Tomorrow Is Here, But Today I'm Floating

[Echo]

He can't get you in your flat, @mytai; you are safe there. Chelsea is with you. Can you keep telling the scared parts of you that you have done everything to make yourself safe at home? That you will not let anything bad happen to you. That help is a phone call away. The police are on your side now, mytai. They will sort him out this time. They know what a devious, vile person he is and they will take pleasure in nailing him with you. When do you next have to go into work or outside? Are you having to walk Chelsea or could a dog walker do that for you? Keep talking to people here and on the crisis line. Hope it helps seeing your therapist today, too; I'm sure it will.

 

[mytai]

I just got a phone call from the police. Yesterday I gave my report to uniformed officers, and then they were going to pass it along to the sexual assault unit. An officer from the sexual assault unit called me to give me his information and contact number, and also to give me a heads up that because the assaults happened in a different city that he would need to contact that police department. He asked if I had any fears about that or problems with it. He said they may still get him (the SA officer in my city) to help collect evidence for them, and they could also travel to me so I don't have to go to the city where my great-uncle lives. He said he will call me once he gets in touch with the local police there.

@Echo, I need to go outside in the next hour or so to walk Chelsea. Then I need to go out again to see my therapist in the afternoon, and then to take Chelsea to training after that.

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so anxious and stressed.

 

[digger]

Will the police tell you when your great-uncle has been informed of the charges. I don't know how it works, but while they're still looking at the evidence and deciding whether there is a case that they can bring against him, they may not inform him yet? In which case, until that time that they do, he will be unaware and so you are 'safe'.

 

[HelenB]

You are doing so well and I really hope you can feed that so much into the parts of you which feel so anxious and stressed. It is right that you are now doing so much to make sure this is not going to happen any more, but under it all is so natural that you would be feeling anxious, stressed and scared. I really hope you can find a safe place within yourself and be able to feed those truths in even more, and hope that being with Chelsea and then your therapist will really help you in this.

God bless
Helen

 

[mytai]

@digger1, I don't know if they will. But when the officer calls back to say he spoke to the local police I will ask if they can.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I think @digger1 is right. Your Great Uncle does not yet know anything about it. Today you are as safe as you were before reporting. The police are apparently going to try to keep you informed. Were you able to tell them about your fears in this respect? It would be very frustrating if this police department's report and evidence gathering wasn't sufficient, BUT I think far more likely is that, having dismissed you before when you were in your uncle's state, the other police department are going to have a hard time even thinking about dismissing what your police department are saying. You don't have to do the persuading anymore. I also think they might well take one look at him and arrest him anyway. To be very graphic, which I hope you don't mind, if his bodily fluids were found in his Great Niece's body, surely there is absolutely no legitimate reason for them being there. But I don't understand your legal system, of course, but I don't think that would be considered ok in any legal jurisdiction. And you've given good evidence.

Maybe when your wider family learn about this, if they do, the other family members to whom this also happened, will finally have the courage to join you in speaking up.

I am in a similar state emotionally to you, so can only share what I'm doing. I've switched off all phones; I'm not looking at e-mail; I'm just doing everything I can to stay present - doing all my grounding techniques one after the other, and taking it very slow. It is very tiring, but sleeping is not really where it's at at the moment. Just do what you need to do to get through the next half-hour, one step at a time. Keep breathing deeply from your diaphragm; listen to really relaxing music (I'm listening to OM chants on Youtube - not my usual thing, but it works to regulate my heart beat a little). You can do it, mytai.

 

[digger]

when the officer calls back

I would definitely ask for some clarification on it because at the moment I would think that your uncle doesn't know. It might help you to relax a bit if you know one way or the other for sure xx

 

[mytai]

I had a longer session with my T today, I booked it that way on purpose in case I was really struggling.

She was surprised that they wouldn't issue me a restraining order, so she actually called a contact of hers to ask about protocol around that. They confirmed what the Justice of the Peace told me, that they won't issue one when an investigation is active. She had asked me to email her the contact information for the sexual assault detective that contacted me today. (He called back and said they should notify me before my uncle is contacted). I ended up emailing her after to give her the information she had asked for about the detectives. I asked her what happened during our session because I got home with a horrible headache and a goose egg on my head, and my neck was raw.

