Isolation - struggling to meet new friends

[just tina]

Moving out on your own, might put you in the paths of people you might enjoy spending some time together. Do you have any hobbies that would lend themselves to a club or meeting place? Like drinking coffee? Ran out of thoughts.

You could probably make a list of your interests. A reading club? Something light. Volunteer work? Even if you go to the same cafe every week at the same time, on the same day, you're likely to start recognizing people.

I want to start a new social life myself. Just light stuff. Let things unfold. No pressure.

 

[sally]

hi it's hard to make new freind even with out haveing ptsd. i find my animals are very good freind but through them i've met other animal people who were willing to reach out to me. and trying to help some one else is a nice way to make freinds try the senior center or reading to the vets in the vet home or just listening to a shut-in in a nurseing home. then lives not so scarey when you met some-one worse off that you
sally

 

[baileysemt]

Volunteering at a senior center or nursing home is an awesome suggestion.

You will have to swallow your hesitation/fear at actually walking in the door, introducing yourself to the staff, and filling out volunteer paperwork. I promise you, that is the hard part :) and it is hard for everybody, because no matter who you are, you are nervous about starting something new, and "what will they think of me?" -- of course, those are natural feelings. Just pony up all your courage, take a deep breath and DO IT. :)

The seniors are soooooo worth it. Seniors are just fabulous. They have seen and done so much, they have so many wonderful stories to tell. They are the best people to hold hands with. :) They are sensitive, and they love to hear about our stories, and offer advice... think about it, they are stuck in this home/center 24/7 now, and many of them are never visited by family. By sharing your life with them, you add color and variety to their lives, and you give them the chance to help and feel important. It is very much a two-way street. You are empowering them and making them feel good by giving them the chance to listen and support you. They want to feel that way too.

As you read, assist with activities, assist with dinner, whatever!!, you will get to know these sweet ladies and gentlemen, and you will develop friendships.

Of course there are a few grouchy ones *giggle* but one of my favorite seniors was the head grouch. She had the prettiest cat. Once she figured out that I was not going to be put off by her cussing, and that I understood how special her kitty was (both on his own, and how much he meant to her) then she and I got along just fine. She still cussed a blue streak and was brash as could be :) but it wasn't directed at me personally, LOL. And even if it was, I gently called her on it, and she'd be like 'oh, never mind me' with a little grin curling her mouth. She was one FUNNY lady.

The hard part is, they are seniors ... they die. They are with us one day, and then you go the next day and they are gone. It is a sad thing. My brash lady, I lost her this past summer. She was so vibrant and full of life, I had a hard time understanding why she died? She wasn't even sick. Well, she blew a brain aneurism, and was gone within like 36 hours. I didn't find out until several days later. So this is the down-side to befriending seniors... sometimes they are with us for a long time, but you must learn to accept as they did long ago, that their time is probably going to be up soon, and when that time comes, it is their time. They've gone home, to be with their family and their Savior forever. That is the grand design, the big plan.

I don't want to throw a sad light on this, but if you have issues with death (or even if you don't) there is going to be some heartbreak here. Sadness is a normal human emotion and a normal experience.

I will say this though... my richest and most colorful, joyful experiences have been with seniors. When I think back to the moments where I felt the most enriched, loved, appreciated, educated ... they are all moments I was talking to a senior. Their smiles and sweet, gentle eyes will melt your heart. They are the most sincere people you will ever meet. They are gentle and safe.

Dang, now I want to go run over to the senior center and sign up. LOL !!! :)

:) Bailey

 

[morgan]

Unfortunately, I'm struggling with fear of people and public places right now. Just going to the grocery store is a big deal for me. I'm constantly fighting this fear to go anywhere, so I'm trying to connect here on this forum with people who understand. That too has been a struggle. I can relate to so many people here and feel for them and what they're going through, but I never know what to say... and what I do say, I regret later as if I said the wrong thing. I only have one good suggestion for anyone and I used it all up. I learned a lot of tools to help myself with, but I don't know how to share them all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel totally inadequate to communicate. It's a really lonely feeling. Ya know? Thanks for the suggestions though... I'd try 'em if I wasn't frozen in fear.:dontknow:

