Starting Emdr In About 36 Hours

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Is there anything I should be prepared for? Of course I'm nervous, either because it might not work, or it might set off too much too fast - my brain seems to connect everything together and I am worried that thinking about one thing will lead to an explosion of everything. Because of this, my therapist has suggested we start on a smaller topic, one that I feel is the least connected to everything else and go from there. Of course I've spoken to her about this, but I wanted experiences good and bad from you all here and advice, if you have it.

If it's useful to know the topic I'll be starting with is school bullying, this is entirely separate from all things family and although severe (death-threats, physical violence and an attempt on my life at its worst), I feel that this isn't too big a deal compared to everything else. Although my therapist does think that I'm affected by it, if I am it's socially and it's a whole different ball game to anything family related.

Also what type did you use lights/ the buzzy hand things/headphones or if a combination or you tried different methods, what worked better for you?

Thanks in advance

 

[InsideAWord]

I've never had EMDR done but I'm here to offer my support. YOU ARE STRONG AND BRAVE!

 

[The Albatross]

Less is more, let the chips fall where they may and let your reaction dictate future sessions. Preparing for a first session is like shooting yourself in the foot before you begin a journey.

 

[Lucycat]

I had EMDR. Headphones - as that is simply the preferred method of my T. It is a powerful tool, but pleased don't get too hung up on it, or expect too much. Just wait and see what it brings up.

You are right to have identified a target. I am assuming you have already done the ground work? Place of safety etc? It took me several months before I actually had the headphones. Lots of preparation first.

 

[Lost Pup]

Really good advice already given -- let it be what it is on its own terms without preconception or making it into more than it is. Try to remember it is not the trauma itself but a doorway into it.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Place of safety etc?

I've been in therapy building up to it since September, apparently we've covered a lot, but it doesn't feel like it, though I don't know if it ever will. My sessions are always at best hazy of what I can remember of them. She says she thinks I'm ready for this and has worked on making the therapy room a safe place if that's what you mean, but I don't feel safe anywhere. What would ground work consist of?

Preparing for a first session is like shooting yourself in the foot before you begin a journey.

I don't think I'm planning, which is good actually - I usually like to know how everything is going to happen and be prepared and planned. I think I would like to know a little more about it, but not for prediction, just general curiosity, which, I suppose is why I want to know how it went for others. I'm definitely going for less though!

without preconception

**Eek** :confused::eek::wideeyed:

 

[Lucycat]

has worked on making the therapy room a safe place if that's what you mean,

No, not really. I mean a fictional safe place in your head that you have practiced retreating to if you feel overwhelmed. For me it was thinking about a particular beach and recalling/describing to T how the sand and sun felt, what I could see, and what the sounds around me were.

The other ground work I mean is really grounding techniques. Feeling the seat or floor beneath you etc. Looking at what is around you, answering questions about who you are and how old you are to reassure T that you are present. We discussed and practiced this too.

I am sure you will have done all these things and now I am worried that you will be worrying that something is missing. I am sure your T will have all bases covered if she has been working up to this for several months.

 

[macca]

I can only agree that establishing a place of safety in your mind is important. I would also add that if it's possible, keep the rest of that day and the following day or two as stress-free as you can, maybe do something calming and restful, or nothing at all. I went to work the following day, and that was ok, so it's not a disaster if you have to, just helps.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Ok, I'm going to work on creating as secure and safe a place in my head to retreat to which is something I have wanted to do anyway. Does it have to be an outdoors place and/or somewhere I've been in real life. I don't feel safe anywhere in reality. I've felt safe at points at my friends, but last time I was there, I was not in a good place and I felt very unsettled. This might sound a bit daft, but I was thinking if it could be anywhere, I would choose a fictitious location in a TV series I watch described thusly: "the safest place on earth, warded against any evil ever created". I can use video footage and pictures to create a stronghold in my mind filled with sensory details such as sound, light, temperature and textures etc. Plus I've no negative memories associated with it, my abuse has negative associations with most places I've ever been, either because the people involved throughout them have left me feeling unsafe pretty much everywhere.

I know that I have holes in my memory, enormous big gaps, I've even got half of one memory and I don't know what happened next, that's an issue, but not one I'm not expecting. My T said she wanted, if possible for me not to use the headphones (though if I wanted to that would be ok) so she could talk me through things, this works fine for me anyway as I can't stand the idea of not being able to hear what's going on around me.

Also thanks @macca, luckily I'm unemployed right now and have very few things I HAVE to do, I won't be doing anything I don't feel more than ok to do and if for any reason I'm suddenly not ok, I will be able to take time to myself so that should be no problem.

 

[Abstract]

Kas, I am afraid I am no use here as haven't done EMDR but am sending you a big dollop of support. It's funny as as I started reading your last post I thought of one of your games and that maybe you could find something there that would be safe. TV sounds like it will fit the job well! It helps to have an imagination with this stuff.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

one of your games

Funny thing is I love gaming but haven't been able to properly for years, getting less and less since I was for the past 4-5, even before that I wasn't able to see them all the way through. I feel a bit guilty calling myself a gamer (which I don't any more), despite my affinity for them, mostly I just disagree incredibly strongly with anyone who says that games cause violence. Around the same time I found films too intense, but TV even hours at a time of it was good. I take a little something from every show I watch, learning and growing appreciation. If I chose a gaming location, it would be all of Hyrule from the Ocarina of Time, or Macalania Forest from FFX, TV wise it would be the Boat Shed (NCIS LA), the Bunker from Supernatural, the TARDIS, the living room in Sherlock and at least another 10-20 from these and other shows, but I only need one.

 

[macca]

Kas - your plan to use the fictitious location sounds like a good one. I had a bit of trouble creating safety too, and I found that having an imaginary place was useful. I also imagined my old dog, who I travelled with, who has been dead for maybe 15 years but who I still think about a lot. I imagine her there, as she was a sweetie but was protective of me, especially if I was alone. It was like she knew I had PTSD before I did!