She told me that I really dissociated during the session, and that I had gotten dizzy and must have fallen over. She said she was getting water for me so she didn't see it, but thinks I might have hit my head. I told her how I wasn't doing ok.

I feel like I'm constantly in a state of panic. I feel like I'm seeing my great-uncle in anyone who slightly resembles him. I'm torn between not feeling safe in my apartment, but not wanting to ever step outside again because I'm scared of running into him. I've never been this upset and scared for my safety before. I don't normally see him in everyone who has features like he does. I'm not equipped to handle this.

I wasn't prepared to feel like this after. I didn't think it would feel this bad. The Justice of the Peace laughed at me when I stood in front of him requesting the restraining order. Being laughed at really screwed with my head. How can I expect the police to help me when a Justice of the Peace laughs at me? I feel so incredibly stupid for even thinking this would change anything. I'm just a joke to them, a big joke. My whole situation is funny in their eyes, and what they think matters because they are the ones in charge of stopping him.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, seems like that JP laughed at you because he needs to feel superior to people, which makes him inadequate as a person. But the police aren't laughing at you. They're taking it seriously aren't they. I'm glad you know that they'll let you know before contacting your uncle. I wish they could also let you know how long it is likely to be before they contact him. You could then perhaps arrange to go away for a break or to a safe house.

I am so sorry you ended up so unwell in your session with your therapist. That must hurt and be scary for you. What does she propose to do to help you through this? I think you're not going to feel the relief you want until you know your uncle has been arrested. I hope she can help you fast with all of this. Is seeing his face everywhere a form of hypervigilance I wonder? Can you have more frequent sessions with your T? This is such a massive thing to deal with without a supportive network of friends. Look after yourself.

 

[Ryn]

:( mytai. So, so sorry you are having such a hard time. Lots of safe hugs.

Echo is right though that one stupid insensitive Justice of the Peace doesn't negate the fact that the police are listening to you, and things are moving forward. I know it's not a fast process or an easy one at all, but try to remember things are not hopeless. From what you said earlier it sounds to me that the police are acting on it and behaving with proper seriousness for once, and it doesn't seem at all that they see you as a joke. People can be cruel and don't understand. But this isn't a joke, and I believe the police you talked to know that and recognise it absolutely. This is very important. You are very important. And I am hoping and praying that the police continue to see you as such, and that justice is served swiftly.

In the meantime it's so tough on you, though... :cry: Ugh. I am so very sorry for your pain and your fear, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and my heart aches for you! I second the suggestion for possibly more frequent sessions with your T, and I hope she will be able to guide you with her wisdom and experience so that you might begin to breathe a little easier very soon. Keep the crisis lines handy and take care of your beautiful self.

 

[macca]

(((mytai)))
What an incredibly brave thing you have done. I am so sorry you are struggling so badly right now. That JP is small-minded, and as Echo said, probably likes to convince themselves they are so very clever. The police are listening to you, and I'm so glad that this part was a different experience to what you've had to go through before. I'm so glad your T stayed as well. Keep using all the support you can, from every source available to you. Keep using all the grounding skills you have, to keep present and stay safe. It's bad right now, but it won't stay at this intensity of bad. Hug Chelsea. Breathe.

 

[HelenB]

I am also sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. You are still doing so well and I really hope you can feed into yourself that you are safe and that you are doing this for your protection. Whatever the outcome with the police and whatever response you have had from the justice of peace (which is disgusting btw) this more importantly is about you saying this is enough. He cannot do this to you any more. Your body is yours and not his and he is not in any way allowed to have access to it any more. He will not like this and I am not surprised you are feeling in such a state of panic, but you are safe and most importantly are not going to allow him to do this to you any more, and you are doing so well, even though you are finding it so hard.

I am thinking of you and praying for you today and also hope you are able to see your therapist more during this time if you need to, as you deserve all the support which you can get and really do deserve there to be an end to this abuse, as your body is yours and does not belong to your great uncle at all.

God bless
Helen