Hopeless

[Angelwings]

I'm feeling hopeless. I know this is nothing new to this forum. I feel like I'm never going to get better. Every day is a struggle. Living one hour at a time is no way to live. I know I have to stay alive for my son, to pretend to be happy around him, but I really just want to lay down and cease to exist.

 

[InsideAWord]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, Secret. I'm here to listen. Are you still out of therapy and out of meds?

 

[Angelwings]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, Secret. I'm here to listen. Are you still out of therapy and out of meds?

No, I'm on my meds and still in therapy. I see my T every day except Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. We don't really even work on things. Until I get away from being triggered daily, there really is no point to trying to work on it.

 

[InsideAWord]

What do you mean that you don't work on things? If you don't mind me asking, do you talk at all in therapy or is it just a stalemate?

Until I get away from being triggered daily, there really is no point to trying to work on it.

What do you mean? What's happening when you're triggered? I would say that if you're triggered daily, then there is TOTALLY a point to work on it. Like a million points to work on it. I want you to heal, and I'm sure you want to heal.

 

[arfie]

No, feeling hopeless is nothing new in this forum. So why does every time feel like the first time when it is my turn to go through it?

May wings of hope flutter through your dreams tonight, Secret.

 

[franciemarnie]

I wonder if a change in meds would help right now. You sound seriously depressed and/or burned out.

I am not a doc but I went thru a lot of meds - the ones that picked me up made a big difference when I needed them.

The problem with that for me was I am an addict and eventually I took more than prescribed, etc., but for a while it was helpful.

Provigil, Welbutrin and Concerta were the ones that gave me a lift when I needed it when I was super bad. These were given to me at different times. I couldn't sleep on Welbutrin at all but I could with the other.

I don't want to be pushing drugs but sometimes a person needs meds to function and if you are not the addict type, maybe you could ask for a med that would give you a little lift. They didn't make me high, but I could get up in the morning.

 

[Ed Norton]

I completely understand how you feel. Words are too weak to describe these feelings. The people here on this forum understand exactly how this feels. I am learning a lot about myself through posts like yours. Try and hang in there, I know it is extremely difficult. I too have many triggers I can not even watch tv anymore. I am sorry you are suffering so much, but just remember we understand.

 

[Leanne1]

I know I have to stay alive for my son, to pretend to be happy around him, but I really just want to lay down and cease to exist.

Secret,
I too have a son. He's 4.

Last week I felt similar to what you described. Like you said, I wanted to "cease to exist"

It really scared me the power of my wanting that. I visualized it. It scared me because of how much it would hurt my son.

This week my T is teaching me "heart math" ( I think it's called that) when I feel hopelessness, I practice breathing through my heart, and concentrate on something I am grateful for. Mostly I feel gratitude for my son, and what a beautiful person he is, and I focus on my love for him.

I am surprised by what a difference this is making. A small percentage of the darkness has lifted. The little bit of light is a welcome experience.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I'm feeling hopeless. I know this is nothing new to this forum. I feel like I'm never going to get better. Every day is a struggle. Living one hour at a time is no way to live. I know I have to stay alive for my son, to pretend to be happy around him, but I really just want to lay down and cease to exist.

(((@Secret))) I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know what it's like. I know what that coffin feels like and I know what it's like to feel like you're drowning. You are starting to open up and sharing with us, more and more. I know you are being triggered.

Have you read the coping skills threads? I ask because they are really helping me. I never did them before because I didn't understand that it meant the difference between me being able to function and not. So, I just wanted to share that with you.

I'm rooting for you. Just keep coming here and tell us how you feel. No matter what, we are here for you. Always remember that. You're not alone anymore. You are safe. We are right here.