Seeing Failure as a Positive?

[nathan]

that is exactly what im talking about.

I can completely relate about being terrified to fail and being a control freak. All I know is that due to my numerous failures I became a stronger person . That is pretty positive although, at the time, it didn t seem very positive. We learn by our mistakes:smile:

 

[batgirl]

I said the same thing... I don't see the difference except that I don't like the word failure...

 

[nathan]

hey evie, didnt mean any disrespect. dshanks stated it so simply which is probably why i quoted her. didnt mean to play favorites, haha.

 

[Linda]

Hi Nathan,
IMO, it helps to think of a "failure" as rather of an "unsuccessfull try". And to remember that we still do have other tries.
No one is born skilled, and doing something inevidebly (hope I spelled it right!) means making mistakes. The good part of such mistakes or unsuccessfull tries is that we still gain some experience form them. We have an opportunity to think: what caused the mistake? What can I do to fix it? How can I improve my performance next time?
Nothing can be done perfect with a first try, but each time we can think of tha past experience and improve our work.
Take care,
Linda

 

[becvan]

I also prefer the word mistake.. because this is the meaning of failure:

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
fail·ure [feyl-yer]
–noun
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.
4. deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary.
5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt: the failure of a bank.
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career. The cake is a failure.


As you can see.. it is negative no matter what spin you put on it.

And this is the meaning of mistake:

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
mis·take [mi-steyk] noun, verb, -took, -tak·en, -tak·ing.
–noun
1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2. a misunderstanding or misconception.
–verb (used with object)
3. to regard or identify wrongly as something or someone else: I mistook him for the mayor.
4. to understand, interpret, or evaluate wrongly; misunderstand; misinterpret.
–verb (used without object)
5. to be in error.
—Idiom
6. and no mistake, for certain; surely: He's an honorable person, and no mistake.

Mistakes are much more human no?

bec

 

[hollyberry]

but bec, a mistake is something you can usually fix within a reasonable amount of time. There is no way I can fix the damage I have done to my children because of my messed up thinking. I failed my children. I did a much better job then my mom but I still did a really bad job. I used drugs and my job to avoid my life...I worked all the time, instead of teaching my children the things they really needed to know. How can that simply be justifed as a mistake.

 

[batgirl]

hey evie, didnt mean any disrespect. dshanks stated it so simply which is probably why i quoted her. didnt mean to play favorites, haha.

Sorry nathan, I was having a very bad night, there's some serious stress in my family right now. I was being sensitive, you didn't do anything wrong.

Holly I disagree that a mistake has to be something short term. I ran away from my family for 5 years and I consider that a mistake. It's not a failure. It would only be a failure in my eyes if I never resolved the situation with them, stayed away forever. Additionally, having PTSD and the things I do because of that do not make me a failure. They make ill, I have an illness. I think that's where the word "failure" really bothers me. It's the flipside of being perfect. Like black and white type thinking really. If I'm not perfect, then I must be a failure kind of thing, if that makes any sense. I understand what you're saying about failing your children, you can't justify that no, but that's kind of an extreme example, most things we do in life are mistakes in my opinion.

 

[nathan]

hey evie, no worries. i figured thats what was going on. we all have our off days, i just had one on saturday.

 

[Linda]

Holliberry,
There are dpfferent kinds of mistakes. For instance, you can take a wrong road and follow it until totally lost.
But I would say that the failure is when you know the right way and can take it but still take a wrong one. Wjile a mistake is when you either do not know or unable to do something right.
Yes, consequences of mistakes can be bad (for example, those of doctor's mistakes), but, unfortunatelly, they are a part of life.
Take care,
Linda

 

[just tina]

I just failed two classes, after getting an invitation to an honor's society. Now I have gotten my first academic warning. That hurt, even though I had already accepted that I failed---which was hard to do.

I don't consider it a "success"---the F is for "failure"---but there's something comforting about knowing that I'm still standing. Not in good academic standing, but it didn't kill me. I'll just have to take the classes over and make better grades. I'm grateful that the program I'm in is forgiving me (this time) and the school takes the highest grade after I retake the classes.

Failing two classes made me take my PTSD relapse more seriously. Taking care of myself and balancing my life well enough to get good grades in those two classes is at least a concrete goal for pulling myself together. Only taking two classes, so I have time to go to the gym and counseling, and to study more than I would normally have to to get things.

Failure can be motivating, especially if you're stubborn, like I am.

 

[nathan]

hey tina, i was in a similar situation a couple years ago in my second semester of college. it was right before i learned that i had ptsd. my grades started slipping because i was having anxiety attacks during my midterms and i would withdraw and skip classes altogether. so i had to drop my classes. now after about two years i will be going back in january. im starting slow, probably one, maybe two music courses. my school was like yours in that they are forgiving and take the higher grade, so i dont think i really hurt myself academically. im pretty excited to be going back. apart from the panic attacks college was a very positive experience. im glad to hear that you are sticking it out despite the hardship. i think those kind of experiences are necessary to learn and grow as a human being. i wish you great luck and hope this time around goes better for you.

take care,
nate

 

[just tina]

Luck to you, Nate. My first college plan (way back in the eighties) was fine arts. Painting was great therapy. I loved it. Now I'm going for a horticulture degree and I love that too. It's hard to be confident, but I'm psyched about my degree. Scatterbrained but psyched.

Hope it goes well for you too. How are you dealing with the anxiety attacks? (If you don't mind my asking?)