What Do The Concepts Of 'family' Or 'home' Mean To You? Are They Different Because Of Ptsd?

[Barconian]

My family is not inclined to make things easier for me

Are you the strong one in the family, Drew (excluding your PTSD) ?

 

[Tinyflame]

are you the strong one in the family, Drew (excluding your PTSD) ?

I know this is for Drew (she probably needs a tag?), but what does (or 'how') can one be 'excluded of their ptsd', when it so often permeates or influences or even dictates so much- reactions, feelings, capabilities, ultimately choices? Maybe I have no family because I am the one not capable. :( Not the first time I've thought of it. Perhaps don't deserve it but also maybe am not capable, does others a dis-service?

 

[Barconian]

I know this is for Drew (she probably needs a tag?), but what does (or 'how') can one be 'excluded of their ptsd', when it so often permeates or influences or even dictates so much- reactions, feelings, capabilities, ultimately choices?

Whether we have PTSD or not (I hope I say this right), we have an inner strength within our make up... My sister in law has a family of of five siblings and her parents. All of them go to my sister in law for advice, a hand out or to vent to. My sister in law has her own emotional issues and finds her family very draining upon her. So in her family, she is the strong one, even if she does have her own problems. Even with my PTSD at the time, people would keep coming to me for advice, a hand out, or to vent to. I found it tremendously hard to help these people, but didn't know how to stop myself from doing so, which caused me more grief than good. The people that came to me, saw me as the strong one even though I was riddled with my own issues and even though I felt emotionally weaker than those others, I was still a lot stronger than they.

That's the best I can explain @Junebug :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Barconian , I understand when you put it that way.

I've just thought it a testimony to hiding (the ptsd) well.

 

[DMerish]

@Barconian - Yes, I am the strong one in my family, not only there but among friends too. My true first name begins with R - folks jokingly call me R the Rock. I'm also very independent and quite a bit determined/assertive when I need to be, for a woman. From the outside, therefore, folks assume I've "got it all together" - I can handle just about anything. Because of the outer shell, it takes a lot of effort for me to relax and let someone see and touch my insides, or for someone to persistently chip away at the shell. :rolleyes:

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually, I was thinking that any concept doesn't have to have a pre-conceived notion (as tempting as that is, and as natural going by our past).

It's strange, all of the threads I've ever personally posted revolve around the same problem, whether it's the past interfering with or coloring the present, feeling burdensome, or self-hatred, etc.

I feel really worn out. I think it's from giving the past a place in the present it shouldn't warrant, trying to fix it. I realize I don't have all the knowledge or the intellect or the answers to solve the repercussions or how I feel or the assaults and complications of past memories. But I think one of the most useful and practical ways will be to follow what I always believed, one day I'll know the questions 'and' the answers.

We all bring hurts forward, best to begin a new. Find what the definitions mean, or just trust one day I (we) will have a new understanding or fulfillment or peace. Maybe different, maybe with certain accomodations, but maybe right for us.

 

[Viosinger]

I grew up with the idea of family being any loved friends/family around. I'm since less eager to categorize people as "family" because I struggle so much with family history.

As soon as I moved out of my parents house, I chose to start calling wherever I'm living home... But the feeling of "home" is a pretty abstract, fleeting thing for me that I find more often around bonfires, walking in the woods, sunrises, lakes, a good jam session....

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Viosinger , that's exactly along the line of what I meant, and perhaps you've explained some of it- the association or 'feeling' or meaning.

Not a great example (but I'm too tired to think of another), but like 'Christmas dinner'. At one time I had one connotation, at another it didn't matter at all, or I would outright hope to avoid it. But now it could be any food, but an 'internal state', of feelings/ thoughts etc along with it.

I was thinking of the same idea, I've always admired people with great courage, like I heard of a dancer that lost both legs. Or a young woman (an immigrant) I saw with her children, she appeared happy/ positive. Even if it was only for their sake (and not necessarily), she still was. So I was thinking maybe having this (ptsd) is a bit the same, even if it's invisible. There is no disparity, in acknowledging and feeling one way, but living more happily/ courageously.

I am trying now, when words (or concepts, etc) are triggers, to just know that that is because the past twists it. I like the thought of new meanings to home, family etc, because maybe as you said it actually increases the enjoyment and opportunities where they are found, (or not limited to). :)

 

[Tinyflame]

I read an article today that there is a societal view of those poor, weak or different as 'leftovers', and the feeling of feeling guilty for existing and not having a place in the world leaves one (amongst other things) feeling alone. I guess that's part of where the concepts of family and home may feel different or not easily atainable with ptsd.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think the concepts of (a) home or feeling 'like' a family need to have a sense of the possibility or probability of safety there or within them.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think 'home' (in the positive sense of the word) is where there is no fear.

Sometimes fear is obviously founded while other times I think the ptsd causes the feeling internally (from inside out). I think ptsd also tells lies, especially as regards the 'bigger picture', self-concept, & the future.

I think I have some responsibility to risk allowing anywhere to feel like 'home'.

 

[Tinyflame]

I still don't understand what 'family' is or means, but I was thinking it's hard to feel like 'home' when we feel an anxiety to flee.