Please Help...child Advocacy Center Is A Bully?

[Abstract]

That is why we presented the callous way she handled that conversation in that letter.

Oh dear. Could you quote that part? I think I missed it? If you highlight the line a quote me button should come up. That puts a totally different spin on things.

 

[scout86]

First, way to go for sticking up for your kids!

I don't have anything to offer that's going to make this go away. Seems like you need to prepare for battle on 2 fronts. One with the family and one with the bureaucrats. Bureaucracy moves slowly, so something may well be happening on that front right now. I wouldn't expect it to happen fast. If I was you, I'd find the best lawyer I could find, who has experience with this sort of thing, and hire them, even if I couldn't afford it. Sometimes just a letter written on the "right" letterhead gets taken more seriously. This is one of those situations, not unlike therapy, where you need the help of an expert and the thing to do is get the very best one you can find. On the family front, I think it's inevitable that people are going to chose sides and things sound like they will probably get worse before they get better. But, come what may, NONE of this is your "fault". It's the fault of the sick SOB who committed the crimes.

Best of luck & go get 'em!

 

[Fallen Angel]

Roberta told J during their conversation that this video cost your center a lot of money.

Roberta told J that sometimes people become irrational during times like these

Roberta said she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Our belief? When you begin doing the right thing, there is no rock. There is no hard place. There is only right and wrong. There is only justice.

 

[ill]

Definitely keep going up the chain of command. Also, are Roberta and Jan social workers? Can you report them to their governing body? In Canada (or at least in my province) we can do that, but I'm not sure how that works in the US.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

 

[HelenB]

I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to your daughters and so glad that they are able to be so listened to and protected, as I know this is so important and has such a massive effect on the ongoing consequences of abuse such as this.

Though I know it is a different note to the replies on here I cannot help wondering if your mother in law really was in denial herself and really could not believe that the things were true. I am very aware that if this man abused both her daughter and his grandchildren there is quite a high likelihood that your mother in law was also abused by him, and if this is the case but she was also in denial about that, I could see that it could have a massive effect on the things she could allow herself to believe, even about her own daughter. I know this is sick and very hard, but personally would blame this so much on the abuser himself, as it is such a sick circle which brings so much devistation and confusion to so many people.

I am so glad she was able to be honest with you about the allegations from your niece so that you could do everything you could to protect your children, and am sorry that this whole circle was not able to come out so much sooner to protect and support all involved.

On a different note, here in the UK I am pretty sure that any information such as the letter you sent, which is held on file, the person it is written about by law has a right to have a copy of under the freedom of information act. I do not know where you are or what the laws there state and cannot confirm that is definitely the case, but that was my understanding and in many ways can see why it would be the case that she would also be given a copy.

Again I am so sorry for what has happened to you and really am glad that you are doing so much to protect and facilitate the healing of your daughters. I only wish I also had a mother who was able to respond in the same way and really am so glad that you are doing so much for them and protecting them so much.

God bless
Helen

 

[Fallen Angel]

Also, are Roberta and Jan social workers? Can you report them to their governing body? In Canada (or at least in my province) we can do that, but I'm not sure how that works in the US.

Unfortunately, they are not licensed social workers and do not have a governing body or a licensure board.

Thank you so much for everyones support on this thread. This site has been a wonderful resource for me as one of my goals has been not to internalize so much. So much has gone on. I had my first panic attack in many months this morning. Fortunately, the children were still fast asleep.

 

[Fallen Angel]

@HelenB You have voiced a suspicion we have had for many months now. The initial appropriate response then the coverup and denial is typical of a victim trying to protect her abuser.

As for the letter, I can see your point as to why she may have been furnished a copy. I don't know how it is under other organizations, however. I work for the government. In the psychology field, a lot of people go under investigation especially in inpatient settings. While I have never been been under investigation myself, I do know that we do have a confidential whistle blower policy to protect people from retaliation and harassment. I guess its a thin line for management and its those management decisions that truly make a difference.

