Hi all, I'm new to this forum but I really just need to vent this out. So I had this wonderful boyfriend who served in Afghanistan for 9 months. We met shortly after he came back in December. We started talking and hit it off immediately. We had everything in common and he took me on the most fun dates ever. Everything was so perfect and I could tell we really liked each other. We started making plans for the future and spent everyday together because we couldn't stand to be apart.
....till the other week he had to go in for a checkup where they did all these tests. The dr told him he had traumatic brain injuries still healing and that he had PTSD and would most likely be deaf by age 35 (hes 20 right now) All this news really upset him. I immediately told him it was going to be ok and that I was here for him no matter what. He kept saying how it wasn't going to be ok and was very upset by all of this. I felt very bad for him but i figured this was something we would work through. I knew he had some issues but I didn't think i was bad. I noticed him zone out a few times but I could always bring him back. He always thought it was amazing the way I could calm him down without even trying and even took the nightmares away when we would sleep next to each other. I was so stupid to think that this would be the same.
He began ignoring me and would not answer any of my texts for phone calls. He had told me he needed space to think so I gave it to him but the silence was becoming unbearable because I didn't no if we were together still or what he was thinking or even if he was ok! so sent him a text just letting him no that I was still here and he could talk to me about anything but I still never got a reply. Finally I got so frustrated one because I did not at the time understand his condition I mean if he was ok to go to work and be on Facebook why couldn't he answer a text message and let his girlfriend know what was going on. I was becoming a wreck I just needed so badly to hear from him that we were ok I could not sleep eat or calm down so I texted him saying that if he did not answer me then I was going to stop by his work to talk.
He did not reply so I showed up at his work. Normally I would do this kind of thing but I needed to see him, I needed to know what was going on. I parked next to his car and waited for him to come out. He works at an oil changing place so I could see him behind the clear garage doors. I saw him talking to his friends that he works with and I figured they were getting ready to close up the shop. He knew I was sitting there waiting to talk. I figured when he walked out to his car I would get out and just calmly ask what was up. His friend came outside with his keys and got in my boyfriends car and pulled it into the garage. I didn't understand why they just did that I was but then it hit me...my boyfiend did not want to see me...he did not want to talk to me... I don't even know if he wanted to know me anymore. I watched as he then got into the car and drove off in the opposite direction never speaking a word to me.
All I wanted was and answers but I got none. My friend was with me the whole time so she knew what had happened and was so mad at him for doing this to me. The boy I knew was the kindest most helpful person you could ever meet. He was always helping people with favors and everyone that ever knew him would describe him and his family as a very nice boy so for him to act this way towards me was extremely out of character. I was shocked to revive this kind of treatment. I thought military men were supposed to be honorable, smart, and brave but I all I saw was a boy who did not care that he just hurt the girl would would have given him anything. I was so upset I broke down and cried for an hour in my car unable to move shocked that he had just done that to me.
I had just watched the boy I loved and the relationship that kept me happy crumble right in front of me and there was not a damn thing I could do. Why couldn't he at least say goodbye or tell me to leave him alone that he needed more time and space? Why could he act completely normal at work then be so harsh to me? I mean I knew he had PTSD but he was just diagnosed with it how could all this happen so fast? It was like one night he was my loving caring boyfriend and over night he turned into this cold hearted man that hated me and did not care how I felt. I just cant understand how you can just walk away like that and not even look back.
I did not ever overwhelm or suffocate him all I did was tell him we needed to talk after not hearing a single word from him for days. I did warn him that I would stop by him work if he didn't answer so if he didn't want me to go there all he had to do was text me saying not to or tell me that he needed another week of space....why did he go to extreme of not saying goodbye. Now I have no closure.
After reading all about PTSD and how if affects people I understand why he was acting the was he was but he completely shut me out and cut me off when he needs me the most and now I cant even be there for him. All I want to do is help him get through this and now I cant and its killing me I miss him every second and I wonder if hes ok. Do you even thing he misses me or thinks about me? Do you think his feelings for me were fake? Will he ever come back or contact me again?
I know that he is starting treatment but I'm not sure how long it will take him to feel like himself again. I'm just so crushed by all of this and I feel so bad that he has to go through this journey alone. Every day I ask myself if there is something else I could have done...maybe if I wouldn't had showed up at his work...but then he would have just kept ignoring me for more weeks. Driving away from me like that was his way of breaking up with me I guess. My friend that was with me sent him an angry text asking why he couldn't at least say goodbye to me to which he reply saying that he is not a nice person and that he feels vulnerable when he starts to care for people.
I'm at a loss here I don't no what I should do. Should I reach out to him? I love him so much and I want to be there for him.. I understand that he was not in his right state of mind when he left me like that. Do you think he forgot about me? Do you think he regrets leaving me? Do you think he still cares about me? Do you think he will ever try to talk to me? He blocked me on Facebook and I'm not sure why any of this had to happen to me...to us. We were so happy and ready to have a future together then over night I watched as it crumbled.
I had been through quite a few breakups before but never like this. It's a different kind of heartbreak...the kind that chocolate and happy music doesn't cure. Its a sense of helplessness and hopelessness at the same time. I am sad and confused and there is no one around me that can even relate to this situation which is why I had to turn to the internet for help. I have read may stories of others who had been abruptly left by loved ones suffering from PTSD all breakups seem to fallow the same pattern... all are very impersonal and random.
I just wish there was something I could do for him and I wish that I could get the answers I am searching for. I am very sorry that this is so long and probably very girly but to whoever reads this and gives me advice thank you so much it means a lot to me to know that other people understand what I am going through and could possibly give me some hope or answers that I am looking for. I am not sure if I should move on and forget him or hope that once he gets the help he needs he will return. If he does return I know that I am ready to stand next to him through this all I am it for the long run. He means so much to me and I don't want him to lose the memories we shared.
