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I Have Nightmares Almost Every Night

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I'm SO happy that you had a good sleep! Hopefully everyone else did too...

It just makes me sick that your friends sat back and did nothing when that psychopath x was after you! I've known plenty of people like that... And have had no problem walking away. They're not worth a second glance.

The nightmares seem to be expressing a general fear that someone else could break your trust and hurt you again. Completely normal to feel this way even if your fiancée is completely awesome (really happy for you by the way). I'm still working through violent nightmares too... Most of the time it's the sexual abuse. I'm not sure what we can do to feel more empowered when it comes to violence.

Really proud of you for moving on, and having the courage to keep looking for a decent man. I'm still working my way out of the shutting out phase.

What do you have to protect yourself with? I know it's not an issue anymore, but it's still comforting to know you have something - just in case one of the x psycho's did try something again...
 
Me too. In one of my psychology courses a few years back the professor talked about how having just one person who is there for you can have a really positive effect in your adulthood and how important that is. Makes sense to me.
 
Thanks Flyaway. I hope everyone else slept good too. The psychopaths live in a different town. They have both moved on to their next victim and honestly are scared of me and my grandfather (they don't know about the Alzheimer's because I don't talk to them). My grandfather was a very powerful man in my community.

I have guns and a black German Shepard. I have only been to the gun range a couple times with my fiancée and his father. I don't particularly like guns but having them at home is nice. My dog is very protective of me she will mess anyone up who even gets close to me! Lol. She is very sweet you just can't get to close to me or she'll go off if she doesn't know you.

I am going to try to get a couple more hours of sleep before class. Thank you for the advice everyone and helping me sleep last night :).
 
DMerish, you said, "Regular sleep-wake schedule helps also." Any particular advice? I find the more I try force myself into a set schedule, the worse my sleep patterns get. Any alarm clock frightens me and sets the day off on a bad note. Right now, I go to sleep when I'm really tired, but that tends to move my sleep schedule all over the place, because I have so much trouble falling asleep. Anyways, I would love any advice for making a sleep-wake schedule work from people who understand how hard it is to get to sleep.

Wikipedia gives a good overview of circadian rhythm and provides an illustration. of "normal". That illustration provides a picture of the ebb and flow of my energy and sleep levels. When my PTSD is in "remission" (which, unfortunately is not now, errgh), my sleep/energy levels pretty much match the illustration.

I'm working towards "normal" for myself, i.e. going to bed about 10:00p and waking at 6:00a. I've had put effort into normalizing my sleep several times in my life in the last twenty years. I have to sort of inch my way towards it and don't think it's something that should be forced. Sleep is so very precious, especially to those with PTSD - Get it when you can.

I can only tell you what's worked for me to get to a better sleep schedule and how it goes -

First of all, I have to sleep in a pitch black room, and I won't take prescription sleep aids. They scare me. Although I've taken anti-depressants a few times in my life (and I understand everyone is different, in what works for them) I'm someone who prefers using natural remedies as much as possible. That's just me.

So, I've had nightmares and very disturbed sleep for the last several months, and have not tried to force a normal pattern at all. In the last couple of weeks, however, as my PTSD symptoms overall have begun to recede, I've been able to alleviate having nightmares (except one last week) but I'm not quite back on "schedule". Getting to bed at 10:00pm, getting a full night's restful sleep, and waking at 6:00am is an aim: it's not set in stone.

The Louise Hay recording of P.M. Meditation, for me is a God send. She has a very soothing voice (IMO). It begins with a whole body relaxation, then moves through healing the inner child, forgiveness and acceptance, and ends with loving affirmations. So, I've been currently using that recording when I go to bed when I'm really tired. In the last several days I've begun inching towards my aim. It will take a couple of months before things are normalize.

My next step: beginning tonight, I'll go to bed somewhat before I begin feeling really tired and I'll use the recording. I'll do this for maybe a week or so more as I continue to inch my way towards the 10:00pm mark. Once that seems to be working, I'll start taking Melatonin around 7:00pm . . .

I'll continue to take Melatonin for about four to six weeks and wean myself off use of the recording. Then, as I begin to wean myself off the Melatonin, I'll begin using a natural light simulator plugged into a timer. The lamp goes on silently, and the light gradually increases over several minutes replicating morning light coming into my room. I do not use an alarm clock. I have an alarm set on my phone to wake me up with soothing music. It's used as a back-up. Before using my phone, I used a gentle alarm clock that rang Tibetan bell sounds. I can't stand waking up to blaring electronic or loud noises; those make my adrenaline surge, and that's not good.