Thank you for your last comment. I didnt have much of a role model for a mother so I always question my mothering abilities. But that's another thread. :)

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @Fallen Angel

Do you have any suspicion whatsoever that 'Jan' may have been a victim of her own father at some point? I am not trying to make excuses in the slightest, just trying to get my head round this.

Board members have been given an opportunity to review and discuss your letter and we have taken action with regard to your concerns.

Have they specified the 'action'? Is it just about the video, or does it mean they are undertaking an internal investigation?

 

[Fallen Angel]

Have they specified the 'action'? Is it just about the video, or does it mean they are undertaking an internal investigation?

They did not specify the action. She is still working there, so at best, a warning may have been all she would have gotten? Obviously, the letter was shared with her, as you all know.

As someone who works with human behavior, she shows all the signs of someone in denial, perhaps a victim herself. It seems interesting to me that she also chose to become a forensic interviewer as a career choice. It must be incredible difficult to listen to children day in and day out talk about abuse.

.... kind of like the broken people who enter the psychology field who also want to fix other people as they find pieces of their broken selves.. * cough*

 

[Lucycat]

.. kind of like the broken people who enter the psychology field who also want to fix other people as they find pieces of their broken selves.. * cough*

Yep - me too!! I have started studying psychology, just about to enter my second year on a degree course! But it is not that I want to fix other people, more to understand human behaviour and the workings of the mind. I am fascinated by it, but have no plans to change career - it is as a hobby in my own free time that I study.

I was in denial that my father was an abuser for very many years- like 40+. I work in a field that has mandatory Child Protection training on an annual basis. I never saw how any of it related to me. Total denial. I knew he had abused me, but did not consider that anybody else was at risk. It was one of the other victims that 'blew the whistle' and then my story came tumbling out. I did nothing in all those years to acknowledge that others were at risk or do anything about it. Looking back it is so hard to understand that I could not see what was going on around me, but I was blind to it all. It was only with therapy that I was able to see the horrific guilt I felt when it all came out was not mine to own, and realise that the abuser is always responsible for his/her own actions

I am not condoning what Jan or her employers have done to you and your family. Just that from my perception it is her employers who are culpable, and maybe she is another victim in all this. I do hope that the perpetrator is found guilty and gets an appropriate sentence. I don't suppose he will ever feel responsible for the huge amount of ripples that have spread out from his abusive actions.

Best wishes to you and your children.

 

[HelenB]

I just hope that through all this that everything can come out into the light for all involved. I do suspect that even though she may be in denial herself that under it all would be so much the part which would want to have a voice and allow her to protect not only the children she works for but her own inner child too, and would not be surprised of part of her work would be trying to outplay this in a subconscious way, because in so may ways her own natural defences of denial of what may have happened to her would so much stop her being able to listen too to her internal child and all the emotions and feelings which would come with that, but being able to protect others may help in this and in some way even bring comfort and hope to that child inside her too, be it all in a very subconscious way.

I don't know how much sense that makes but is kind of the things it brings up for me when thinking about it all. Again I find it so sick that the real cycles of abuse do get so entrenched with all the denial and other associated responses, which in themselves for the time when it was happening, really would have made it so much easier to be able to deal with, but which in the long term do cause so much associated destruction to so many people.

Again I am so glad that you have been able to respond in such a positive way to your daughters so that they do not have to get stuck in this cycle of denial and deception and really do know that this will have such a major positive impact on the way they are able to move forward and heal from this, knowing 100% that they are not to blame and that this horrific thing which was done to them was not in any way their fault.

God bless
Helen

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry if this sounds callous, but the priority is the children. If Jan is protecting a self-admitted child molester, she is not qualified for her job and as such should be fired. Yes, I realize that she may have been abused herself, however that does NOT excuse how she silenced her daughter or is attempting to send a child abuser out of state to avoid prosecution under the guise that he is going to assisted living. These are active CHOICES she is making. We've all come out of the realm of denial so while it's hard, it's not impossible. Please spare the pity party for someone who isn't an enabler. Actually, it makes me want to puke. She lost her victim status the second she played a part in the abuse of another.