Sufferer Hi - Concerned About The Effects Of Trauma Therapy

[Survivor2Thriver]

Hi,my name is Lisa. My goal is to turn all the negative energy from my PTSD into awareness for others. Change and awareness. That's the only way to truly heal. Something good has to come from all the pain I've endured. I'm going to need your help. I'm currently in therapy. My next apt is the 19th. She wants to focus on feelings. I don't want to have a heart attack! I'm struggling with cancelling the appointment or plow straight through it. My inner child lived it and survived. As an adult I'm feeling the pain terror sadness hopelessness and anger that I didn't have time to feel as a child. I learned early feelings can get you killed. My grandpa was a power rapist. The women in my family are brainwashed into helping him and protecting him. He couldn't groom me. I am the defiant one. I was uninterested in my grandfathers buy you a new dress for sex program. That's how I became the scapegoat. I stood up for myself. I have a male sibling just as vile. He ganged raped me. They had to use drugs guns pliers ropes dogs in sadistic ways. At this point there are so many childhood memories..they all start bleeding into each other. I cant focus. My mind is still trying to protect me? All I truly know is I am a warrior. Never let them steal your joy. I need help. Any suggestions??

 

[Marf]

Welcome to the forum! My only suggestion is to face your fears and go to your therapy appointment. Even if you are too scared to talk about your feelings, go and talk about how scared you are and let the therapist help you feel safer. You can do it!

 

[arfie]

Welcome to the forum, Thriver. We share a similar tale. I claimed my family traitor status in the 60s and it has been a long, strange trip ever since. I am currently in a maintenance phase of the journey. My life is currently stable and ful-filling. With the help of my support network, I feel like I have an honest shot at keeping it on track. Knock wood...

Early on, I chickened out on allot of my therapy appointments, too. I had to push myself pretty hard to get that ball rolling, but I am glad that I did. However, I am also glad I learned how to be gentle with myself during the process. Your own time will be right on time. Easy does it.

Welcome and thank you for allowing me to witness your courage to heal.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Safe? Is there such a thing? Having a heart attack is a possible reality. That's my greatest concern. Another concern...exposing a psychopath(s) is never safe. I don't see the point in reliving the hell I walked through. Flashbacks are the norm for me. Ive managed them for years. These new memories will eventually become accepted and less severe. I see a greater need in public awareness. Humanity can do better than its current state. I've been reluctant to share my experiences. People with PTSD are generally written off as damaged goods. I want to break that myth. We have a wealth of information to help others prevent the many tragedies of abuse. If only we can get people to stop turning a blind eye....that would be huge!

 

[franciemarnie]

I do feel safe sometimes. Not frequently but more than before.

If you go to a Somatic Therapist, you can release the trauma energy safely instead of having it bottled up. When its bottled up, a person can get a lot of physical pain and illness,

But safety first I always say. Therapy isn't so scary a proposition when we know we have the right not to talk about anything we are not ready to. You can think about maybe something that might be circulating in your mind at the periphery, but you don't have to detail it. You can feel and release it with the right practitioner.

It's a great freedom to know we can say No without repercussions. We have options now that we didn't have once upon a time.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Thank you Arfie,Congrats on your success. How did your family react? As a child every time I tried to seek help it caused them to become more violent. To this day I cant sit in a bathtub. I have valid concerns.

 

[Hashi]

Safe? Is there such a thing?

Yes, there is.

Therapy is never going to be easy, and it will bring out very difficult reactions. But we should always be safe enough to deal with them, and to know that we can. If you don't feel safe talking about something then I don't think you should be talking about it yet. I'm not sure about having a heart attack, but I think it could be retraumatising.

I also think you should be talking about your concerns and fears, before you talk about trauma and related feelings.

In my view, if you're genuinely concerned that talking in therapy could give you a heart attack then there's a need to do more work on skills and strategies, before you talk about it. How much have you worked on things like grounding, coping, and containment? Have you talked with your therapist about how to keep things safe when you disclose and discuss things?

Like franciemarnie, I've also found somatic therapy very helpful. I had it for a while before talk therapy, and I had it alongside talk therapy too. Either way, you need to always be working on safety.

What sort of therapist do you see?

 

[Marf]

Are you physically safe from the psychopaths? Do you still see them? Everything you say to a therapist is confidential. I guess I am confused . . .

 

[Hashi]

Me too, actually. I'm also not clear what your therapist knows so far about your trauma.

 

[DMerish]

Hey Survivor,

Not sure if I welcomed you to the forum yet, so if I didn't, here it is: Welcome!

Your mind might be swirling with thoughts around how your next T session will go. Talking about one's feelings is hard for a lot of people, PTSD or no. You're definitely not alone there.

My suggestion would be to simply let your T know you're uncomfortable talking about your feelings, but you want to work up to the point where you're able to. As suggested already, learn some grounding tools (if you haven't already) and, if necessary, start small. Very small - perhaps with trivial things that happened recently and unconnected to your trauma. You could also write a list of events around which you have feelings, and give that list to your T . . . perhaps a little later also writing what feelings you have associated with the events.

The point being your T needs to learn how you process things, how/why you stop yourself from expressing feelings: and you need to build confidence in your T that he/she is trustworthy and that you can speak about things, at least, eventually.

As for myself, in the beginning, my only aim was to make my self go to the appointment - be on time and stay the whole hour. Once there, all I could do was cry and shake . . . but little by little things changed, eventually.

Good luck to you. You are strong, and you sound motivated. So, hang in there - one step at a time. And know, most T's throughout the world are required to keep up their certification with CPR and emergency processes should anything happen.

 

[Lost Pup]

If you do not have a known cardiac problem, it seems likely your fear of heart attack is much greater than your real risk. However, if you are truly worried, perhaps consider seeking a prescription for a beta-blocker like Inderol. These drugs lessen the impact of catecholamines on your heart. They are increasingly widely prescribed for PTSD but also for stage fright, social anxiety, etc. If there is any real risk, they will protect your heart, and they will certainly make you more comfortable if you have a spike in stress.

When β-blocking drugs are given to patients through a vein or by mouth, they will block the access of catecholamines to their receptors ([DLMURL="http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/107/18/e117.full#F1"]Figure[/DLMURL]) so that the heart rate and blood pressure are reduced, and the heart will pump with less intensity. This, in turn, will reduce the oxygen needs of the heart ([DLMURL="http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/107/18/e117.full#T1"]Table[/DLMURL]). The effects of β-blockers are greatest when catecholamine levels and receptor numbers are high, as would occur during intense exercise, and are lessened when catecholamine levels are reduced, as during sleep. β-Blockers usually do not completely diminish the ability of the heart to respond to stress, but instead modify the heart’s response to stress.

from [DLMURL]http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/107/18/e117.full[/DLMURL]

 

[DMerish]

perhaps consider seeking a prescription for a beta-blocker

:tup: That's an excellent suggestion! I don't know why I didn't think of it.
I take Metoprolol daily. It works wonders for my panic attacks and tachycardia!

 

[arfie]

I am still the black sheep, Marf. Didn't even get my proper education from the prisons my family called our "Institute of Higher Learning." Here in the 21st century, I have great nieces and nephews who think the black sheep should have been listened to sooner. They are saying, "Hm-m-m..."

Stay true to your own path and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Small bytes and long chews.