Discussing Ptsd With My Dad

[BeatenMan]

This one struck a major nerve with me. Not only did I suffer the trauma, I had all my super christian family making it my fault because I couldnt pray it away. "There has to be some sin in your life or lack of faith". So in essence, I had the trauma, then the family against me and then according to them God against me. It was to much for me to take. I know they are wrong now but in the confusion I bought into it. Your doing good StongerNow, Keep it up.

 

[HelenB]

I am sorry to hear how hard you found this conversation and the things it brought up for you.

I am also a Christian and know that I find it so hard when people do not understand why it takes so long for healing, but know that as I have been able to be honest with more people that they have been able to understand more and know for myself that it has been a gradual process of gently allowing God into all the areas where I hurt so much, and that just simply bringing it all to Him and then it being over wasn't an option. For me it has been about gradually learning to trust more and more and break down all the defences, which I put up around myself trying to protect myself from it all, but do know that with God as I have been able to feed in and learn more safety, He had been able to help me through it, and I do know that for me it is God who is walking through with me and leading me through into my healing.

I do not know if any of you will be interested but a book I have found very helpful within my journey of bringing God into all the memories and my walk and journey with God has been a book called "Sarah" published by sovereign world books, about one lady and her journey towards healing through the International ministry Ellel ministries. Far from expecting her to just be able to have faith and get through and be instantly healed, they recognised how much of a journey it was for her and really supported her through it all, and I know that the ministry and understanding I have also had from Ellel ministries has been such a major part of my healing and that they really have understood and helped me work through all the effects of the trauma.

@radicalgratitude I also hear your comments about Mercy Ministries and the things you have heard about them, but also know someone who has just completed six months there, and from everything that she had said and experienced they do seem to have been able to understand and work through a lot of the trauma with her very well. She does still have a lot to work through, but is not in any way in a place where she feels it is not ok to still be working through these issues, and the most major things she seems to have got from it is that she has come to a place where she really does know God is there and journeying it with her and that she has been able to come to a much better place in what she feels like about herself, which has helped her massively with a lot of problems which she had and eating disorder which she was not well with at all, and having come to that place is in so much of a better place to continue to work through and deal with all the rest of the effects of the trauma in her. I appreciate it is very different for everyone and that for others it may not be the right way at all, and know for me that the gradual working through with Ellel has been much more beneficial but do think it had its place and that they do appear to have a decent amount of understanding within it all too.

I really hope for you that as you say you are a Christian you can also find and know that God is with you the whole way through your journey, and that He really does understand and will lead you through it all.

God bless
Helen

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Well to be honest it's posts (and replies) like this/these that make those of us who have found healing through our spirituality keep our mouths shut----you never referred to other issues with your father & I'm not a mind reader. I responded based on what I read, and I have a feeling that more than one of the responses was based on the responders own issues with spirituality rather than what you actually said in your first post.

In response to the replies~
I think it's very sad that the power of god & spirituality is discounted---the sentiment that it's crap that someone was healed or found healing through God simply because *I* haven't personally experienced the same----is flawed thinking. We all heal in different ways, and the instant that you close off yourself to any given modality of healing, you're doing yourself a disservice. (I could say this about any path to healing---actually, I know I have in the past.)

((((@Solara)))) You don't have to keep your mouth shut, not ever. I have posted on here about my father before. I know you're not a mind reader. I totally understand that. That's why I informed you in my post.

Also, I know you said, "In response to the replies", but I'm going to respond to that. I hope you know that I am by no means discounting the power of God or spirituality of any kind. I absolutely believe that God can heal.

It wasn't about that though. It's about a girl who wants her father to validate her experience, but instead, he spiritualizes everything. Sometimes, I just wish he would be like, "Oh, you're hurting. What's going on? Is there anything I can do? Can I pray for you?" Know what I mean? My father had a stroke last year and got into a motorcycle accident. He was so beaten down and defeated. I drove 2 hours to help him out, I cleaned his house, I prayed with him, and I helped out his wife do a lot of things.

I know it's not about getting something in return, but he is my father! There are a lot of Christians who blame the victim and my father is definitely one of them. I don't hate him. It just upsets me.

Please know that I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. I'm so sorry that I did.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

To Everyone, I'm so sorry I brought up this issue. I didn't mean to cause any contention here.

I love God so much. I cry a lot about PTSD. I'm working so hard to get back out there again. I see how it has taken away my ability to see the hurting, help them and pray for them. I used to do that so much. Doing that is what led to my trauma of 2008-2011. When PTSD took over, I was so afraid of ever doing those things ever again because of my experience.

I had a man claim to be a Christian and then... well, I won't get into that... I just cry a lot because all the things that God asks me to do, I just can't right now, but I'm working toward it every day. And my father tells me that too, that I must have sin in my life when I'm feeling depressed, etc.

I'm sorry.

 

[Loner]

I'm going to offer an alternate perspective. PTSD can be healed, with time effort and the right attitude eventually you can get to a point where your symptoms are below the threshold to meet the criteria for a diagnosis. My childhood is still a huge part of who I have become but my these days my actual symptoms of PTSD are low enough I probably wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria. I have no belief in a higher power, but if I did, I would probably feel that God healed me. I don't, so I just think that time love and perseverance have. I see the attribution to God to be largely irrelevant in this conversation.

