are like 5 minutes. I tell him how much I love him and the reason I turned out so well wouldn't have happened without all his efforts. I am crying thinking about it. I just love him so much. He is a great person. He had a wonderful life and helped a lot of people from all over the world.
A year ago he got Alzheimer's. He is on his "death bed." He is at home though so I am happy he isn't in a nursing home. He has two care takers that rotate shifts. With my ptsd and how much I absolutely adore and love him, it is very hard seeing him like that. My visits are like 5 minutes. I tell him how much I love him and the reason I turned out so well wouldn't have happened without all his efforts. I am crying thinking about it. I just love him so much. He is a great person. He had a wonderful life and helped a lot of people from all over the world.
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