Don't Know If This The Right Place, Self Image What Do You Think Of Yourself?

[bell]

It is we who project that onto others, when they truly don't give a flying fig. All they see is another human being. Those closer tend to see the good qualities we sometimes don't see in ourselves.

but I have those moments when I look in the mirror and hate what I see, telling myself DUH, no wonder you're alone and unliked.

Sometimes I wonder what people see in me... when there are days when I can only see the negative.

I just slip into this especially when I'm trying to process that day

It's easy to "slip into" these things, especially when we're processing various aspects of trauma. It's easier to see the ugly bad side of our selves while we're looking at the ugly in our own lives and experiences. Does anything look brighter once you've processed things for a few days?

I'd start with the days where you just dislike yourself vs. full on hating yourself and seeing what makes those days brighter (relatively) than the others.. and then work on putting more of whatever is cheering you up in your life... although slowly. I know for me, self acceptance is something I have to work on very very slowly, so I can systemically believe in it, vs. trying to convince myself I'm full-on awesome. :)

 

[Everhopeful]

Everyone has beauty inside. I hope this doesn't sound weird or patronising, but there is a special beauty in people who have experienced brokeness - it makes them so much more real in this world of fake things we live in.

 

[nomedic1]

Have you ever hated yourself for what you have done in the past

 

[scout86]

Have you ever hated yourself for what you have done in the past

Yes, and for things I haven't done, and should have done, and have said, and not said, and should have said, or thought, or not thought..... And it's not necessarily in the past tense either.

BTW, the picture is kind of small, but the guys in the picture look fine to me!

 

[Everhopeful]

My spouse is facing similar self-hatred, shame and utter recrimination and regret for things he has done. He has taken lives in certain situations. He applied to become a mercenary once, but thankfully that plan had to be jettisoned before it even came into being. This is a terrible reality to have to live with for the rest of one's life. Nothing that can be brushed off with a "Well, you are remorseful now so that's ok". I don't know how this works on a spiritual, universal level. I don't know how atonement and redemption work. Who can give it to you? I don't know. I think this is deeply, deeply personal. I don't even think it is something that most people are equipped to deal with, from the outside looking in.

This is one of the greatest taboos, the taking of a life. Nobody looks at the circumstances as to why we become killers, though. Nobody looks at the history. In a normal, tame society, everyone is in their socially prescribed role, doing their job, raising their family, and all is well with the world. What about when a life runs amok? When a child is abused and neglected and drawn into a life of crime because he has no other hope and because he is consumed by this never-ending rage at what was done to him? What about when a country says it is ok to kill certain people, as they are subhumans? What about when people are raised on propaganda that this religious grouping is out to kill us all and we need to go to their countries to fight them so they don't win?

Nobody seems to consider this when all is said and done.

All the best Nomedic1. All I can think is, if possible, can you immerse yourself in some positive purpose as you get stronger. Maybe spend some time with a wise old person, or with innocent children. Make your life about the good from now onwards. Maybe the universal scales do eventually tip a little bit to the other side by the true intent to seek forgiveness for past wrongs.

 

[scout86]

I don't know how atonement and redemption work.

Everhopeful, in my world "atonement" is something an individual does. "Redemption" is a gift from God.

Consider this. Remorse, although painful, is also a kind of gift. It tells your husband that he knows the value of life. It tells him he has a functional conscious and that he is not truly a cold, unfeeling "killer". "Guilt and remorse" at their best, are the price we pay if we have a heart. I hope he can make peace with his past! He sounds like a person who deserves THAT at least as much as he "deserves" the guilt.

Nobody looks at the circumstances as to why we become killers, though.

"Nobody" is a big word. In truth, I think there are LOTS of people who think about this. Maybe not the average person on the street. I don't know about that. But lots of people DO think about it, especially people with a background like your husband.