It seems your dad validated and empathized with you, acknowledging that you do in fact have PTSD, that its a real thing, that he can relate to how much it sucks, and doesn't view you as weak or anything because of it. Thats a lot nicer conversation than a lot of people have when they open up about having PTSD to others.

 

[Hashi]

I like what @Loner said.

I knew it. I just knew it but I thought maybe he wouldn't spiritualize even this

So you knew it, and it was exactly as you knew it would be...

Why not just chalk this down to experience? Seriously, why not? For your own sake?

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Wait. What my dad said about how he doesn't have PTSD anymore, that implies that there is a cure. I thought there is not?

That's what upset me more than the God comment. How did we get here?

Well, it looks as though I let it get taken there. I apologize.

I wish I had never posted this.

@Hashi, you're right. Chalking it down to experience.

Also, there is a deeper thing with my father. He took off my diapers when I was not even two years old and beat me black and blue with a fly swatter. Also, he would make me come in the living room when nobody was home to exorcise demons out of me, telling me that there was evil in me. He is the reason I got passed around from foster home to foster home up until I was 5 years old. I suppose I should've mentioned that with my initial post. I guess I did not realize it would be important.

I am not upset when my other Christian friends say things about healing and God. It upsets me when he says it.

Well, at least I learned something out of this.

 

[HelenB]

You do not need to be sorry to have brought this topic up. You did not feel validated by the way your dad responded and I can understand the pain you would feel in this. I have had many people, Christians and non-Christians alike, who have not been able to understand and said things to me about being able to get over it and get on with other things and forget about the past, and though I know they really do care, it has been hard, and I know that for me within my journey of healing it has been so important to also allow myself to get the support from those who do understand and can support me and allow my feelings to be validated through it.

I do also agree that PTSD can be healed, but know it is about building up trust again when you have been so broken and am praying for you within it to really know that you can find this safety in God, and that He does care so much for everything you are feeling and going through, to the extent that He really is prepared to take it all fully on Himself.

I once had a true story shared with me about a group of hostages who were huddled together and totally terrified, and a group of soldiers came in to rescue them. They were all still so scared and none of them would get up and follow the soldiers, and then one of them recognising their fear, put down his gun, put down his defences, and went and joined them in the group in the huddle. From this place when they could really relate to him and see that he was really there for them and did understand, they were able to build up that trust in him and did get up and follow him to the safety and freedom they needed so much. In this I see so much of Jesus and the fact that He understands and really does come to be with us in the middle of everything we go through. He understands totally why it is a journey and process to be able to learn to trust Him and come through and bring everything to Him, but I do believe more and more that as we do this, we do find more freedom in Him, and do know that He does totally understand all of where we are coming from and why we find it so hard, and really do know that He does see so much what your heart is and that you do love Him so much and do know that you can totally find safety in Him, and that He will lead you more and more into that day by day, and that in reality the only important thing is the place we are at in Him and that we are there with Him, and that wherever we are on the journey that is all that matters, as when He leads us, He will bring us through it all.

I hope that helps you a bit and hope you do not mind me going on so much, but kind of had all those thoughts in my head as I was reading and am praying you really can know that your heavenly father does totally understand and does not see you as bad and a sinner because you are still struggling so much with these issues, but really does feel all your pain and that it really does hurt Him so much to see you going through all the things you are going through.

God Bless
Helen

 

[HelenB]

I just read your last post after I had posted my last one. I am so sorry that your exerience of your dad was as it was. I do totally believe that there can be healing for PTSD, though the reality of the events which happened can never be taken away, but do not believe your dad has got it right and am so sorry for the spiritual abuse which you also suffered, as I know this is not at all the way our heavenly father would want you to have been treated at all, and that He really is gentle and compassionate and really is so so safe. Praying that you can really know this deep in your spirit and find the healing and safety which you so so deserve.

God Bless
Helen

 

[Loner]

I am sorry about your relationship with your father stronger now. I actually have a very similar story about my fathers rage at trying to toilet train me. Things at that young of an age are so hard to deal with and mess you up on such a fundamental level. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

PTSD IS curable though, in a certain sense. It never fully disappears, but it can go away enough that the remaining symptoms would not be classified as PTSD iby the diagnostic definition of PTSD. Basically it will always be there to some extent, but it can go away enough that it is hardly there.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

My father doesn't know that I remember that stuff. I've kept it inside all these years. My mom remembers and my sister because I told them. I used to refer to the bad things, as a little girl, I called them "my birdies". I remember when he was beating me. We were on a bed and there was a window above his head to the right. I saw the sky. There were birds flying and the sky was so beautiful!

I did not see my father ever again until I was 19 years old and I found him. I found his sister first. She said she couldn't give me his number, that she had to ask his permission first. When he first called me the first few times, he called on a blocked number and hung up when I said hello. When he finally said hello back, I asked him why he calls me from a private number. He said it was because he wasn't sure if I would be a vengeful kid or not.

I really didn't understand that, but from movies I saw, I thought it meant because he wasn't ever around. When I had my first meeting with him, he said, "I've learned with my new family that when I hit them with my hand, if my hand hurts, I've hit too hard. You know, I was very young back then."

I didn't realize it at the time until years later that he was feeling me out. He was trying to see if I remembered.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

@Loner That gives me so much hope. I did not know that about the diagnostic criteria. Thanks for telling me that and thanks for sharing about your childhood with me.