How To Get Through The Holidays Without Relapsing?

[wolfie205]

The last holidays triggered all my symptoms and because of it, I found out I had PTSD. I've been in therapy for about a year now and I've been coping pretty well. I've been able to go out with friends and go about doing the usual things I do and I feel like I've gotten a lot better. I don't feel like I even need therapy now because everything is pretty manageable. My anxiety is pretty mild and nothing I can't handle. I can't sleep well but other than that, my life has gotten back to what it was before this happened. It's the time of the year where there are going to be family gatherings that I would have to go for and part of me is really worried that my symptoms are all going to come back. I want to try and go for the gatherings because I don't know how to explain to anyone that being around the family is ten times more stressful for me because I have this. Very few people know I have PTSD and why I even have it. I haven't told a lot of people what happened to me so I don't think I can explain why I am suddenly not turning up for all the gatherings. I want to try and go because I feel like I've gotten better and I want to try and manage my symptoms even if they return but I don't want things to get really bad again. Any tips on trying to get through? I'm not in therapy anymore because I don't feel like I need it. I don't want to get so anxious that I have to go see someone again, anyone has found anything to help with getting through the holidays?

 

[franciemarnie]

I'm minimizing exposure this year. I'm not doing Thanksgiving. I made a good excuse.

But I am willing to do one Christmas get together by focusing on the aspect that is important - seeing my nephews. If I didn't have those nephews, I wouldn't do it. The probable consequences wouldn't be worth it. But focusing on the love I have for them eases the anxiety and inner conflict on seeing the other people. I plan on lots of mindful meditation, work outs and healing therapies before and after the holiday. I'm going to do as much feel good stuff I can think of.

That's my plan. I hope you make a safe plan and do whatever is best for you!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I bought my Thanksgiving dinner this year instead of making it myself. Reliefs a lot of stress.

 

[arfie]

I plan on relapses. It is, quite simply, a very long string of anniversaries and if there is a pain-free way through it, I haven't found it yet, and I promise I have looked. Hard.

My planning kit includes program materials such as workbooks, meditation readers, journal and a list of numbers out of my support network. I list of excuses to slip away and calm myself is also quite handy.

Good luck, Wolfie. Hope you find what works for you.

 

[gone]

I worked this up in EMDR yesterday and discovered a strategy (untested): when things get too tough, I'm going to take a nap. I don't actually ever take naps, but this way I'll get some alone time to try and regroup. If people wonder why I'm taking so many naps, I'll say I might be coming down with the flu. No better way to get left alone. Good luck @wolfie205 !

 

[The Albatross]

I give myself permission to take a time out from the social event, to go for a set amount of time... and if I have elected to stay after the set time is over, I reassess every 15 minutes and my partner has agreed to leave when I need to, if I need to. I don't get mixed up with apologies or excuses. My and his family knows, I stay as long as I can.

Our Thanksgiving was early... there were more people there than I expected, 6 strangers and a child. I hung in there for about 2 hours and gave the 15 minute warning to my mister after I had taken two "detachment/step outside" breaks. I didn't upset myself or anybody, I didn't embarrass myself or anybody... the strangers were none the wiser, and my in laws know the drill as I have done it for about the last 10 years.

 

[Britt.f7]

If the family event is at my father's, I usually try to keep myself busy by doing dishes or something. I tend to walk in circles around the house(he has a large house) and that helps ease some of the pressure. Sometimes I have a glass of wine or two. I remind myself that I do not have to stay long, just through dinner and maybe clean up.

If it is at my house, after all the niceties, I may go to my room for a bit, or until company is gone. I keep myself busy until the niceties are done.

Reminding yourself that it is okay to step out, say for a smoke, even if you don't smoke, is fine. Even people without PTSD do that from time to time.

 

[scout86]

I have a reputation, established over a lifetime, of being kind of eccentric and not very social. If I'm somewhere with friends, they all are aware that when I've had enough socializing, I'm leaving. Politely, no excuses, just "been nice seeing you, I'm going home.". It's a little harder with family. I still try to set it up so it's in short stretches, with some way to "escape". Maybe that's called "avoidance"? LOL

 

[arfie]

Maybe it is avoidance, @scout, but I reserve the right to avoid the brunt of any storm. For me, Santa Season is a 2 month, non-stop blizzard. Avoidance is a bad habit, especially if I don't recognize when I am using it, but at times it is an effective coping tool.

 

[JellyB]

The holidays are very tough to get through - even with therapy. I am going to try to use my coping tools that I was given in an 8 week inpatient program for PTSD. However, I am reserving the right to do what I think is right for me - not for anyone else. Attending a family function is not for me this holiday but if I decide to do something, it will have a time-limit where I will not allow my anxiety to reach over 30% discomfort. If I am anywhere, and I feel the panic coming on, I just leave. I then spend time with something that I know will not make me anxious, like my dog. If PTSD has "taught" me anything about myself, most importantly is that I need to take time to care for myself. There is never a need to discuss your PTSD with anyone and I don't feel that I have to answer any questions regarding PTSD from family or anyone if I don't feel like it.

 

[Hashi]

I want to try and go because I feel like I've gotten better and I want to try and manage my symptoms even if they return but I don't want things to get really bad again.

In this case, I'd recommend limiting your exposure. For example, going to some things but not others. Staying for a little while but not too long.

As others have said, advance preparation and having exit plans ready is very helpful. A simple reason, close to the truth without being revealing, is often enough - for example "I'm tired". A simple reason that isn't the truth can also be good, like having to get up early the next day.

Something I'm wondering from reading what you wrote is whether you have specific coping strategies, like a tool kit that you can draw on as and when needed? If so, how strong to do you think those skills are? If you imagine a bad case scenario at one of the gatherings, can you see yourself drawing on your skills and handling it OK?