I have used over the counter antihistamines, Tylenol DM, Valerian herb, and Melatonin at different times. All but the Valerian herb have helped me, but the Melatonin (and the recordings) have worked best for me overall. The natural light simulator cost a bit, but was well worth it. Once I began using it also, the transition to getting back to regular sleep patterns went more quickly. For me, it was money well spent.

I'm not a healthcare professional, so I can't say what will work for others. What I've described is just works for me, and I hope my sleep is normalized once more before October comes around.

Drew
 
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Drew, thanks! All good advice. I have bipolar disorder as well... so right now, when I'm up, then I'm all good. I'm active during the day, and getting to sleep between 9:00pm and 11:00pm is for the most part easy. Then I wake up between 5:00am and 7:00am. Most nights I wake up, wide awake at about 2:00am. Sometimes I remember my nightmares and sometimes I'm just immediately wide awake, and it's really difficult to get back to sleep. I'm tried the over the counter stuff, too... and the Melatonin takes a while to start working for me, works for about 5 days and then stops being effective. But maybe if I just planned that better, and starting taking it when I felt my sleep schedule was slipping... that's a good idea. And then just go 5 days and stop. Tea sometimes works for me, thanks for the reminder to try that again. I've had horrible experiences with anti-depressants and addiction to prescription drugs my doctors gave me... I really don't like taking medication. With PTSD and BPD, I'm already on a roller coaster, why would I want to make it so much more complicated? For something that only has a small chance of working... and if it works, it will stop working once I get used to it??

The worst for me is when I'm down, and any bit of light or noise or dirt SCREAMS at me. I have to stay in my room with all the windows covered in blackout blinds, TV on mute, lights off, of course. And I think this really messes with my natural sleep cycle. But if I try to have any light at all, I get blinding migraines that won't go away. And then, after a few days of this, my sleep schedule will flip, where I'm only able to sleep during the day and I'm wide awake all night. So, then, when I'm back up again, I have to struggle and fight to get on a regular sleep schedule again or else I can have a worse depressive episode. It's insane, really. I've taken lots of prescription medications for sleep and had terrible side effects. I don't take any anymore. As complicated as my sleep schedule is, I'd rather deal with it then take more drugs.

I like the idea of the natural light alarm clock. That's pretty cool. There have been so many good ideas on this thread. I think one of the best ways to get a good sleep schedule going is to start by being very active during the day. Get exercise, however you can and try to wear yourself out.
 
I fell asleep last night with no problems (I was starting to fall asleep before going to bed), so I didn't want to mess with it by doing anything, including the laughter yoga. So, I did what someone else on this thread said they were going to do, and tried it during the day. It was a little weird and felt a little forced, but I'm going to keep trying it.

Ashdawn, I'm so sorry for what you went through! That's terrible. It's terrible your friends did nothing! I'm glad to hear you're away from all of them now.

I was so happy to hear lots of people slept well last night, I did, too.
 
Yay! Go us! Let's keep it up!

Oh yeah and with yoga it was forced at first with me when I started 2 months ago. Now it is an absolute in my life!
 
Remember practice is important. Practice takes about 30 days to develop a habit. If we keep it up it will become an automatic habit over time! :)
 
And then your adult self needs to talk to your four year old self and give your four year old self exactly what she needs.

That's such an interesting idea. I think it's really sort of brilliant. Because I know more than the actual physical abuse, the fact that nobody cared what I was going through was the worst. I would go to school covered in bruises with a black eye and nobody was sympathetic and nobody cared enough to intervene. Well, maybe I could be sympathetic to my younger self?

I'm having a terrible night. I went through 12 really good days were I was sleeping from around 9:30pm to 5:30am, and waking around 2:00am most nights but able to get back to sleep, the best it ever gets for me. But I crashed during the day today, I was crying and I feel asleep miserable around 8:00pm and then woke in a panic around 10:15pm and couldn't get back to sleep. Now it's 3:12am, and I'm wide awake and hurting.

I'm going to try lots of the things we've talked about on this thread... I spent some time writing a long e-mail to a friend about what was rattling around in my head, I'm taking an Aleve, because every single part of me is tense and hurts, and even if a little of the pain goes away it usually helps me get to sleep. I'm going to try that laughter yoga again even though I feel slightly ridiculous when doing it, and then maybe watch a little TV to distract myself from my thoughts and then listen to a meditation for sleeping. I started looking for A.M. P.M. Meditation with Louisa Hay, but I didn't find it... found lots of other stuff by her on YouTube, but I think I'll stick with Jody Whiteley for tonight, just because it's easier and it's worked a couple times.

I hope everyone else is having a much better night than me and sleeping soundly. Good night.
 
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