General Depressed.

[Badger]

What really sucks in this world is feel the sunlight for a minute and then be pulled back into the cave. It's worse then being in the cave in the first place. To want to die but know you can't because you have other people you are responsible for, and to know that you can't even do anysort of job of accomplishing your responsibilities because there's no way to bear weight when you are standing in quicksand.

Happy Holiday's everyone

 

[Seasounds]

I sense you may not be looking at this forum in the next week, but in case you do:
-What pulled you into the quicksand?
-And by quicksand do you mean, depressing thoughts, anger, sadness, self harm?
I hope your cave time is healing.

I was actually thinking of something similar: if I ever knew what diligence and resilience it would take to encounter the world, would I do it again. I could've lived in my cave but I wanted to 'be part' of society. I didn't know how every step of 'pushing the envelope' would involve dealing with and healing a trigger or memory, and incrementally developing self-esteem to believe in myself, along the way. A full time job, if you ask me!

Healing and respect to you.

 

[The Albatross]

When you are standing in quicksand, survivalists say do not struggle, the way you get out of it is to stop fighting. Try to lift your body up, wriggle onto the surface and angle your body up and monkey crawl out of it. Man vs Wild Quicksand Demonstration - the trick is to be mindful of where you are and take the actions calmly and rationally as possible to get yourself free of it.

Of course not sinking into of it in the first place is a lot nicer, but if it occurs having a strategy to get out of it is called for. Cycling sucks, yeah... but the upside of some repetition (even though it doesn't "feel" that way when you're in it) is that each down cycle is an opportunity to practice coping strategies, use tools, and gain experience and competency in the longer term.

Take care of yourself Badger and try to get your bearings and presence of mind. Use your coping strategies,,, and monkey crawl back out.

Happy holidays just seems so incongruent to your topic and what you are expressing it left me blinking for a while.

 

[Deleted member 23044]

I just recently read a really visually descriptive understanding of PTSD, and for whatever reason your post made me think of it.

Imagine a person without PTSD being an empty glass on the kitchen table. When you go to fill that glass up with water (water symbolizes daily normal stress/responsibilities) it takes a little while for it to fill and overflow. Now imagine a person with PTSD being an already half-full(to full) glass of water on the kitchen table, when you go to fill THAT glass up it overflows quickly. :(

I have been feeling increasing anxiety upon going out and during normal activities lately, it's no good. I can barely get myself in the shower, much less go to the store to get groceries. And I've been slacking on being financially smart(avoiding bills, procrastinating, even though these things are pretty simple things and take five minutes max to take care of). I might seek out further medical help soon if this doesn't lift (temporary prescribed anti-everything pills), and I hope that it is only temporary. I am going to therapy currently but would have to see another doctor or whatever to get that kind of help.

Hope you feel better soon.
Love from a total random stranger,
Robot.

 

[Badger]

Thanks guys. Yeah the Happy Holidays thing was sarcastic. In my current living situation Holidays are just stressful. (apologies to the moderators-could you turn below into quotes? My android tablet is freaking out and won't do it.)

-What pulled you into the quicksand? -And by quicksand do you mean, depressing thoughts, anger, sadness, self harm?

Well I am better now. The quicksand in my life is the daily struggle of coping with living in an emotionally abusive situation with a misogynist who has narcissistic tendencies. He is legally still my husband although we are seperated. I now have a plan to move out and a date by which it must be done. I have suffered with this situation for 8 years because we have 2 children. Raising children in this situation is like trying to carry them through quicksand. You have to get to the other side, you have no support and you are sinking lower and lower. It is all you can do to hold the kids up.

That morning I put up this post, I had an argument with the person who pulled me out of the cave and gave me myself back. I thought he was permanently disapointed with me at the end of it because I am used to a guy who nurses his grudges like cancer patients, will never discuss anything emotional and will constantly drag up crap from the past to justify all of his neglect and mistreatment of myself and our children.

This was our first argument, and Southern europeans (i'm Sicilian and my friend is Latino) get into it pretty good when we argue. It is rarely a reasoned and polite discussion. We are both pretty hot tempered. I found out that no permanent damage was done though, and furthermore, I also found out that he gets over things quickly and does not hold grudges, which is a pretty awesome personality characteristic. He found out that no matter how emotional I get I am still a person of my word and I think that was important to him. So we both went licked our wounds and learned something. He is actually capable of doing a lot of yelling and then telling me he loves me 5 minutes later even though his feelings are very hurt. I can do that, but I have never met a man that could before. Someday when we move in together I have a suspicion that our relationship will benifit from having a lot of nerf swords and fluffy things around the house to throw at each other and smack each other with... less hurtful then words ;)