Flashforwards?

[Faerie]

I know flashbacks are common with PTSD, but do many people have 'flashfowards'? I guess that's what you could call them. My trauma was from long term abuse, a lot of the details are blocked out, though some specific incidents remain, enough to have had flashbacks in the past. But I don't have flashbacks about the abuse anymore (I do still some for car wrecks, don't think I've entirely worked through those traumas yet). I keep wondering if that's because I've dealt with those things, so they aren't what's causing my PTSD now, thus no more flashbacks? Except now (and before too, but I guess they just seem more prominent now) I keep getting scenarios in my head of abuse as an adult instead of a kid. I'm tied up, raped, tortured, kidnapped - none of which has happened to me as far as I know. The abuser is never anyone I know, let alone my actual abuser. A lot of times I can't even really see him, at least not his face, except it's always a him.


Has anyone had these type of things before? Where you have flashback symptoms for things that haven't happened? Was it related to your abuse at all, or did it have to do any with repressed memories pushing through? I've had a nagging feeling for a very long time that I've repressed memories of being sexually abused at a very young age. Like when you see something out of the corner of your eye but when you turn it isn't there anymore. I know something is there, but as soon as I try to see what it is, it's out of sight again. I'm slowly getting glimpses here and there, since last year, but nothing solid. One of my worst triggers is being tied up or restrained in any way, grabbing my wrists or even just a friend casually laying on my leg and anything sexual (you go near even my hips and your arm is coming off!). Both are often prominent in my flashforwards. So I'm starting to wonder if these flashforwards are really my mind's way of trying to process the abuse I don't remember, show me more glimpses of it and slowly give me back the memories as I can handle them. Except I can't really find much on flashforwards so I'm also starting to wonder if I'm not just going crazy :-/

-Faerie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So what you're saying is that these images are like you're re-living abuse that never happened? You have the same symptoms of an actual flashback or are these more along the lines of intrusive images?

 

[Faerie]

So what you're saying is that these images are like you're re-living abuse that never happened?

Yes.

You have the same symptoms of an actual flashback or are these more along the lines of intrusive images?

Its like a vivid nightmare while awake. There's bits & pieces of the story there, but it's not entirely clear. Some parts are more like intrusive thoughts, but a lot is just feeling like I'm there. I feel like I'm being held down, like i can't escape. That's one of the most real & terrifying feelings of it. But then it's like my mind tries to explain those feelings by giving me some story to go with it.

I'm new to all this tho and maybe I'm not entirely getting the definition of flashback correct. It's more feeling and intrusive thoughts are more like unbidden imagination, yes?

 

[WillowMarie]

I have what I call "Daymares". It might be a bit different than what you are describing. And for me, this has started going on the past few months. I will space out and see different scenarios in my head and react emotionally to them. (Most of my flashbacks are mostly emotional, but I am not really sure if these would be considered "flash fowards" or "flash backs" for me.)

A lot of repeat scenarios that are similar that involve being at work and having customers get in my personal space when they are angry, and sometimes grabbing my arms or wrists. It usually ends up with me experiencing very bad dissociation or a full-blown panic attack in the daymare (This part may be contributed to fears of losing control or emotions when being triggered).

Other times my mind is playing scenarios of trying to be open/share things with my mum and her being critical in response or minimizing/being in denial about things.

So I'm starting to wonder if these flashforwards are really my mind's way of trying to process the abuse I don't remember, show me more glimpses of it and slowly give me back the memories as I can handle them.

I have had a similar thoughts with mine. Like my brain is trying to test me how I handle the daymares before it will trust me with the actual memory. Like it is testing if I can handle the emotions and let myself deal with them. I positive journal sometimes, and positive self-talk about how I can let myself feel emotions and can handle things, but my mind started having the daymares, and my first instinct is to say, Hell No, Distract Myself, Don't Want to Deal With This! I am trying to let myself just feel and acknowledge, not push away feelings that come up during these. But it is hard especially with the scared feelings.

And the stuff with my mum, yes. But that stuff also happens now because she hasn't changed. I am feeling reluctant to process how I feel with her and want to skip over the memory that came up of something she said/did. So I believe, that to is my brain saying you need to deal with this.

Like when you see something out of the corner of your eye but when you turn it isn't there anymore. I know something is there, but as soon as I try to see what it is, it's out of sight again.

I can relate with this a lot, too. My last memory that came up, I could hear my dad saying something, but couldn't really actually hear it, if that makes sense. So there was his voice I could hear, but not actually hear, but it also came with the knowledge of what he said and how he said it. After I remembered the memory and i was just feeling the emotions and letting myself cry it out, I realized I was hearing something in my head, I could hear someone talking, I tried to concentrate, but couldn't actually hear the voice or what was being said, I just had the knowledge it was my dad talking.

Except I can't really find much on flashforwards so I'm also starting to wonder if I'm not just going crazy :-/

I personally do not think you are crazy. But I did think *I* was going crazy before because it was happening to me, lol. But hearing your thoughts about why it is happening makes me feel less crazy. :D

Whether they are or are not "flash fowards" or "flash backs", do you think it would be beneficial to process the feelings coming up?

 

[Faerie]

I have what I call "Daymares". It might be a bit different than what you are describing. And for me, this has started going on the past few months. I will space out and see different scenarios in my head and react emotionally to them. (Most of my flashbacks are mostly emotional, but I am not really sure if these would be considered "flash fowards" or "flash backs" for me.)

Yep, that's what it's like. Sometimes the scenarios come first then the feelings but sometimes its the opposite. Maybe I've unknowingly been triggered & having emotional or body flashbacks but then the scenarios pop up in my mind, trying to give a reason of why I'm feeling that way since I don't have the real memories. Vice versa, sometimes I might get triggered & have the scenarios first, then the flashback feelings are from that. Does that make sense?

And daymare is a much better word for it!

Whether they are or are not "flash fowards" or "flash backs", do you think it would be beneficial to process the feelings coming up?

I think so. They've got to be surfacing for a reason right? And as far as I can tell avoiding & ignoring is usually the last thing we should do.