Nervous To Try Therapy Again

[Emily18]

I am going to be starting therapy again in January at my university. I've heard the psychologists there are very good and all have high levels of training.

However, the last time I was in therapy it was absolutely awful. The therapist broke confidentiality rules and called my mother without my knowledge about our sessions. This led to a lot of tension and stress at home. The were also very intrusive and insisted on doing "body checks" as I was a former self-harmer. This was a trigger for me and the therapy seemed to make my symptoms worse.

Now, I have very little trust in therapy. I believe it could be very beneficial to me if it isn't as horrible as it was last time. I really want to continue with my healing process but I'm terrified of therapy.

Edited to add: I was not suicidal or self-harming at the time of the therapy. I mentioned that I had self-harmed in the past but no longer did it and she still insisted on checking.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
I'm not sure what the current rules are for minors in therapy (I'm guessing you were a minor at the time ?), but regardless, your therapist was out of line. You trusted her and she broke that trust. I want to assure you that breaking confidentiality is not the norm in therapy.

I urge you to take a leap of faith and reach out to a new therapist. Take your time in building up trust before telling this person everything.

 

[Emily18]

I'm not sure what the current rules are for minors in therapy (I'm guessing you were a minor at the time ?)

I was a minor at the time, however, she reviewed the rules with me before the beginning session and I had a print-out of the confidentiality agreement. They were both definitely broken.

Thank you though for your assurances and support. :)

 

[Abstract]

Normally the only way they have a right to break confidentiality is if they believe you are a serious threat to yourself or others. If you were underage and you were suicidal they would be obliged to report it. If that was the case it still doesn't in any way discount how this has affected you. I would feel exactly as you do.

If she knew you had abuse in your past and insisted on the body checks that seems extremely wrong to me. One of the problems is that some people don't understand trauma.

Therapists are usually very trustworthy. Take your time and post if there are any concerns you have. Feedback can be a good way of weeding out any bad t's early on. Well done for going back to therapy.

 

[arfie]

I made my own peace with the therapy mistrust phenom through the broken bone analogy. My psyche (visualize bones) was hit, over and over again in the same place, re-breaking old breaks until the bones were pulverized. We don't get to fix it with a colorful band-aid and a caring kiss on the way to the beauty contest. Reconstructive surgery was the only way to get myself out of the wheelchair.

It hurt like a mean father. Still does, but however painful the steps, I am thrilled to be walking at all.

The choice to remain in the wheelchair is equally valid. It just wasn't for me. Not then. Hopefully never.

Gentle hugs for sustenance while you sort through your own unique dynamics, Emily.

 

[Abstract]

Great analogy @arfie. Where I am at is attempting to be sure therapy is painful reconstructive surgery rather than another if milder dose of pulverisation. :rolleyes:

 

[arfie]

Often the only way to fix badly healed bones is, literally, re-break them in order to re-set them in a more functional line. It is, indisputably in my mind, a choosing between poisons. I still believe that letting it be purely my decision made it much easier to live with the side effects. Yes, I still limp and often need a crutch, but it is MY limp. You should see my line-up of designer crutches!

 

[Abstract]

Yes. But what if the new break doesn't promote healing and in fact creates more dysfunction? Any pain and break is worthwhile to get off of those crutches or need them less.

Have you ever been adversely affected by therapy? Not in terms of getting better but it terms of getting worse long term?

 

[arfie]

I do not believe I will ever know. We do not get to know the road not taken.

I do know my siblings all think my therapy is a sham. They call it, "The Church of Psychiatry." I am not willing to declare them wrong. They claim that the "Psycho Priests" are the highest paid priests in the history of religion. I cannot deny that they are NOT a cheap date, nor are their pharmaceutical solutions.

For certain, I feel far more at peace with the world now than I did when I started therapy in 1972. Maybe just mellowing with age...

 

[Overcast]

I would make sure the therapist allows you to set the pace and direction for therapy. I would also discuss your concern for confidentiality with the therpist and what direction he will take if you do verbalize thoughts of harm. If he believes self harm is going to happen he may need to place you in a place where it is safe for you or he may come up with another plan with you where you will be safe.

 

[zaniara]

Have you ever been adversely affected by therapy? Not in terms of getting better but it terms of getting worse long term?

I can answer yes to both of those questions. I was in therapy that really effected me badly, and also left me worse of than I was before it. And then I tried some therapies that just messed me up or didn't help. So I came to the conclusion therapy wasn't for me. But then PTSD almost killed me.. So.. Untreated PTSD do kill a lot of people. Besides I got so sick and tired of only surviving, and I felt I would very much like to know what it feels to be living(something I've never experienced), that I took another chance. Of course then I had been abused again: because my PTSD made me vulnerable for new abusers, and I was about to commit suicide if I didn't get proper help, since life was so bad. But I decided that I wouldn't stop searching for help until I found the help that actually helped me. I was scared shitless, but I didn't give in to my fear, and finally I found a GREAT therapist who actually can help me! :) (But I had to meet one women first, who was a really bad fit, and who messed me up too: but I decided to change therapist after seeing her only twice; and after almost ending up at the psych ward.)

I think starting to dig into all of this, and then quitting and not getting it "fixed"(getting healed) is a really bad place to be. At least it was for me. I sort of wish I had fought more earlier to get the right kind of help. (But it's hard fighting for anything while struggling so much with PTSD and being so broken by it all.)

To Emily: I'm sorry that therapist broke the contract and broke your trust. But I think you really ought to give those new people a chance. A good therapist can really make such a big difference! If the person doesn't feel right, then you can change and don't stop searching until you find the therapist that actually can help you.

 

[Abstract]

I think starting to dig into all of this, and then quitting and not getting it "fixed"(getting healed) is a really bad place to be.

You are right Zaniera. Thanks for sharing. It's the whole thing of separating what is PTSD irrational fear, what is intuition, what is self and other knowledge. What is pacing oneself and what is unhelpful avoidance. :confused: