After Jr. High Gym Class Trauma: Helping My Son Learn How To Bat

[NovemberStar]

I'm sorry if it seems I was being judgmental - I did not understand your post I guess, in that I couldn't see how PTSD fitted into it, and you asked if being picked last in a sports team could cause PTSD symptoms…hence why some of us answered 'probably not'. I think a few of us need to know the missing pieces of the puzzle (i.e. you do have PTSD, have had another trauma, not mentioned, and this issue is what is causing you the most difficulty right now). It might also be helpful to know a little as to what your trauma was - and how it might relate to your current fears and anxiety - i.e, - and I am only guessing here - I could imagine if you were being abused at home growing up, made to feel worthless, then being picked last for a team at school would trigger a lot of the same feelings of worthlessness and not feeling you belonged. If you were in the army and had PTSD from trauma in a deployment, that too could relate to the situation you describe. (You don't have to share with us what it is, I'm just saying if you'd given a bit more info, it might be we can help you link what happened then, to how it triggers you now, if that makes sense). In other words, if the situation with your son does somehow trigger past trauma, then it could be you are being triggered now.

There have beens one really great suggestion on here as to how to go about increasing your confidence, and taking the steps to move past this, and help your son - have any of them stuck out as do-able for you at the moment?

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I also hope I didn't come across as insensitive.I was typing on my phone and didn't type longer sentences everything looks much longer on a smaller screen and I was worried about going on too much, as a result I may have sounded snappy and I certainly didn't mean to.

I think a few of us need to know the missing pieces of the puzzle (i.e. you do have PTSD, have had another trauma, not mentioned, and this issue is what is causing you the most difficulty right now)

Ditto to this and actually the whole of NS's post. There are so many new members joining here every day and I often don't come on for days at a time, so I may have missed your posts and I didn't know this - which is why I asked, I'm sorry if that sounded like I was minimizing or doubting you. Knowing that you have PTSD however is useful now, because as NS said, you may not have PTSD from that, but you can be triggered by it.

One thing that can help me when triggered is rationalising, the downside can be however that my feelings feel vastly different to what I know. Out of curiosity, would it help you if you thought about whether your neighbours are really watching you, or whether it's just something you feel (not that that makes it any easier, but can help you to start challenging your thought processes). If I remember now, I think you have posted another thread about feeling intimidated (and possibly irrationally) afraid of your neighbours and their dog? Have you looked into tried challenging these thought processes as a way of regaining control over your head and therefore life? I hear cognitive behavioural techniques, desensitisation and prolonged exposure therapy can help. If you're not able to do that yet, just playing it safe and avoiding stressful situations I think would be best as being so distressed doesn't help you or your family and you all deserve to be happy :)

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I was severely bullied as a kid. I was belittled and was beaten up as well. The biggest thing was mental torture, though from my classmates.

Severe bullying and being beaten is definitely an appropriate cause for PTSD. Though I agree that psychological bullying/abuse can hurt equally as much if not more. I know it might seem pedantic, but it helps us understand and therefore help you. Again, I am sorry if I caused you upset.

 

[nycowboy]

I posted a really long reply and the computer ate it :(

Thanks so much for all of your input. Basically with me I was your typical nerd kid that was horribly teased, picked-on, bullied, kicked, etc. Now as a 43-yo man, I am hypervigilant. I extremely distrust anything that is not "known." I hear a noise outside - I have to investigate it to make sure it won't hurt me. I don't know a neighbor - they must be an enemy so I must guard my property. With me it is all about protecting my self/body/territory from danger. I have been in T for a year now and it has worked wonders.

If you want more info, let me know specifically what you want and I will give it to you. I am here for help between T sessions. Or enter into a conversation with me. That works too.

I'm sorry, too, if my replies came off as snippy.[DOUBLEPOST=1400172743,1400172635][/DOUBLEPOST]My home life growing up was happy and stable for the most part! Leave it to Beaver family. Home was my oasis in a dangerous world.

 

[nycowboy]

And, yes, Nov.Star, watching my son have trouble with baseball does trigger past sports trauma from my life. My mind says: I don't want him to have the same trouble I had with sports and jock-bullies (and my Jr. High gym teacher), so therefore I must help him/protect him. I'm overcompensating because of my past trauma. At my son's first T-ball game last year, I was watching him have trouble batting. And he wasn't up there at the tee anymore. I was the one up there having trouble, not him. It was very scary. I started sweating and tears were welling up in my eyes. A couple of weeks later I started therapy.

 

[NovemberStar]

I can only begin to imagine how hard it is (and for any parent) to re-live a painful, traumatic childhood for the second time, via the eyes of their children. You've described exactly why I have decided to avoid becoming a parent altogether. I think parenthood is an incredibly brave thing to take on, and more so for those of us who suffered trauma through our own growing up!

 

[ghotiff]

The fact that you care is priceless

Can you acknowledge that you are not good at 'batting', while modelling that its okay not to be great at this (or everything...no-one is perfect at everything) maybe this is more important than him getting better at 'batting'.

If he really does want to get better you could support him by watching you-tube videos on how to bat and throwing balls to give him practice at batting.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Also, you might consider hiring him a "coach" - a high school baseball player willing to play catch and bat with him this summer.

 

[nycowboy]

Thanks so much --- the more I think about this, the more I realize a few things. First, that it is OK if he isn't the best at batting. It is a life-lesson. We can't all be great at everything. Second, he loves sports, but not baseball.

The crux of the matter is that I want him to succeed because I didn't. I need to stop projecting myself on him.

 

[digger]

I think that's some really good observation there @weavingcowboy :tup:

 

[nycowboy]

Thanks, digger!

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm a bit tardy to the party, but what about looking at it as learning together? You could still enjoy the father-and-son sports time during the baseball season without being an expert player. Is your son old enough to try batting cages? It's like a golfer's driving range for baseball, usually at the same place too. There might some people around there who could offer advice, and practice never hurts. The fact that you'd ask tells me you're working hard to be an awesome father. That's the most helpful thing a kid could have, thanks for being a wonderful parent!