Broken Hearted

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

I am absolutely broken hearted right now. I put all of my trust into one person, one. I thought I was safe with somebody in another country far, far away, but I was wrong. I told her everything. All of my thoughts, everything. Well, in the chat we use, they have to have moderators and we didn't know that. I found out and told her and she flipped out. I kept explaining to her that it was okay and it was necessary, but she still kept flipping out. Then she said to me, "You know you're in an idiot, right?" Which was just the worst thing possible to say to me. I have an incredibly low self esteem and just the day before was telling her how stupid I was and etc.

Well, I go on to talk to the chat moderator, who knew about the problems and we talked for a bit (still talking, actually) and I decided not to hide in the chat as anonymous and changed my name. Well, eventually she pointed out how I was ignoring her and it spiraled from there. Then she had the nerve to say "See, I'm being quiet" to one of the people there.

A little bit after that, she send me a message through the forum of the site blaming me for her cutting and saying absolutely everything she could to absolutely break my heart.

I can't stop shaking, my head is throbbing, I'm hungry but don't feel like eating. As if starving is a good thing right now. My mother was the only person I trusted more. I feel so stupid, I can't believe I trusted her.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I am so sorry someone has betrayed your trust in them. I have issues being able to trust anyone, I know how hard that is. I understand how much it hurts when someone else does not respect the value of your trust.

I hope it gets better for you. My heart hurts for you. Why do we always blame ourselves when someone else devalues us? You deserved better.

 

[Jen93]

The person you're talking about sounds like a meanie. I was particularly disturbed by this:

she send me a message through the forum of the site blaming me for her cutting

She sounds manipulative. Not taking responsibilities for her own actions. She is the one who hurt herself. She decided to hurt herself, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Even if she says it does, it doesn't. That guilt trip is awful and nobody deserves that kind of stuff. Ever. I would stay as far, far away from her as possible, and talk to the moderator about those messages you received, that's what they're there for.

And don't sweat it, every time you lose a friend, you learn who your real friends are.

 

[NovemberStar]

This doesn't sound like anything to do with being your 'fault' - that she got SO upset over you doing nothing, merely pointing out their are moderators on the site says a lot about her, and HER state of mind, not yours.

You don't deserve to be spoken to or treated like this. I really hope you can come to see this as HER issues, not yours. That she cut herself and had a bad day IS NOT YOUR FAULT. We are ALL responsible for our own actions, not another person's.

That she then tried to blame you for HER cutting herself - shows she is being very manipulative.

I really hope you can come to value yourself enough to not put up with bullshit like this - and please do take on board - IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If she CHOOSES to cut herself, you are not to blame. You can use this as an opportunity to practice assertiveness - tell her you did not appreciate being treated like this, you do not deserve to be blamed for her actions, and quite frankly, you will not put up with it.

I also agree - DO contact the moderator and alert them to her cutting herself and using the site to tell you about it. It sounds like she might need a warning - and that would help her realize her behaviour is inappropriate. We all hurt, but even in the depths of our pain, it is NEVER ok and NEVER justified, to blame other people for our actions and do a 'guilt trip' like this. she is just trying to control you in doing this. Make you be too afraid to say anything that 'might' result in her harming herself again. This sort of behaviour usually only escalates. Next she will be threatening to kill herself unless you do or don't do x, y, z!

If she packs a sad and runs off and is no longer your friend, then I would say its not huge loss in the long run. Do you really want someone this manipulative and punishing in your life? She is not someone who will go in any way towards improving your already low self esteem, or your quality of life.

You definitely do deserve much better in a friend.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

Thank you all for your replies. I can understand her being a bit upset, part of what the moderators know is your IP address. The moderators are basically undercover, so nobody knows he is one except for me and her. He looked at my IP address, which was mostly what angered her, but I kept telling her that that was my problem and not hers. He had apalogized for his actions and I forgave him. No problem. Also, my IP address somehow gave a fake address, so no harm was done and now I know that my email wasn't actually being hacked (I had a warning that a weird IP address was logging into my email and now I know that it was actually me). But still..her anger should've been directed at the moderator, not me.

With telling him about it, his job is more different than that. Also, how can I expect her to keep my secrets with my PTSD problems if I don't keep hers? Besides, he's doing enough. He told me a couple of times now that if she starts spreading rumors about me he was gonna "draw the line".

The reason that they have moderators is because people were coming on pretending to be other people and saying horrible things, so they need moderators to come in and kick them off. But she just won't accept that. I'm not going to speak to her again. A true friend wouldn't use my weaknesses against me like this. I'm also going to stay away from the chat for a while to think and get my bearings.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it's important to keep in mind a few things. One, you can't ever truly know (or trust) someone you only know online and haven't met in person. Two, there is no such thing as true privacy on the Internet, ever.

Stay away from that person. She CHOSE to harm herself. It was solely her choice as to do that to herself!

 

[BloomInWinter]

Plus, if that person is a manipulator, maybe she or he didn't actually self-harm but was just trying to mess with your head.

Beware. Assume if someone ever lays a "you made me..." on us, that person is not emotionally healthy enough to be trusted with anything other than shallow public communication where others can see it.

Bullies operate in secret.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

@Solara, I agree. With all of it.

@ BloomInWinter, you're right. I do not know if she actually cut herself or not. My mom brought up that point.