Visualization And Therapy

[Pencil]

Have you considered slowly turning your cave into a house? Remember your 'house' / shelter has to be safe. Why not construct it from the inside out, instead of approaching a scary, alien house from the outside? Can you expand your cave?

 

[ghotiff]

Hi @shimmerz . I haven't read all the posts properly (having trouble concentrating today)...so I'm not sure where Pencil was headed....but....in my humble opinion, I think you should be careful considering converting your cave into a house or anything close to that. I would be careful not do do anything to your safe place that might make it less safe. It might be an interesting thing to explore, but outside of your safe place.

house in dreams apparently represents the SELF in psychology

My 'safe place' (bunker) is extremely hidden, no windows, two exits/entrances that are very secure, even the air vents are designed to avoid detection/access/tampering. If you are correct then I'm sure my bunker says a lot about my "self"....but I'm okay with that for now. If it changes over time, then great...but I think any changes need to come from improving myself first, rather than deliberately changing my bunker (my representation of self).

 

[Pencil]

Pencil was headed

Not headed anywhere, we all have to listen to our gut feel when it comes to these things, and it has to feel safe and natural.

I know what you mean regarding a safe place being inaccessible to others. Mine is protected by an electromagnetic shield so that it is completely invisible, impenetrable, can't be located ....

 

[Pencil]

I think when the safe place has an element of helping us change our consciousness beyond the time we spend in the safe place, then it's truly healing. @Pencil, I see your lovely architectural empire as having that possibility (perhaps already that actuality?) You say you suck at working with energies, but I wonder if these dreams/this image are a direct energetic connection to your psyche. Perhaps this is the way you can safely attune to your inner world without needing to do anything called "working with energies" that would be too challenging to the other parts of you? It's just a thought.

This is what I thought about today, and you are right. I think I intuitively used this as a safe place for me to explore things in my own psyche (as a substitute for therapy, I guess).

This comment has been enormously helpful to me. Thanks Hashi.

 

[shimmerz]

Have you considered slowly turning your cave into a house?

The house is actually a visualization I use through shamanic work as part of my authentic self. So I was considering introducing it onto/into my safe place. From the outside it shimmers beautifully in the sunlight and I can see what is inside of it - that is why I believe I picture it as a house with clear walls. I can tell that there is nobody inside. So I think the cave is a good place for now and I will attempt to introduce the house and see what 'issues' come up from there.

Hi @shimmerz It might be an interesting thing to explore, but outside of your safe place. My 'safe place' (bunker) is extremely hidden, no windows, two exits/entrances that are very secure, even the air vents are designed to avoid detection/access/tampering. If you are correct then I'm sure my bunker says a lot about my "self"....but I'm okay with that for now. If it changes over time, then great...but I think any changes need to come from improving myself first, rather than deliberately changing my bunker (my representation of self).

Interesting @ghotiff. I actually have worked this the other way around! So if I identify something as being an issue, like when I decided I needed a cave to sleep in, I made myself a safe place (cave) determined what I needed to sleep (as I was not sleeping at the time without night terrors), and built my safe place to suit my non sleeping problem. For instance, I have no food on the island (I rarely eat) and have no motivation to put food on the island as I am not ready to deal with that issue at this time I suppose. This house thing called to me though. That is where @Pencil and her 'follow your gut' comes in handy. I am freaked out in my house and have been trying to figure myself out of it for some time. This just might be it. So I ask you @ghotiff, how did you determine the changes to make coming from the opposite direction? I won't change anything with this until I think it through and would really appreciate when you feel up to it - to hear your process in continuing to secure your safe place.

Not headed anywhere, we all have to listen to our gut feel when it comes to these things, and it has to feel safe and natural.

Yes, @Pencil, I know you have been very clear and responsible in that way. I respect and appreciate that. I am hearing you. @ghotiff is in the same state I am today from what I understand and @ghotiff was qualifying I think by saying they had not read all of the posts.

Thanks so much each of you for putting up with my trying to catch up properly and all of your input. It is much appreciated.

 

[ghotiff]

@shimmerz I will think about this and post when I am able to. Sorry, not in a great place today.

 

[shimmerz]

Please no sorry necessary @ ghotiff. No expectations at all. I am just pulling out of what sounds to be a similar head space. That makes your posting and warning me even more special to me. I tip my hat to you. I am going to continue to explore these ideas and won't move too quickly on it as I appreciate the warning that @Hope4Now gave regarding the safe place and whether it helped with consciousness outside of our safe place will have me tread carefully with this concept.

