Feeling Selfish...

[LaVitaEBella]

I'm new to this forum, though I've thought about joining many times over the last year.

Curious as to whether it's common to feel selfish when talking about PTSD? I have this insatiable desire to talk about my trauma but no one to share it with for fear that A) people don't actually want to listen, and B) they don't really get it even if they hear me.

I also want to be sure to respect other's stories and be careful to listen as much as I want to talk about myself and my own traumas. I know people have suffered much greater traumas than I have and I feel selfish talking about my problems when perhaps other people have had it worse.

As a talkative person, is this just part of my personality or is it common for folks with PTSD to want to over-share? I have never talked about any of this (until today) and want to be understood and heard.

Also wondering - I believe I suffer from PTSD because of a specific type of abuse I suffered, but in the last year two totally different traumatic events in my life have occurred and affected me deeply. It seems to have brought my anxiety and fear level way, way up, even though these more recent events have nothing to do with my abuser at all. Is this common too?

 

[DMerish]

As a talkative person, is this just part of my personality or is it common for folks with PTSD to want to over-share? I have never talked about any of this (until today) and want to be understood and heard.

You, yourself just wrote that you've never talked with someone. In my opinion (IMO) folks with PTSD, in general, are disinclined to talk about the cause of their PTSD or their symptoms. that affect them. I think talking about what happened, and about how to deal with symptoms, (with select people, in particular a therapist) is important. I think talking about what happened and how to deal with symptoms is important though, if done with select people, in particular one's therapist.

Also wondering - I believe I suffer from PTSD because of a specific type of abuse I suffered, but in the last year two totally different traumatic events in my life have occurred and affected me deeply. It seems to have brought my anxiety and fear level way, way up, even though these more recent events have nothing to do with my abuser at all. Is this common too?

IMO, what you described is very common. I'm sorry your anxiety and comfort level are off kilter.

 

[LaVitaEBella]

I guess what I mean when I say I feel inclined to talk is that I want to share about being a survivor of DV. You're right - I don't feel the need to go into specifics. Whether with a therapist or even a close friend, when I talk about abuse or specific moments in my life that have affected me, later I regret talking about it. I feel deeply ashamed and judged and insecure, no matter how close the person is/was to me. I worry that I over-share when I feel safe and then I no longer feel safe around that person - Like they think differently of me afterwards.

My boyfriend knows everything and he's incredibly kind, patient and understanding. Yet I don't use him for any support because I am afraid to burden him too much and let on that maybe I'm not an awesome girlfriend or that I'm a handful. He's never even remotely expressed that he's not interested in listening or just hugging me if I need it, but somewhere about a year ago I decided to stop telling him when I'm anxious. I also think it's because I see that he is deeply saddened about my past and I feel like by talking about it, I'm hurting him and worrying him. Typically I am at my most anxious when he's not at home or when he's asleep next to me. I want to confide in someone and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they won't judge me or change their feelings towards me if I can open up about how I feel. I also don't want anyone to feel bad for me. It's so awkward to want to reach out and have someone know me and understand me without feeling like I unloaded something so huge on them that they would have preferred not to know. And a therapist is someone that I have to pay to talk to, so I just have decided to keep it all in...

 

[arfie]

"Selfish" is only one of the names I call my resistance to talking about all the sets of etceteras in my cPTSD baggage car. My list of names for it is far longer than I care to recite. But trying to hold it all in turns me into a human volcano. I have gained from my time with professionals, but it does feel an awful lot like visiting a hooker...

Support groups are what work best for me. Talking it over with the folks who are in the trenches with me provides me the most functional balance I have found in this bizarre journey.

Gentle hugs and hopes, LaVita.

 

[LongStoryShort]

Personally I used to talk a lot, in bouts of mindless anger. I kind of wish I never had these talks exhausted me and took a lot of my time, when I was in that mode I would not care about what came out or who I was talking to or how they might feel about it. I didn't really learn till years later how talking about it made me exhausted, without exception I would get a headache be tired and red all over my face and ears. My heartrate would go up and my body would like stiffen up and in the end of it all I would be worn out.I know for a fact I was not thinking straight. I think people might have thought I was selfish, but it was almost like I did not really know what to do but continue. Not sure how I ended up that way, except having some people close to me who would ask a lot of questions and I would answer. It wasn't the right thing to do, to talk, but I did not know that.

Nowadays I don't want to talk about it and therapists will say it would be better if I did, but I don't think it is better to anymore, why do I want to burn my hands?

I think you sound like you have a very balanced way of handling things especially thinking you don't want to burden your bf. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to who is willing to listen and understand but who is more of a friend than a therapist. I guess that is why I'm here on this website. But on the other hand it's better I do not talk about any of it.

Best wishes.

 

[rightkindofme]

Wanting to talk about yourself isn't selfish--it is the desire to be understood and seen and supported. Can it be done to an unhealthy level, sure. You can also drink so much water it can kill you. That doesn't mean people should avoid water.

It is hard finding the right balance though. I am hard on the side of over-sharing. I back off from this forum when I'm being too me-me-me.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please seek out professional help. You are self diagnosing and that can be very dangerous.

 

[The Albatross]

Solaria has a point, self diagnosis is not advised. It may be adversity rather than PTSD or a generalized anxiety disorder.