I Have Nightmares Almost Every Night

[Flyaway]

Im sorry you're having a rough one! I really hope talking to your inner child helps :) I know what you mean about feeling ridiculous- I think that's what makes me laugh so hard! Hope you get a bit more sleep and feel better!

 

[Powder]

Ashdawn, I understand about the nightmares, I think. I have a inner, wounded child who says not to trust any man because of the abuse. I have to talk back to that inner voice and tell her that she's wrong about this man. I go through some doubts and fears. I have to listen to and acknowledge the doubt/fear is based on real threats that I have truly experienced, but that I have even more evidence that this man is a good one and worthy of my trust.

Unfortunately, this self-reassurance is a life-long practice. I can easily overlay his face with that of my abuser when triggered. I can project the fears onto his behavior. It takes a lot of work to see the reason for this and to work through it.

Sounds like you are doing just that! :) It's worth it. I'm so glad you have him to work through it with.

These nightmares are also an opportunity to work on this juxtaposition of the abuser with the non-abuser. I'm glad your mind is so clear and straightforward about it. This will help you.

XOXO Muse

 

[ashdawn8287]

Hey how is everyone's sleep?

I have done a better job hanging onto a sleep routine.

I feel asleep really late and had a terrifying nightmare to where I gasped. In the dream I had a lot of bad feelings with my fiancee. We were in (this is WEIRD) a like porn hotel/pharmacy?! Yeah I don't know. He lied to me, got wasted, had sex with other girls, ignored me, all the while I fought against all those things. In the dream he ended up dying from taking pills and partying. He was on a a hospital bed and when he tool his last breath I woke up gasping for air.

Super disturbing. I probably will not go back to bed. 2 hours of sleep. Blah.

Thank you muse :)

 

[nomedic1]

Sorry to hear you had such a weird dream. That's just makes things worse.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Yes, it does. I am so interested in dreams and how in my case they predict bad things that really happen, are about deceased loved ones, or are like those.

It is a lot of imagery and symbols on my dreams. I have thought about painting them to express it but I am not sure.

 

[Powder]

Ashdawn,

I take a blood pressure med (Clonidine) for nightmares as well. I also was traumatized in my bed, so same thing. Thank you for offering me that insight, that the nightmares are a kind of traumatic anniversary for the trauma in bed, at night. I am beholden to you for that. Such insights really help me to see that PTSD symptoms are not as random or chaotic as I thought. It's all linked to the trauma in a weird kind of logic, that we call psychology, I guess.

Also, this rekindles my curiosity in the workings of the mind. I guess that can be forgotten. :)

Freud said that everyone in the dream is a part of us, that they are not "themselves" at all, but are projections of our own imaginings.

In that sense, I try to interpret my dreams that way, to see what each "character" reveals about my state of mind, emotions, past, worries, wishes, etc. Thank you for sharing your dreams. That is a language I also try to understand. :)

XOXO Muse

 

[ashdawn8287]

I am glad that helped you muse. I think it is important at least for me and you because it happened in our sleep, to sort out of those feelings from our dreams.

I have connected and found out many things about my past that relates to my present nightmares. It has helped me gain back a sense of control. I like dissecting my dreams. It has been easier over the years and with practice. Before I would sit and sit and think and think about why the heck I was having nightmares. As soon as I started digging and connecting things, it's easier for me to wake up and be like hey that is from the past, it's okay snap back to reality!

It is a weird feeling when someone screws with you at your most vulnerable state, when you are a 4 year old, when you are sleeping, when you are in a room full of beds with 12 or more people all family members, when it is dark, and when you don't know what sex or any of those things are. It is pretty sickening when you think about how devious that is. It is sad how much it screws with my sleep 22 years later, but it is also nice when those dots start connecting, you get older and you know those things that you didn't know then and when you realize you are an adult and can as hard as it is, control it, protect yourself protect everyone around you, and raise awareness. I wouldn't change that part of it at all.

The past 5 days have been extremely hard, this time of the year is always hard for me, but with all the work I have done and how much clearer it is at this age as to what happened to me that night it is excruciatingly painful. My emotions (pair that up with my period, a dishonest mother in law who breaks your trust on the anniversary date, and fighting with your fiancée does not make it easier) are all over the place. I have cried and just let a lot of that pain out, that didn't make sense before (because of denial, not wanting to dig deep, not wanting to handle it or come to terms with it-not accepting that some really screwed up stuff happened to me), so I am glad that has finally happened. I connect these feelings to the past and can just cry and cry and get all that out of me after 22 years. As painful as it is, it is also beautifully refreshing.

I am sorry that it happened to you in your sleep and believe me when I tell you I understand completely. You are not alone and we will get through this.

<3