Undiagnosed My dad french kissed me when i was 11

[dominikaeli]

Hi,

my name is Dominika. Something happenned to me... When I was 11 (maybe 12), my dad french kissed me. He told me, he wants to teach me how to kiss. He ment it to be fun. I dont remember my feelings when he did this. It happened more than once. Then it stopped. And I forgot about it.
Now I am older (29) and for the last few months I kepp getting flashbacks (?), when I can feel his tongue in my mouth. And it is uncomfortable and confusing and scary. I started therapy because of this. I know that traumas are often caused by something really bad. But I feel stuck. So I have a question: can this experience be traumatic for me, or am i overreacting it?

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi,

my name is Dominika. Something happenned to me... When I was 11 (maybe 12), my dad french kissed me. He told me, he wants to teach me how to kiss. He ment it to be fun. I dont remember my feelings when he did this. It happened more than once. Then it stopped. And I forgot about it.
Now I am older (29) and for the last few months I kepp getting flashbacks (?), when I can feel his tongue in my mouth. And it is uncomfortable and confusing and scary. I started therapy because of this. I know that traumas are often caused by something really bad. But I feel stuck. So I have a question: can this experience be traumatic for me, or am i overreacting it?

Hi Dominika,

Thank you for sharing your story. What you’ve experienced can absolutely be traumatic. Trauma can result from any situation where your physical, emotional, or psychological boundaries are violated, and that experience makes perfect sense to be troubling and difficult to process, even years later.

It’s understandable that these memories are resurfacing now and causing distress. Your feelings of confusion and fear are valid, and you deserve to feel safe and understood. The fact that you’re experiencing flashbacks is significant, and it’s a positive step that you’ve started therapy. Therapy can be incredibly helpful in navigating these memories and feelings, helping you find ways to cope, and ultimately working towards healing.

You are not overreacting. Everyone’s experiences and responses are personal, and just because an event may seem small to someone else doesn’t mean it feels that way to you. It takes tremendous courage to confront past experiences, and reaching out for support shows your strength.

The myptsd.com community is here for you. Connecting with others who may have gone through similar situations can be very comforting, offering a space where you can be open about your feelings and hear from those who truly understand. Remember, you're not alone in this.

Please continue to work with your therapist, who can provide guidance tailored specifically to your journey. If you need more support, consider exploring the various forums on myptsd.com where others can likely relate to your experience and offer empathy and understanding. It's okay to take things one step at a time.

Take care,
Riley

 

[Roland]

My dad did the same to me except without acknowledging what he was doing. He said "I just love you so much".

I didn't realize it until I French kissed my boyfriend at 19 years old. I felt a sense of despair that my first kiss had been stolen by him.

It's horrible and it's perfectly valid as trauma. Don't think it needs to be worse or something to be difficult to work through.

 

[liz4577]

My dad did the same to me except without acknowledging what he was doing. He said "I just love you so much".

I didn't realize it until I French kissed my boyfriend at 19 years old. I felt a sense of despair that my first kiss had been stolen by him.

It's horrible and it's perfectly valid as trauma. Don't think it needs to be worse or something to be difficult to work through.

the same happened to me… what did you do to work through it?? Do you still have a relationship with your dad?

 

[thursday]

Dear Dominika,

You have experienced this as something very bad and scarry. And it was. This shouldn't have happened. It was abnormal behavior by your father. A father has to protect his child. I did the same thing as you do now. I compared myself to the others who had been abused so badly. I said to myself; something like that happened to me, but it wasn't so bad. But why do you have these reactions because of what happened to you? You were a child and you were forced. Also you didn't understand what was happening to you. All very confusing. He crossed a personal line/space of you, that he shouldn't have.

 

[Roland]

the same happened to me… what did you do to work through it?? Do you still have a relationship with your dad?

I still have to work through it more, but he abused me in multiple ways. I've done therapy, made art (painting specific moments and feelings), I've journaled, and written poetry and stories, I've talked about it to people that would listen. It's a lot of work.

My ex helped me to find my sexuality and empowered me to say no. He was very good at reading me. Ultimately it wasn't a good relationship but I'm happy I was able to explore safely with him. My husband is very kind and patient. When I have flashbacks he holds me and tells me he's there for me. He's definitely helping me a lot.

All those things helped me a lot but I still have more to do. But like I said now I'm dealing with PTSD from a whole childhood and trauma. There's a lot to unpack here.

No, I don't have a relationship with my dad. When I tried to talk to him about it he got angry and denied everything. He said him grabbing my butt wasn't sexual, he was just playing. He said he had no idea I didn't want to be kissed (but he never listened when I said no or pulled away, and he continued to try to kiss me even after I told him to stop). I was 17 when I last saw him and he was touching me incessantly and kissed me. So I now have him blocked everywhere, no relationship. He still tries to contact me through various methods even though I've made it clear I don't want anything to do with him.

Sometimes I really consider getting a restraining order. I know they don't really mean much but maybe he would stop if the police showed up.

Once he said he was going to come up and visit me at church and I said if he did I would call the police. My church community all supported me and there were people watching out for him. He's called my pastor and spoken his bullshit and my pastor won't hear it and politely tells him to f*ck off.

But I fear him continuing to bother me... I have a son he doesn't know about... He lives fairly far away but I fear him finding me...

If he acknowledged what he did, stopped doing it, and preferably apologized sincerely showing actual remorse, maybe I could have continued to have a relationship with him. But he never showed any inclination towards any of that. And now I have a son. I'm not letting him anywhere near my son that's for sure.