How To Be Honest About Trauma Details?

[radicalgratitude]

The therapists at Intensive Trauma Therapy (ITT) helped me a great deal. They treat people on a weekly outpatient basis. Yay! Another person who went to Morgantown! There are four of us here on the forum ( on and off)

I am also very happy that you were able to go to Morgantown! What a great place! They are safe people.

 

[radicalgratitude]

@dylasd, I learned that the body is designed to reproduce in order to continue the human race. Therefore, our bodies have been created to be aroused. If they didn't get aroused, we wouldn't have any desire to have sex. If we didn't have any desire to have sex, all those who are genetically predisposed to procrastinate would have died off by now. :)

We are aroused through the five senses (sight, touch, smell, taste, and sound). This is part of our biological make up and we can't help how we are made. We are not dirty, because we are as we are. We also cannot help when or how we are aroused, or what we are aroused by. That's also part of our biology.

One of the things that makes sexual abuse so awful is that during it, we simultaneously experience arousal and fear, disgust, etc. The fact that we are aroused does NOT mean we are attracted to our abusers or that we "liked it." It just means that our body was aroused.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I remember the worst bit of childhood abuse, as soiling myself. It's something I've talked about with my therapist. When I've tried to talk about it, I go into being the child, and don't relate to the experience as being sexual. And that horrible sinking feeling that something terrible has happened, is something that the child relates to soiling myself.

Although when I look from outside (as the adult I am now) I can see that this was sexual abuse. Emotionally, I remember it as soiling myself, and the shame and fear I relate to that.

My therapist treats it as quite normal. It hasn't happened physically in a flashback, but I do feel that a therapist who is experienced in childhood sexual trauma, would understand.

 

[dylasd]

@dylasd, I learned that the body is designed to reproduce in order to continue the human race. Therefore, our bodies have been created to be aroused. If they didn't get aroused, we wouldn't have any desire to have sex. If we didn't have any desire to have sex, all those who are genetically predisposed to procrastinate would have died off by now. :)

Thanks for the reply, it's helpful. I've also heard that vaginal lubrication response in particular happens as a protective mechanism (decreases chance of injury during penetration) so makes evolutionary sense to happen even in non-consensual situations. That's one of the things I always remind myself when it feels like my body betrayed me in that respect, actually my body could have saved me from worse physical damage than I actually experienced.

I remember the worst bit of childhood abuse, as soiling myself. It's something I've talked about with my therapist. When I've tried to talk about it, I go into being the child, and don't relate to the experience as being sexual. And that horrible sinking feeling that something terrible has happened, is something that the child relates to soiling myself.
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My therapist treats it as quite normal. It hasn't happened physically in a flashback, but I do feel that a therapist who is experienced in childhood sexual trauma, would understand.

Yeah. During flashbacks I don't see any of it as sexual. I am really scared by the muscle contractions and stuff and don't understand what my body is doing. and I'm scared of what happens if I urinate. It's afterwards that vaginal lubrication etc. is totally disgusting to me, cos I really don't want that kind of non-consensual situation to be a 'turn on'.

My therapist isn't specifically a specialist in childhood trauma (I initially started seeing her for long-term self injury and later told her about abuse - I hadn't told anyone before). But I know she has treated PTSD before and seems pretty knowledgeable on stuff. it would be a massive relief to me if it wasn't the first time she had heard someone say stuff like this. I feel a lot like it's just me. I was made to feel so ashamed about it at the time and I can't get away from the feelings.

 

[StarChild]

cant go to counseling any more they said im a worthless case

Eh? :wideeyed: Wtf's this? :wtf: It seems, as your counsellor is a worthless / hopeless case IMHO! :mad:

I would suggest to look for a very experienced and specialized trauma therapist. Don't stop trying to get professional help, and don't allow others to define your future! Fight for yourself! You're worth it. :)

 

[Hashi]

dylasd, it's part of the abuse to make us think we're shameful and to blame. That was part of what was done to us as much as any physical violation. I understand how hard it is to talk about things like that, but it's also - ultimately - healing.

I've had to do degrading things during abuse/assault. Before telling my therapist about them, I always spend one or two sessions beforehand talking generally about feeling shame. My therapist reassures me that she won't judge me, it was what was done to me and not my fault.

We also try to find things that will help me when I talk about it. That might be me deciding to read it aloud from my journal, or taking something into the therapy session to hold, my therapist knowing she needs to give me lots of reassurance after I've told her, allowing plenty of time at the end of the session for grounding etc.

it would be a massive relief to me if it wasn't the first time she had heard someone say stuff like this.

I think this is a big concern about seeing someone who isn't a trauma specialist. It isn't only that she's heard stuff like this before, but that she has ways of working that are second nature to her, which will keep things safe and stable for both of you.

A therapist making one slip - reacting too emotionally, asking an insensitive question, making wrong assumptions about how you feel, wording something badly - can be very upsetting. It can unintentionally reinforce negative feelings you have about yourself and can take a lot to undo.

All therapists slip up at some time, they're only human. Resolving those issues is part of therapy. It ends up making the relationship stronger. . But a general therapist, even one who has some training and experience in trauma, is likely to slip up much more often than a trauma specialist. However well intentioned they are, there's a risk that they might slip up so much that it's unhelpful, even damaging.

I think it would be good to ask your therapist in detail about her knowledge and experience of trauma. I would ask what approaches she has to dissociation, keeping things safe, and working on feelings of shame. Something I asked my therapist at the beginning was how prepared she was to hear about my trauma.

Ideally, I'd recommend finding a trauma specialist. I think it's worth changing. But if you're convinced that your current therapist is right for you to work on trauma with, I'd suggest at least making sure that she has good strategies in place and is going to be using them. I also think that needs to be an initial discussion, and not to wait to talk about it if/when something goes badly.

 

[spacey Stacey]

I actually did lose bladder control during a session. It became urgent while talking about my abuser who became sexually excited by making me hold it and struggle until i wet myself. It caused such trauma that I never wanted anyone to know when i needed to go and wouldnt ask which caused more accidents.My therapist recognized the urgency and quicly walked with me to a bathroom (I avoid going public...bathrooms give me panic attacks) but I was too late. I thought she would think I was disgusting and send me home but she took me back office and had me sit in front of the heater to dry my bottoms and debriefed with me, was not mad at me at all. I couldn't even be angry at myself because she was so kind. She brought up using a depend . But now I can use the code word "uncomfortable" and she quickly walks me to this isolated bathroom where she has a key so i dont have to ask for one and nobody notices. so the worst happened and my counselor helped me, never made me feel embarrassed and we're addressing these issues that have been so crippling.