Feel better @ghotiff. Virtual hugs.

For tonight I will keep my safe place the same and snuggle into my cozy bed in my cave, have no night terrors and share my safe place with you @ghotiff if you would like it. Just because you are such a great sharer.

 

[ghotiff]

I feel the classic safe place idea might be better called a soothing place

I really like this @Hashi and from now on I'm going to call it my "soothing place". I don't feel safe there when I'm really bad, but it does 'sooth' me.

deliberate withdrawal - then I think it's not much more than a form of dissociation

I was going to comment on this by @shimmerz took the words right out of my mouth.

but to me dissociation is not in control

I think that dissociation happens without control. I have never been able to actively dissociate (but at times I have certainly wanted to) but it has happened to me and I don't know about it until afterwards. To me the lack of control is what makes it a problem.

To me the "soothing place" is somewhere to choose to go to relax. It gives me something to think about that is very safe and non-triggering and it helps me step back from unhelpful emotions or paranoias that are floating around my head at the time....using my soothing place is what helps me get to sleep. So, in my view my "soothing place" is very constructive and helpful with my recovery. It allows me to de pressure myself from the events of the day, and I remain in complete control.

 

[ghotiff]

My direct question would be if while I use my visualization techniques, do I work with the clear house (which I am always outside of I can never go inside) and is the idea to perhaps tolerate walking up to the front door, then step in, - bit by bit introducing myself to the issues of being inside with the eventual idea of being able to tolerate a normal house with walls etc?

I would like to understand further what you are trying to achieve. I'm guessing that you would like to soften your negative view towards houses. Are there any houses that you like. In my mind a cave is a house. How about an igloo, or tent, or other alternative dwelling. I would consider starting really small. Given that you like the feeling of being outside, maybe google "survival shelters" for some ideas and look for something that is not your 'cave' but is a shelter and is not triggering, "lean-to's" are quite open and might work well for you. You could start by building it, or sitting next to it, then one day go inside?

 

[shimmerz]

To me the "soothing place" is somewhere to choose to go to relax.

This is interesting to me. I think I might try to find a 'soothing place while I am awake - try and check in with my pulse as it tends to plummet - and when I sleep keep to my safe place. An interesting side note is that I dreamt of houses all last night. No night terrors, but a bit uncomfortable.

Also, @ghotiff I just noticed your new post as I was typing this one. I have a problem since my meltdown with all structures. Malls, stores, restaurants, houses (which are a real problem as I need to live in one - but even visiting people is a huge problem). I was uncertain why houses bothered me so much until I received documentation from Children's Aid (CAS) 4 years later. I almost dropped on the floor. It all clicked into place. So many of my behaviours were explained. Even as a child I had to leave home at 17 because my mother did not understand why I needed to be 'out' all of the time. She started grounding me and that is when I had my first major meltdown. Oh the stories I could tell that ties all of this together, I could write a book about I swear.

Being 'trapped' inside a house - which to me means just being in one - triggers stuff in me that is authentic to my situation in the past but is not serving me at all in the present. It is fascinating as my past was being told to me through my responses, which my shaman and t-doc expressed to me came from somewhere and to trust them. I did - but didn't understand them until I saw the reports from CAS. It was eerie.

So yes, houses for me are high up there on the priority list in sorting out as I have abreacted so very strongly and at least need to feel safe in my own house. I will need to incorporate others later.

At this point the only house that I can tolerate is a glass castle like building that keeps appearing to me. I can look at it from the outside and it is beautiful but am terrified to walk up to it with a feeling of - but what if someone is in there? I expect as I challenge myself to walk closer to it there will be other things that come up as well. *Heavy Sigh*,

 

[ghotiff]

Such a heavy burden @shimmerz.

There seems to be a common theme to your posts which is the walls. How do you feel about floors and roofs. For example, how would you feel about a gazebo with a floor and a roof but no walls of any kind.

 

[shimmerz]

YES! Interesting. My first view and thoughts of the white background picture has me sitting with my back against one of the poles to prevent anyone from coming up from behind me. The one with all of the grass around it - can't see a good place to sit there. So there is conflict there - I guess that is why I need the glass - so nobody can get in.

I didn't realize that until you sent me these pictures @ghotiff. That is brilliant! Thank you!