Can Someone Please Clarify?

[GWhizz]

So I'm pretty new to the idea that I have PTSD and find myself doubting whether or not I am really having flashbacks/disassociating. Or whether they're just really intrusive thoughts/memories/nightmares etc. I get triggered by certain things and end up unable to focus on what I'm doing at all, like I'm back there in it all. I end up breaking down afterwards and it's a while before I can calm down. Other times I tend to go 'into myself'. I also have nightmares where I scream etc and my boyfriend has to console me - even when I wake I'm still 'in it'.

Sorry if this is a silly thread. I just am not sure and feel stupid asking my T just now as things are so complicated with her this week.

Thanks in advance for any sharing or experiences/info

 

[open eyes]

Are you diagnosed?

One of the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis is re-experiencing, which can show up as nightmares or flashbacks. Being "back there in it all" & then breaking down is definitely a flashback. As for dissociating, no one can really tell you whether you are or aren't.

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks @open eyes. No I'm waiting on a psychiatry consult as I kinda backed out the last few times I was referred as I was really fearful of a 'label' so to speak. But my psychotherapist and gp think it is post traumatic stress (I was initially diagnosed with postnatal depression, but they actually think now this was triggered by the past trauma moreso). I guess I'm just confused and thought they were flashbacks but didn't want to be making a big deal out of things if you get me

 

[Justmehere]

No one here can really diagnosis the condition or the symptoms online. Working with the professionals is the best way to sort it out, as hard as it is to keep asking them. It does sound like you are getting triggered and managing being triggered makes it very tough to focus on anything else!

Flashbacks tend to be very intense re-living experiences. When I have a flashback, I don't realize it until after it is over. Like I will be walking down the street and suddenly cowering like someone is hitting me and thinking the past is happening again now in that moment.

Intrusive memories can be very intense to experience too. It's my understanding those are more like when I'm walking down the street, and I know I am walking down the street and I know no trauma is happening now, but I feel the feelings and memories from the past are stirred up and I'm thinking/feeling it again. It can be a physical memory or body sensation, or emotional one, or it can be a memory of something that happened in the past that is playing in my mind that I can't easily stop.

There can be a big overlap between what suffers and professionals call flashbacks and what they call intrusive memories. This is just my understanding of the difference between those two. I would not say one symptom is more "serious" than another. Intrusive memories can be very awful and disrupting to experience.

When people have nightmares without PTSD it can be very hard to wake them out of the nightmare and they can act out the nightmare a bit. It could also be the case that nightmares turn into a flashback for someone with PTSD.

I think the best thing to do is to describe your experiences as they are. Rather than say, I'm having flashbacks, or whatever label, tell them what you experience and are struggling with. That will give the most information to the therapist and doctors for them to be able to help you the most. In time, you will be able to sort out what is what symptom for you, and most importantly, get better!

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks @Justmehere. Maybe my question wasn't clear - I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose me online, trust me - I'm a nurse I know that's impossible! I'm simply looking to relate to others experiences of them to find out for myself how to ground myself etc. I rarely completely 'lose touch' with reality, as in - I'm aware it's happening, but I read there were different levels/types of flashbacks so I guess this is where the confusion lies for me

 

[silkleaves]

I'm not sure what you mean by you go back into yourself? When I disassociate, I completely disconnect. But it varies with different people.

Like with flashbacks, I never thought I had any, and told my docs that I didn't, but then just found out (on here actually) that I might, just not like "in the movies!" where you're back in the moment and seeing and hear everything like its happening all over again. Instead, when I'm triggered, I react as if the moment in the past is happening right now. I didn't realize that could be a flashback. But I'm not even aware of it...in that moment, and for hours up to weeks after, I feel totally justified in reacting the way I did and remain on edge about it until I *finally* come down and gain a bit of clarity.

But yeah, I feel you, that you are just curious about what you are going through and feeling. As you go through with your diagnosis and they set you up in a program (hopefully!) then you'll be able to learn more about specifically what is going on with you because while there are a lot of similarities, there are so many variances in how we are affected that it can still be super confusing to figure out what is going on.

 

[GWhizz]

Thanks @silkleaves.

Yea for me I am aware it's happening though I do feel disconnected from the present moment. Like I can't continue what I'm doing until it's over. My boyfriend will call me and says I was spaced out etc and it takes me a while to snap out of it. Other times, for example if something say of a sexual nature triggers me, I totally go back to a childlike state and I can feel and see everything. Yet I know immediately after that it's the present day. With the nightmares, it takes a little longer to come out of them. I guess I'd just like to learn how to actually cope during and after and how to know my triggers better. It's really hard to even explain it to be honest, it's such an odd and terrifying phenomenon to feel and not know when it may happen again.

Unfortunately where I live there aren't really any programs to support people through stuff like this. But hopefully I get to see a good psych and just get a clearer picture of what I'm really dealing with here

 

[silkleaves]

Check out grounding techniques..there was a good thread on it I saw here recently, but I cant post links for some reason! You should be able to find it in a search though. Also, I swear by meditation. I'm still learning myself here with how to cope, and when the moment hits, it's very hard to break out of.

But for what its worth, grounding helps me as I'm coming down, between that point where I'm riled up and the point where I'm physically and mentally exhausted from it all. And meditation I do before anything happens, usually if I'm dreading something or know something is going to stress me out...its not 100% but it helps a lot.

 

[GWhizz]

Yes I find mindfulness and yoga etc has been helpful in general but doesn't do much to help 'in the moment'. I guess with time I'll get more tuned into myself and learn ways that work best

 

[Justmehere]

Mindfulness and yoga are great tools to reduce overall anxiety.

Grounding techniques can include things that are stronger re-sets for the nervous system that for me would stop a panic attack or flashback in it's tracks - while yoga wouldn't do anything for me either to help in those moments.

One time I woke up from a nightmare shaking and trembling. I had been screaming when I was still awake but in the dream/flashback. My friend was there, and my screaming had woken her up. She grabbed a frozen water bottle and had me hold it, occasionally switching to hold a mug of warm water. It really settled my nervous system down. It's one "grounding technique" that I learned when I was at an inpatient speciality PTSD trauma treatment unit. They would hand people frozen ice bags or oranges all the time to help them ground out of intense PTSD symptoms.

 

[silkleaves]

Yes I find mindfulness and yoga etc has been helpful in general but doesn't do much to help 'in the moment'. I guess with time I'll get more tuned into myself and learn ways that work best

I wish that I were still in therapy to learn more techniques, and also that the meds they gave me had been more helpful. They had told me that the meds would help slow down my reaction time, so that I would have the extra awareness I need to realize I'm about to be set off, so that I can do something about it before it gets too bad. But after 8 months, I still went from 0 to 100 in a flash.

Even though I'm completely aware of what is happening to me now, and that there are ways to soften the blow, all the techniques I know so far aren't' doing me much good because while in the moment I'm too wound up and anxious to do anything about it and in that time, I feel completely justified so in my head, there is no other option.

I just try to be a lot more mindful of where my head is at...that way I can try and do meditation to reduce overall anxiety like @Justmehere says, which does help.

I have a lot less episodes now. But when they do happen, my mind is off and running, and it's not til I come back down that I have any control over my own thoughts and actions again. That's something I get the feeling I won't be able to resolve on my own.