Accountability Friends! :)

[untiltoday]

@Ms Spock
Usually, I listen to music and clean. :) Uplifting, angry, "tough", 90s (my teen years), or floaty music.

But since my relapse and starting therapy, I've had a lot of things rushing into my mind: flashbacks and connecting reasons for why I am the way I am. I also am noticing how much my emotions are delayed (hours or days after an event/interaction).

So, recently I've not been able to think of anything else until I have thought through my bad feelings long enough to realize what is bothering me and who/what/when/where/why. I usually think through these things while cleaning with headphones on (in my zone), or by sitting and watching one of "my" shows. These shows are series that clicked with me for various reasons, such as 'Scrubs', that I've watched through enough times to not have to pay full attention...but at the same time, the psychology/reflection in the show can sometimes provoke me into realizing new thoughts or connections in my own life.

I also investigate things to double-check my memories or thoughts, just to help me know that I was right in my life situations, such as in my last horrible job that I quit after 2 days. I recently found information that I actually was right to trust myself, even though the experience is difficult to believe.

I hope I'm defining this term "disputing thoughts" correctly :/

 

[ms spock]

@untiltoday it sounds good to me, I am on my L Plates with all this stuff.

I think also noticing your thinking is distorted and challenging those thoughts is a really good way to go as well. \

You know like CBT Cognitive behavioral therapy or DBT Dialectical behavior therapy. I am not so good at it yet. But I am improving.

 

[ms spock]

I didn't give into the fear which was enormous at one point. I broke things down and did them. It felt good.

I got my referrals for my breast and ovary checks and the pap smear.

I got some more blood tests done.

I wrote a letter which at first I had procrastinated, then did it and felt like it was so simple, then checked carefully and found some crucial mistakes. That is pretty awesome. So it took another couple of hours but I got it to the post office in time.

 

[untiltoday]

@Ms Spock Double-triple points for taking care of medical things!!! (it is one of THE toughest things for me.)

 

[untiltoday]

I finally did bloodwork today for my ongoing stuff. And my apartment is so clean, it looks like an adult cleaned it up.

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow that....I'm hoping I can discuss something I wish wasn't anything (talking about my problems talking to a psych).

I'm quite late going to sleep, but I'm going to bed (and I've slept in my bed almost a full week).

I'm getting better at remembering 2+ meals a day, through an ED recovery app. (RR app is neat) And I only just now realized this might be part of what's been causing my deficiency :/ (Yes, ridiculous, but I also haven't realized how much I forget to eat, until this app)

 

[ms spock]

I finally did bloodwork today for my ongoing stuff. And my apartment is so clean, it looks like an adult cleaned it up.

Great achievements.

I'm quite late going to sleep, but I'm going to bed (and I've slept in my bed almost a full week).

I aspire to do the same thing.

I'm getting better at remembering 2+ meals a day, through an ED recovery app. (RR app is neat) And I only just now realized this might be part of what's been causing my deficiency :/ (Yes, ridiculous, but I also haven't realized how much I forget to eat, until this app)

No it is a great strategy that works.

 

[Leah123]

Yesterday I didn't do anything in particular for the PTSD, but... I suppose a day off is alright. :)

Today I have therapy and I'm going to try and work fast on my many projects so I can carve out a bit of rest time. I have homework to do, lots of work, and a birthday party to host, so need to clean house. Success today is probably just being gentle with myself and remembering things don't have to be perfect.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Am finishing signing up and paying for all my classes today- both massage school and my college classes.

I'm proud of myself for going back with such a vengeance!

 

[untiltoday]

Went to therapy today and I'm feeling better about what bothered me last session (I seem to be doing "transference" and I know exactly why: moments of quiet trigger me to think the therapist is "done" with the conversation, like my parents do).

Even though I seem to be having more panic attacks lately, I am actually becoming more aware of my emotions and when I have a delayed reaction. I got through some really stressful moments this week and I am proud: dissociation and all.

One thing I'm noticing that's good is how much more fluent (in person) I've become, just by type-chatting with a PTSD "friend" on tumblr AND by chatting a little more on this forum.

I didn't do well with remembering to eat today, but that may have to do with rushing and I need to maybe slow down.

After a lot of struggle and stress the past few weeks, I believe (might totally disregard this tomorrow) I have finally decided to agree with my therapist (and a tiny part of my mind) that I need to back down from things for a little while and give myself an actual break from trying to desperately/quickly "fix" any of my problems. Yes, I need a job, but if I'm now having trouble with racing thoughts, talking, trying to stay focused just to drive, or be able to tell a grocery list from a debit card: I need to really try to sit still for a bit. I honestly expect too much from myself, especially during a relapse.

 

[Leah123]

I made it through my day well, even though I got triggered in therapy and am really emotionally drained. This has been a double trigger week, just cruising along on high alert, needing more down time to reset the ole stress-meter. My therapist has let me book an extra session tomorrow. I can't afford it, but am going to make it work in hopes of feeling better.

So, for tomorrow, therapy and low expectations. Quiet work, and oh, I think I have a massage. If I can de-escalate my stress enough to enjoy the massage, it should be a huge benefit!

 

[untiltoday]

This has been a double trigger week, just cruising along on high alert, needing more down time to reset the ole stress-meter.

I hear ya on this! Is there something with the moon this week or something??? I sat down in therapy yesterday and the most I could shake out in the first ten minutes was, "Sorry, I'm... just-a-ball-of-stress-this-week!" When she told me "It's okay, just take a minute if you need it.." I was amazed, because I never think of (honestly) doing that, especially around other people.

Hope your day is much better today!

 

[ms spock]

I had a great day and great night last night. I had an okay night tonight.