Is This Anxiety?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Ok, so a few days ago I started feeling wired, like crazy wired. To be fair I'd eaten a huge quantity of chocolate digestives (I'm not proud of that fact), the next day I felt more wired and edgy and today even more so and I can no longer say that there is any level hyperactivity caused by the biscuits! Its like my senses and reflexes are super-fast. I don't feel nervous or really badly negative, in fact I don't feel down in any way - I haven't cut for 6 days. But I'm rocking at 160bpm and I feel like I could catch anything thrown at me, I feel that I just wish someone would attack me because I would fight back and hard. My skin's more itchy though, like it's crawling and I can't get any sleep.

This is like hyperactivity crossed with hypervigilance and I feel like a badass superhero and that's the first time in my life I've ever used the word badass. I want to go crazy and let go but I think that's probably not a good thing and I have the outlet to do so anyway. But this is burning inside me, if I wasn't still to scared to leave the house (that idea actually calms me slightly), I'd be concerned that the safest thing I could do was voluntary cage fighting. I've never been violent or edgy in my life. I feel scary strong but not in a good way, I mean it feels good, but not good too, if you know what I mean? Who am I kidding, probably not. But is this anxiety? How do I slow down, should I take sedatives, that's the only way I can slow down enough to sleep. I feel fast, but I'm not. How do I stop rocking? This doesn't feel safe.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I don't drink, never have, nor do I smoke or take drugs. I have taken less sedatives - only at night instead of three times a day, but I've only been on them for a month to a month and a half, 2-3 times a day. I'm literally head banging/rocking right now I can't stop, everything feels so fast.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

I would talk to your therapist or psychiatrist, if you have one. You may be experiencing mania. I'm not a doctor so don't take my word on it.

 

[Abstract]

It sounds a little like you are a tad hypermanic Kas. Anxiety is a high energy negative state but you can be in an high energy euphoric, simetimes scary, state. It's normal to feel a bit super human when there.

You haven't started SSRI's recently have you?

When I am highly agitated skin crawling is a given for me. It gets so intense that I am sure I can feel things crawling all over me. I hate it. Soothing things don't work for me. Going for a run, listening to load music, taking a hot shower etc work better.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

Me too. I have to anti anxiety or even benedryl to get the creepy crawlies under control. Anything to sedate my nerves.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

No my skin usually crawls, I feel uncomfortable in it, I usually get when I panic it feels like I need to crawl out of my skin and run or at least take it off to breathe properly. More recently (since June), its been made worse by a lot of self-harm damage and keloid scarring that's only a few months old, plus newer self-harm over the top of that. A combination of sweat and the arm hair makes it tickle and like something's crawling on it, but before it used to feel like people were touching me when there wasn't anyone there, or nothing to have caused such a feeling. I've taken 25mg of Promethazine and will take another 25mg in an hour or so if it hasn't begun to slow down.

I feel like I need to fight to be safe and if I can fight everyone off then it'll be ok to be calm, but that I need to fight to prove that I can, but I don't know how nor do I have an opponent. I feel like I don't really deserve to calm down until I've earned by fighting for survival but I'm not in any threat what so ever.

Ok so I took a sedative and it's slowing down, but instead of actually slowing down, it's like I just trip over the rythmicness of the rocking, but I feel like I need to go faster if it slows down, it's really push and pull both ways. I can stop the rocking - I did so to take my pulse but it feels like I'm going to explode with energy, so right now I'm back to rocking. My pulse was at just over 100bpm, it's now dead on 90bpm and usually its at between 45 and 55, but I haven't checked it in the last month or so. My breathing pretty normal which is a little fast for me, but it's at the exhaled end of shallow, slow but not deep, my energy is focussed more in rocking than breathing. Though my neck is beginning to cramp up. It's nearly midnight and I have a therapy appointment in less than 10 hours, I'd really appreciate some sleep tonight, I just wish I knew how to calm down, this isn't me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@Kas_Can_Fly I'll be honest and tell you that sounds a lot like me when I am hypomanic. I feel that burning, fiery feeling too where I just feel like I am loosing my brain, like my skull will just drop away with no limits to anything. Colors, noises everything is different. I rock back in forth too becasue I don't know where to put all the energy, there is no outlet. But at the same time, just like you, I have a hard time leaving the house becasue of anxiety. Odd mix.

But...We are not doctors and what you are experiencing is serious. Is there a doctor you can call? Have you started any new medication? If you have, you may want to tell them that. Medication can also be causing it.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Ok, I've just very suddenly stopped rocking. Suddenly everything is a bit slower, not normal but a lot slower, though there is some residual whizzing around - that was like hitting a brick wall. No new meds. I'll try and mention it to therapist. Could this be caused by watching an action film and suddenly feeling like I needed to be able to defend myself, that I have to know how to fight back? I know I stopped watching films years ago, but I didn't remember this being the reason. I have never emulated TV or Film characters, no matter how impressed I am by them, so I doubt that has too much to do with it.


The rocking now starts up on and off for less than a few seconds at a time and much less. Sorry if I worried anyone, I'm hoping it continues to calm at this rapid pace. Could it be because I've not been as sedated in the last few days or so? If so I didn't realise they were doing so much, unless by not being sedated I have more energy than usual to compensate for the sedation?! I'm very confused by all of this. Though I'm incredibly lethargic due to not getting out and my living arrangements so maybe I've just got a lot of built up energy - but even I know that's not true. Now I'm not like that, I'm going to try and calm down, but I don't feel not calm, even with all that energy, I felt, oh I don't know, I'm waffling now.

Thanks one and all.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Oh and no SSRI's for me, the two of us don't get along. I'm on Buspirone 10mg x3/day (I doubt it's doing much, but I'm too scared that I'm not giving it the credit it deserves and removing it would be disastrous) and Promethazine prn 25mg 3x/day.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

I agree with Ayesha and Abstract. This sounds like your meds need adjusted--maybe a little less. Your body may be processing it differently for some reason and just needs tweaked down. I'm glad the sedatives are helping you to slow down. I'd call my doctor or therapist about it. They would want to know this is happening. One of my best friends is a doctor and he tells me they live for helping in this way. Its why they became doctors--to help.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

maybe a little less.

Maybe I misunderstood what people are saying and I'm more than willing to ask but why less meds? The only change is I've been less sedated in the last 3-6 days. If this is related - very possibly, it wasn't a problem while I was taking the meds, only while I was taking less. I could probably drop the Buspirone, it does so little there's not much point. I've been on the sedatives since being discharged from the hospital, because in the UK, Benzodiazepines are not prescribed (although I'm getting a prn for lorazepam as well). They say my anxiety is horrific, I'd usually not agree, but whenever I see someone else with "severe" or "acute" anxiety, I think that that's like me on a good day. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I'll talk to her, but she's very new and I don't know how well she knows my meds.

 

[LisawithPTSD]

Sorry I'm thinking of how I react to my meds. I should have said 'less or more'. I'm on antidepressants as well as anti anxiety and when they're off I'm batsh!t crazy.