Poll Where Do You Find A Sense Of Belonging?

[Deleted member 1860]

@Pietro,
Perhaps, for some, but I am pretty much on the extreme end of things. I feel no need to seek out relationships of any kind, beyond impersonal professional connections which are a means to an end----self sufficiency one day. I don't seek out lovers, I don't seek out friends. I just don't feel that need----and I realize this concept is so incredibly un fathomable to most that I can't explain it, and I don't even try simply because I am looked at like I have 3 heads when even a glimpse of this leaks out by mistake. Even here on the forum----I've been here for awhile and have no personal connections whereas many others do, some right off the bat.

 

[txtrace]

I don't really feel a sense of belonging anywhere. I had a career of almost 20 years and had to retire due to my physical injuries so I'm not really part of that "circle" anymore. My other friends have made comments about how much I've changed so I don't really feel like I belong around them either. Same with my family.

I also don't feel a huge need to "belong" somewhere. As some of you have pointed out, it is sometimes hard to go it alone but that is better than being around someone who focuses on who I used to be since I'll never be that person again.

I think it is more important right now to have a sense of purpose than a sense of belonging. I volunteer for a cause I feel strongly about and I am doing everything I can to try to enable myself to go back to school and hopefully return to work in a new career. I think a sense of purpose will get me further right now and will eventually bring about a sense of belonging, with the right people/place, when it's time.

I hope that makes sense

 

[Pietro]

I feel no need to seek out relationships of any kind, beyond impersonal professional connections which are a means to an end... I just don't feel that need...

I don't think this is unfathomable. I think there are many people like this, those who do not want much company from others.

I am quite introverted. I don't need to socialize all that much, especially if it means some kind of superficial public events. I think I am naturally this way, but I also know that much of this is from my social anxiety, which developed as a result of my history. Maybe one day, I'll have a better idea of which is which. ;)

I'm curious -- if you aren't interested in connecting with others, why do you visit this forum and comment at all? Even if your connections are not close or "personal", interacting with others here, especially for as long as you have, would be considered a form of connection, or even belonging -- wouldn't it?

 

[ms spock]

@Solara I do love your sense of humour. I have noticed that you are ever so funny.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hashi, what exactly does it mean, 'belonging', exactly? I don't know how to answer. :(

I would only add (or ask?) perhaps it is, or has to entail something more than similarities in beliefs, or goals, or ideologies, or even interests or similarities (eg having ptsd/the forum)? Rather, along with any of those being a starting point, I would guess it would have to include (at the very least) 'belonging' to a group or with others that one senses has each other's back, genuinely cares for or likes and respects/ values/ welcomes one another, and chooses that of their free will (not because of obligation or requirement), but genuinely feels that way?

And I guess 'understanding' one another to a degree, or afinity, or at least acceptance without loss of connection or genuine affection or 'likeability', otherwise it would be simply respectfulness of one another but not necessarily feel like 'belonging'? Or perhaps I am off base. :confused:

As per a sense of belonging to 'a' workplace, (versus a 'specific' workplace), as you mentioned , perhaps that sense of belonging equates also to validation of your own self-esteem, self-worth, or +/ or contribution and accomplishment? (Forgive me if it doesn't apply. PS, congratulations on the new job! :) :tup: )

 

[Ghostybear73]

@ ms spock, I definitely know my job and get it done with efficiency. I decided for the new year, I was determined to find happiness. One way I have already starting is setting boundaries. I tried to get out of the management portion of my job and go back to stricly teaching, but my boss told me no (I'm the only one with the credentials to support the accredidating bodies). I think I surprised him to speechlessness when I told him I couldn't do something he asked for right this minute because I had to work on something that has priority

 

[Bluerose]

Even needing a relationship with others is a part of the process of self realisation. No one needs to be alone in order to get strong and recover. But alone-time can be very productive to recovery. It is possible to be alone without feeling lonely. I believe it has a lot to do with what we think we need. And we can be wrong sometimes. We might not need as much as we think we do in order to be well.

I had more to say but thought it best to make it a diary entry instead so as not to derail the thread.

 

[Hashi]

Hashi, what exactly does it mean, 'belonging', exactly? I don't know how to answer.

Good question, Junebug! I think you've probably answered that yourself better than I could, but I'll come back and respond properly later. What you and other people have responded is fascinating to me. I want to come back when I'm less tired and can think better about it. Long day at my lovely new job, lol.

 

[Dee Morris]

@Solara Just different personalities. I get not feeling like I need connections. I go through spurts that the connections are a hindrance and I prefer to not deal with it but for me that feeling has always been temporary.

 

[Tinyflame]

Long day at my lovely new job, lol.

I hear you Hashi, me too, lol. :sleep: I look forward always to hearing your thoughts. :hug:

 

[Abstract]

I don't think you are as different as you feel you are! ;-)

This was an experiment by the way! :whistling::D

Options of possible reactions: you just thought it was wrong with no real emotion; you thought it was possible with a similar reaction; It slightly pleased you; it annoyed you on some level; more than one of these at the same time!

It came about because of my own ponderings about my possible reactions. I sometimes wonder about the possibility of me wanting to be different but not in a straight forward way. Wanting and not wanting. Sometimes even fearing and using it against me. Other times feeling it is powerful.

 

[Abstract]

n not something I need.

Solara, you used to speak a lot about being lonely and fear of loneliness. How does that fit into this topic for you? I just ask to get a better idea of what plays out for people. It is a complex topic.