....till the other week he had to go in for a checkup where they did all these tests. The dr told him he had traumatic brain injuries still healing and that he had PTSD and would most likely be deaf by age 35 (hes 20 right now) All this news really upset him. I immediately told him it was going to be ok and that I was here for him no matter what. He kept saying how it wasn't going to be ok and was very upset by all of this. I felt very bad for him but i figured this was something we would work through. I knew he had some issues but I didn't think i was bad. I noticed him zone out a few times but I could always bring him back. He always thought it was amazing the way I could calm him down without even trying and even took the nightmares away when we would sleep next to each other. I was so stupid to think that this would be the same.
He began ignoring me and would not answer any of my texts for phone calls. He had told me he needed space to think so I gave it to him but the silence was becoming unbearable because I didn't no if we were together still or what he was thinking or even if he was ok! so sent him a text just letting him no that I was still here and he could talk to me about anything but I still never got a reply. Finally I got so frustrated one because I did not at the time understand his condition I mean if he was ok to go to work and be on Facebook why couldn't he answer a text message and let his girlfriend know what was going on. I was becoming a wreck I just needed so badly to hear from him that we were ok I could not sleep eat or calm down so I texted him saying that if he did not answer me then I was going to stop by his work to talk.
He did not reply so I showed up at his work. Normally I would do this kind of thing but I needed to see him, I needed to know what was going on. I parked next to his car and waited for him to come out. He works at an oil changing place so I could see him behind the clear garage doors. I saw him talking to his friends that he works with and I figured they were getting ready to close up the shop. He knew I was sitting there waiting to talk. I figured when he walked out to his car I would get out and just calmly ask what was up. His friend came outside with his keys and got in my boyfriends car and pulled it into the garage. I didn't understand why they just did that I was but then it hit me...my boyfiend did not want to see me...he did not want to talk to me... I don't even know if he wanted to know me anymore. I watched as he then got into the car and drove off in the opposite direction never speaking a word to me.
All I wanted was and answers but I got none. My friend was with me the whole time so she knew what had happened and was so mad at him for doing this to me. The boy I knew was the kindest most helpful person you could ever meet. He was always helping people with favors and everyone that ever knew him would describe him and his family as a very nice boy so for him to act this way towards me was extremely out of character. I was shocked to revive this kind of treatment. I thought military men were supposed to be honorable, smart, and brave but I all I saw was a boy who did not care that he just hurt the girl would would have given him anything. I was so upset I broke down and cried for an hour in my car unable to move shocked that he had just done that to me.
I had just watched the boy I loved and the relationship that kept me happy crumble right in front of me and there was not a damn thing I could do. Why couldn't he at least say goodbye or tell me to leave him alone that he needed more time and space? Why could he act completely normal at work then be so harsh to me? I mean I knew he had PTSD but he was just diagnosed with it how could all this happen so fast? It was like one night he was my loving caring boyfriend and over night he turned into this cold hearted man that hated me and did not care how I felt. I just cant understand how you can just walk away like that and not even look back.
I did not ever overwhelm or suffocate him all I did was tell him we needed to talk after not hearing a single word from him for days. I did warn him that I would stop by him work if he didn't answer so if he didn't want me to go there all he had to do was text me saying not to or tell me that he needed another week of space....why did he go to extreme of not saying goodbye. Now I have no closure.
After reading all about PTSD and how if affects people I understand why he was acting the was he was but he completely shut me out and cut me off when he needs me the most and now I cant even be there for him. All I want to do is help him get through this and now I cant and its killing me I miss him every second and I wonder if hes ok. Do you even thing he misses me or thinks about me? Do you think his feelings for me were fake? Will he ever come back or contact me again?
I know that he is starting treatment but I'm not sure how long it will take him to feel like himself again. I'm just so crushed by all of this and I feel so bad that he has to go through this journey alone. Every day I ask myself if there is something else I could have done...maybe if I wouldn't had showed up at his work...but then he would have just kept ignoring me for more weeks. Driving away from me like that was his way of breaking up with me I guess. My friend that was with me sent him an angry text asking why he couldn't at least say goodbye to me to which he reply saying that he is not a nice person and that he feels vulnerable when he starts to care for people.
I'm at a loss here I don't no what I should do. Should I reach out to him? I love him so much and I want to be there for him.. I understand that he was not in his right state of mind when he left me like that. Do you think he forgot about me? Do you think he regrets leaving me? Do you think he still cares about me? Do you think he will ever try to talk to me? He blocked me on Facebook and I'm not sure why any of this had to happen to me...to us. We were so happy and ready to have a future together then over night I watched as it crumbled.
I had been through quite a few breakups before but never like this. It's a different kind of heartbreak...the kind that chocolate and happy music doesn't cure. Its a sense of helplessness and hopelessness at the same time. I am sad and confused and there is no one around me that can even relate to this situation which is why I had to turn to the internet for help. I have read may stories of others who had been abruptly left by loved ones suffering from PTSD all breakups seem to fallow the same pattern... all are very impersonal and random.
I just wish there was something I could do for him and I wish that I could get the answers I am searching for. I am very sorry that this is so long and probably very girly but to whoever reads this and gives me advice thank you so much it means a lot to me to know that other people understand what I am going through and could possibly give me some hope or answers that I am looking for. I am not sure if I should move on and forget him or hope that once he gets the help he needs he will return. If he does return I know that I am ready to stand next to him through this all I am it for the long run. He means so much to me and I don't want him to lose the memories we shared.
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