 

[sally]

hi I'm sally
I very afraid to make new freinds right now and thats not me I was a very happy-go-lucky person. but I reached out to old freinds and one I haven't seen for years steped up. her husband had been robbed and beated years ago. SO sometimes freinds have a very special knowlege that can surprize you.just reach out you made the first step here
wishing you the best
sally

 

[Grama-Herc]

Morgan

As someone with trust issues and agoraphobia I completely understand you and how you feel. My therapist says that I am actually afraid of people. I did find, however, a way to get myself out of the house, expose myself to others and finally made a couple of casual friends. I volunteered at a local animal rescue group and became a shelter home for orphan kittens. They also need folks to pet and walk dogs, clean cages, whatever. When the kittens needed supplies I had to go to the shelter and deal with people.

I have finally discovered that the main reason I fear leaving the house. I don't know what might happen to me. If, and I emphasize the IF, I go out to meet someone or make plans--LOL--like I'm actually gonna go, I have to drive. I can not go with someone else. I can not handle not being able to leave if I want to.

But in my opinion the most difficult part of making new friends is knowing that sooner or later I-you- will have to explain to them that sometimes there is a problem. I can not bear people saying the usual" Oh come on, it will be fun". I don't handle and won't put up with people pushing me to participate.

So I do know what it is like. Right now I have -O- people in my life. They just got to close and I could not explain my troubles in the right words to make them understand.

It is hard. Slow and steady is a good way to start. Besides who says we have to have friends and people around all the time.

Don't know if the pet rescue idea will help, but it worked for me. Good luck and know I am thinking about you and hoping for the result you are looking for.

 

[morgan]

Thanx Grama herc. You hit the nail right on the head. That is exactly how I feel!
I've actually called the animal shelter (months ago) and they never called me back so I just gave up. Guess I could try again though. It seems to me that it would be the most rewarding and least stressful form of volunteer work. If I could just get past this damned fear! These posts do help though. It sort of makes me want to get past it. Unfortunately it also seems to bring my fears right up to the surface. At any rate, I appreciate the support from all of you and I don't feel so alone anymore.
Thanx again, Morgan

 

[Grama-Herc]

Morgan

As hard as that 1st step is---go for it. For some reason, helping the animals helps relieve a lot of the stress. I was amazed at what a reaction my system had to the animals and their need for my help. I guess focusing on them keeps the mind from freaking out. But what ever it is, it works!

I can't help shelter any more and I miss it, a lot. I was mommy to the newborn orphan kittens---bottle babies---did not get much sleep but it sure was rewarding and very theraputic. I wish you the best

 

[morgan]

I saw this thread suggested by Anthony in another thread, read through it and thought I'd give an update.

It's funny, I didn't think I was ever gonna make any friends at that time. I never did volunteer at the animal shelter but, I did start group therapy. I've exchanged phone numbers and am actually calling one member of the group and I plan on getting a couple of other numbers and using them this week.

I am slowly expanding my list of acquaintances one person at a time. The best part though is that they all have PTSD so they already understand me and what I GO THROUGH. (Oops I hit the caps button tee hee). I think I'll leave it that way. lol

Anyway, just wanted to let people know that progress is being made! Isn't that great?

Take care, Morgan

PS I forgot to mention that I have also made a couple of friends an this forum also. It really helps me feel comfortable here. :Hug_emoticon: To all.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Great job Morgan....Baby steps at first and then soon it will be in leaps and bounds.....

 

[Leda]

After beeing quite ill for the last three years, I´ve recently started working two days a week at our local charity shop. it was stressfull at first, but now it feels ok to get out of my house more often. Since I´m originally a teacher in litterature, I am responsble for the book department - an if I am having a bad day, I can choose to stay in the back room, putting prize tags on books.

 

[pandora]

That is awesome news Morgan. After my back treatments and then the withdrawal from the meds and then another move, I too plan to get out more and start dealing more with people. I have a few more than before even now...I need to learn to deal with the intense anviety I feel when I think about it and just do it. i am so happy to hear about your progress. Take Care.