Relationship You Don't Know Me At All

[Chris516]

I have a weird question, that may seem vague. When someone with PTSD says that, even though you have known them ten years. Would you believe that is a legitimate response, or a defensive response to something you said to them?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Part of it could be that she is hiding parts of herself given the fact that you've never actually met her.

 

[Chris516]

Solara, I was thinking the same thing. That there potentially is something, she has never told me, which OTOH is afraid to tell me outright, regardless of not knowing each other face-to-face apart from pictures. OTOH maybe because she feels she doesn't need to tell me, for that same reason.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Not enough information.

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds like frustration to me. I've been known to say that on rare occasion with my spouse, who has known me for 29 years. Most often during a difficult conversation where I don't feel like I'm being understood, or a misunderstanding where his feedback is way off what I was trying to communicate. It is an attempt to either get back on track (though not really very effective communication) or a way to quit the conversation and step back a while to try maybe again later.

 

[arfie]

Memory loss is a part of my own PTSD. Then there is the denial and suppression. Then there is the personal growth that comes from dealing with it.

I have known myself for almost 60 years and am still getting acquainted. Someone who needs to be an authority on who and what I am is often holding me to old habits I am trying to evolve into something more functional.

 

[Nebulustrix]

Even people without PTSD will use the "you don't know me at all" line. Think about it from your own side - when would you say that to someone? I know I've said/felt this when there have been situations with people close to me whom I expected to understand my perspective, and they did not.

The people we come to know and love - friends, family, close associates and co-workers - should come to understand our character and then be able to, sometimes, predict our responses or desires, sometimes even better than we ourselves can. For example - I know I would feel/say this if someone assumed I was trying to get money from them if I told them about my financial struggles, because that just isn't me. This sometimes happens with my mother, as she always tries to fix everyone's problems. I have a very hard time talking to her about any problems I'm having - financial or otherwise - because she then assumes I want something out of her, which I don't. I just want someone who will listen and/or give advice to help me solve it myself so I can build my confidence and independence.

 

[Justmehere]

I have a weird question, that may seem vague. When someone with PTSD says that, even though you have known them ten years. Would you believe that is a legitimate response, or a defensive response to something you said to them?

Both could be true. They could legitimately have PTSD AND they could have said it as a defensive response because something triggered them.

 

[Chris516]

Justme, They told me a long time ago, that they have PTSD so I am not curious about whether they have it or not, specifically. Also, Their push/pull behavior through years, fits with PTSD. Along with her occasionally telling me to F-off.

But isn't saying "You don't know me at all", a classic response coming from someone with PTSD?

 

[Chris516]

Nebul, Yes, I know that people who don't have PTSD will say that too.

 

[Chris516]

Albatross, Agreed. Just that when my friend said it, I didn't react by telling her all the facts I know about her, and it is a lot.

 

[Justmehere]

@Chris a classic response from scorning from someone who has PTSD? I don't know. I've never said it or anything like that. I'm sure what that has to do with PTSD actually. Push/pulling could be from an attachment wound related to PTSD and I guess keeping their real self a secret a could be related to PTSD - but MUCH of what happens in relationships has nothing to do with PTSD. I would suggest being careful about assuming too much is connected to PTSD. Also, it really is hard to completely know someone online... (If I understand right this is an online friend). You may not really know her - and maybe this is an open door to get to know your friend in a different way. Just my thoughts.